A
female
age
51-59,
*jjj
writes:can anyone tell me why in lebanon and the middle east there is a bad attitude towards an older woman with a younger man. is it the same throughout all of the middle east or mainly in lebanese society. my relationship of 2 yrs has ended because my lebanese catholic ex boyfriend told his family about me and his mother went crazy when she found out that i was 42 and her son is 25. we met on the internet and have met in person and were so happy. we were inseparable for just over 2 yrs and were planning to get married so that we could be in the same country and have a life together. this has ended now, cos of family pressure. his mother said it was her or me. she would denounce him as her son if he didnt end it. he fought with her for a few months, but she wouldnt allow it. so he ended it. we are still in love but he has shut himself down. closed his feelings and feels so much guilt. he has said that he is a coward and its all his fault. he knew the society but thought he could convince his mother and keep me. all his promises that he wouldnt let her win and wouldnt let me go, have gone. he went back on his word to me. im so devastated and hurt. he was my soulmate and i thought i was his too. but this has shown me that maybe i was wrong. surely if you love someone so much and you tell them it, you wouldnt let your family split you up. he said his mother raised him for 25 yrs, not 2 (meaning the 2 yrs i was with him) and that sacrificed things for him and fed him and looked after him and he couldnt betray her. she didnt deserve it. if there are any men reading this..tell me what you think. i still love him so much. why didnt he fight for me.
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female
reader, jjjj +, writes (18 June 2012):
jjjj is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi thanks for your reply..i just sent you a private message..it would be good to see what happened to you too as we have something in common..hope you reply..xx
A
female
reader, tulip100 +, writes (14 June 2012):
your situation is very difficult for you and also sad. i am very sorry for what youre going through. i am going through a very similar thing. i am seeing a lebanese younger than me, age gap a bit more than you although he is a few years older than yours. the thing is that the family controls their children and the family defines who they are. their identity is through the family. so to think of being cut off from his family is very painful for him and feels unimaginable. it would mean losing a very large piece of his identity, of who he is. i know we both can think rationally about the situation, but the reality is that to break from parents wishes is very difficult and the parents will not listen. one person who replied to you said it was his choice, but when he is threatened with being cut off, it is too hard a choice to make. imagine it - if you were told your family will never speak to you again. i cannot imagine it and would feel so adrift, even though i would have the love of my partner. i have my own pain to deal with but i can also feel his. i love him but i dont see a way we will be together for ever. however, never say never, and as one person here replied, life is strange.
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A
female
reader, jjjj +, writes (24 February 2012):
jjjj is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you anerol for your reply. i have just messaged you privately in your inbox. it would be good to chat about what happned to you and share this.
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A
female
reader, Anerol  +, writes (23 February 2012):
Well, I'm so sorry. It's incredible how things can change so quickly. I really don't understand. In Europe we act in a different way, I mean despite all the difficulties we try to find a solution, but it is a team work. I noticed however that for them it is not the same. In my case, he decided. I asked him to wait trying to find a proper solution together. He already decided. He always decided for both! What I cannot understand is how he looked in my eyes, saying that he loves me so much that he will never give up and that he will try his best and then for something not related to me, not related to us, he changed his mind saying he is too tired and he is stuck! So? I was there, I was living there for 6 months, I was ready to go back and live there, or to go in any other place and now he said he is too tired? But the worst thing is that he disappeared. Not a messages, not a mail, not a call. And of course he never answered my calls. Any signs after we talked each day since three years for hours. Well I don't know. I left my door open hoping he will get his life back. Everything can happen cause this life is so strange, but at the same time I have to go ahead with my life. I did my best, I have no regrets, cause I was fair, honest and I always took care of him in the best way. It is a pleasure to share that with you although I would have preferred better circumstances! By the way. If you got some news I would like to know. Think about your life and don't lose your hopes, never. It's not your fault, this is the best I can say: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
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A
female
reader, jjjj +, writes (23 February 2012):
jjjj is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy situation is that 3 weeks ago i went to lebanon to see a friend, but whilst i was there i saw him and went out a few nights with him. we are still friends but he said he doesnt think he loves me anymore because the biggest feeling he feels is guilt. as the time that i was there went by and we spent more time together, he started thinking about me and him more and about how he could possibly change things. he said he wanted another chance but didnt want me to push him or to pressure him. he said he wanted to think and needed time. i changed my flight to stay a few extra days to give us the time, but on my last night he refused to see me and gave excuses due to work as the reason. i came home and the first week i was back, he didnt text. i did and his replies were very vague. the last time i heard from him was on valentines day and he said he would ring when he could. that was 9 days ago . i have texted and rung him since then, but he wont answer me. i think i should just give up...even going there and being with him again wasnt enough. his mother stopped us having a future because she wouldnt give me a chance and now since breaking up and not seeing each other or keeping this alive, we have drifted apart. what a waste of a love and a relationship all due to someone elses selfishness and one other persons lack of courage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): Hi.
