A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi so I know I did a stupid thing. I fell head over heels in love with my FWB and he kept giving me all kinds of signals that he likes me too. It was quite obvious to everyone that he was interested in me more than a friend. Before we became FWBs, we were very close, best friends. And finally, I told him about my feelings. It's changed everything and he says he's not going to sleep with me again and that he's going to be careful about how he talks to me from now on. I'm devasted because more than the FWB thing, I miss his friendship. He says 'I didn't/don't want a serious relationship.'. We shared a strong emotional connection and we were really good together. I don't know if he will ever be interested in me in that way. He still keeps in touch with me as a friend but I don't see the point because we never hang out as friends or spend any time together and now he's changing the way he chats with me too... what's the point of that kind of friendship?Doesn't anyone here think there's the slightest possibility that something could work out between us? My friends say so but I honestly don't see that happening. I'm sooo devastated and I don't know how I can move on from this. I love him so much and it's so painful. And the worst part is, even though we were best friends, now I feel like he never gave a shit about me. Maybe he didn't.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2022): "and it's so painful. And the worst part is, even though we were best friends, now I feel like he never gave a shit about me. Maybe he didn't."
I started this quote mid-sentence on purpose.
Because, Excellent! Sister, Excellent!
You are not the first, you are far from the last to realize this _possibility_; and realizing this possibility is A. Very. Good. Thing. coz it means that you're already well on your way to peeling off another layer of the onion towards the better version of *yourself*.
All the pieces of the puzzle might feel like an intractable blur for you right now, so, do consider the possible impact of 'I did not see any of it coming...'
To what extent did you, all along, blissfully picture the _nature_ of *his* personality through the lens of your own?
Consider whether the suffering that you are going through is in fact nothing of *his* doing, but your own brain, throwing you a severe alarm, like the violent shaking from the stick of a plane that is in mortal danger of stalling, warning you to pay attention because there is something to learn here, that you ought not to just matter-of-factly 'let it go'...
I'm saying this because I have known those spells of suffering where I ended up realizing: yeah... here, at this specific point, that's where I have not been true to *myself*
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2022): He wasn't a good friend to you. He just did what he had to do to get into your bed. Men will say and do anything if it gets them laid.
A real friend wouldn't do that. Certainly not take part in a FWB relationship.
You've dodged a bullet with him. Wish him well and cut him loose.
FWB very rarely work out.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (11 September 2022):
Oh sweetheart, when someone says they don't want a serious relationship, what they are actually saying is they don't want a serious relationship WITH YOU. I know this is not easy to accept when you are besotted with them, but there is no way you can make him love you if he does not see a future with you, which he obviously doesn't.
He liked you as a friend. You were even ok as a FWB. However, he does not want anything more than that with you.
For your own sanity, you need to cut this guy out of your life and move on. While you are pinning your hopes on him, you are not free to find someone who will love you completely and totally. That person is out there but it isn't him. When you meet the guy you are meant to be with, you will understand why this guy was not right for you.
He strong and walk away with your head held high. You deserve so much better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2022): I meant to say:
"Nothing we can say here that will change his feelings; and there is no advice we can offer on how to *make* him fall in-love with you."
P.S.
You can no longer be friends; because you want romantic-love, not platonic love. This is what happens when "friends" cross the line.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2022): He has already told you he's not interested in a relationship; and he has changed the way he now communicates with you.
"No" means "no!" He doesn't want a relationship with you. You are using the so-called "friendship" as an excuse to keep clinging to him; but he's doing everything he can to shake you loose.
I think he's been straight-up with you. It was all about the sex, and nothing more than that. Of course he acted as though he was interested in you; how else was he going to keep sex available. I don't even think he's interested in being friends, knowing there will be strings attached.
He played along with it, but now he realizes you're expecting him to be more than friends.
I'm so sorry, sweetheart; but just because you've caught feelings, and he accepted sex, does not mean his feelings match yours. He played you along, but now he's putting distance between you.
Stop listening to your friends. They're telling you what you want to hear. He told you where he stands. He's the one you should be listening to. Nothing we can say here that will change his feelings; and there is no advice how we can offer to *make* him fall in-love with you. It was purely physical, but his heart wasn't in it. You have to comeback to reality.
You have to dump him now. Stop pretending to be friends, you shouldn't have added sex to it.
Your other friends shouldn't be egging you on, and lying to you about this. That's what's making things all the more complicated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2022): He just wanted you for sex, what is all this stuff about being best friends etc? A day dream. Guys will say all sorts to get into your knickers.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 September 2022):
 "Doesn't anyone here think there's the slightest possibility that something could work out between us? "
No.
"And the worst part is, even though we were best friends, now I feel like he never gave a shit about me. Maybe he didn't."
No, he didn't, he liked you "enough" to put up with you for sex.
I don't say this to be mean, just to have you take off those rose-colored glasses.
WANT more from a partner. Don't treat sex like it's something "casual" to do with someone, anyone. It really isn't a casual experience.
Wish him well, cut all contact, lick your wounds and get over him.
You DESERVE better
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