It happened the same to me. I'm sure his mother made pressure on him even if completely changed because of financial problems. He was ready to move in Europe, we were searching so much, making applications. He is 6 years younger than me. His brother were in trouble and he gave him all his money and he also took a loan. He said his life is ended. He can't offer me anything and of course he can't move in Europe because he is afraid. I can't go there because no one accept this relationship. He is Muslim and I'm christian. So in the end, despite all the good opportunities he got here in Europe, i swear to god, he decided to break up. He is suffering he was planing to live with me, to marry me of course cause we are exactly the same. Same values, same education, we fall in love for the first time, he read my mind and I read his we perfectly know what we need and what makes us feel better. We were in peace and so happy together and i swear to god is impossible to pretend. He changed after what happened and he broke up. I have no news from him since 13 January, so the question is, what happened to you after that?
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A
female
reader, jjjj +, writes (5 September 2011):
jjjj is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim so confused about this. im hurt and feel so let down. i want to thank those who replied for their honest answers. i keep telling myself that i should have gone over to lebanon to see him just after christmas, when the pressure was mounting. he had told his mother about me in november, a month after we came back from turkey and told her he couldnt live without me, he felt so well around me and loved me so much. he said he wasnt letting me go to her and that he would find a way of us being together and that she couldnt keep him. he was down so many nights when i talked to him, kept saying he didnt want to lose anyone and needed to work this out with his mother. kept thinking of ways to persuade her. in january 2011 we argued a few times and his texts werent every day to me. he was slowly pulling away cos he could see he was losing the battle with his mother. i should have gone to lebanon then and saw him. im not one for travelling alone, especially to beirut and would have been anxious to go there, but now looking back, i keep thinking i should have gone for him to see me and face me and look at me again. at least that way he would have maybe had more fight because his family are there with him, he lives with them and they have the chance to riddle him with guilt. im so angry at myself i keep thinking i should have gone and even now, i have been trying to summon the courage, as i talk to him on skype on cam once a fortnight and he still loves me, i keep thinking should i jump on a plane and go there for a week to see if this can be saved. how do you let someone go who you know in your heart was the right one for you and move on. i just dont think i can. i still love him so much. should i go and try one more time?
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 He did not fight because he did not have the strength to. His ties to his family were stronger than his love for you.
Because of his young age, he does have different life experiences and a different self-actualization of what is important in life. He would always have that gap with you regardless of the strong feelings.
He realized he could not have both you and his family. Ultimately it was his choice, not his Mothers.
So sorry for your loss.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): You must be feeling so low now.
Personally I think he did what he wanted to do and used his mother as an excuse.I dont know about their society but I would have thought a 25 year old man could do as he pleased. Maybe he wanted children and you didnt? There are many 'age difference' problems in any culture. Maybe reality kicked in and the internet had created a romantic illusion he thought he wanted.
Whatever it was he just proved to you he definately wasn't worthy of your love and I would slowly pick up the pieces of your life and get back out there.Put him behind you and in time you will realise he was just not the man for you.
But there will be somebody special for you and when your ready you'll find him
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): It sounds like he lacked the fortitude to go against what his family thought of you to stand up for someone he supposedly loved.
Why do you want someone who wouldn't fight for you? You're better off with out him, and you'll find someone more suitable to you. I know it's hard to be broken up with, but it gets better!
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