A
male
age
30-35,
*nonymous1992
writes:I'll try to keep it short. My wife picked up a small second job cleaning/taking care of an elderly man (80's) 20 hours a week. She heard of this guy through a customer at her waitressing job. Guy is paying her $20 an hour under the table. Pretty good. Now the problem. She's only worked there twice and the first time she went there he made a comment saying he's a sex and love addict and that his dick doesn't get hard anymore and that he hasn't had sex for 15 years... She should have left then right. I guess my wife brushed it off and didn't think anything of it. His wife died in the empty pool in the backyard a few years ago. Sounds sketch to me. Anyways, the 2nd day she worked there she said he kept making comments "man if you were my wife is lay you down.." i guess he sat down in the kitchen and said "okay just let me say my piece." And he talked about how he cant get hard anymore so he cant have sex but giving oral sex still pleases him and that hes good at it. WTF!!!! He said "My son says this is a bad idea, I'm gonna get in trouble with you and I can't handle you" I think he's already been through all this and gotten in trouble before. He says how he doesn't want to mess up our marriage and all this shit but yet He's doin all this shit. He says the pheromnes that my wife brings in his home are beautiful! Hannibal Lector crap. The only thing my wife said to all this is i dont think my husband would approve! Im mad about that too. I told her she needs to text him and say everything so theres written documents and she wont cause shes scared. She wants to do it in person but if she wont in text she wont in person so i will for her. Hes an old retired rich ass veterinarian that thinks he can get whatever he wants whenever he wants it typical old rich white guy. I'm pissed cause my wife thinks we need the money bad enough to keep working there, we made it fine before. But im also pissed at this old perv making passes at my wife!Idk what to do I'm trying to talk my wife out of working there and I also want to go to his house and tell this guy my lady won't be showing up anymore you crossed the line.My wife says she's gonna talk to the dude and set her boundaries and ask for more money. How do I know this creep ain't gonna drug my wife out there, or is plotting some shit with his friends or something.I guess my question is why won't my wife quit the job do you guys think she feels we need the money that bad. Do you think something already maybe happened. I don't understand why she wont listen to me and quit.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 August 2018):
 As a married woman I don't think I would hack this job, more so to do with things from my past. However it sounds like your wife wants to make a quick buck from this man, and she probably likes the attention.
Do I think something has happened? No not at all. I think she feels she can handle him and also make some money without declaring it and paying taxes. Not sure how she could report this as she would only be putting herself in trouble.
I think you need to sit down and tell her how you feel, but do it calmly and not aggressively, I am sure you can trust her if you married her.
If things are that bad then maybe you could try getting an extra job and ask her if she would quit as you are worried about her. But I guess at the end of the day it is her choice if she wants to work with him. She probably sees him as harmless and you are probably worrying more than you should. He is an old man that yes is pervy but probably also very lonely.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 August 2018):
 I think your wife believes she can handle the old horny coot. And make some money at the same time.
Have you told her, "I rather you didn't work for this old creep, his behavior gives me the creeps and I worry for your safety? I don't like you working for a guy who sees you as a piece of ass - because I feel YOU deserve respect and not being leered at".
Now if she feels she can handle this old coot, I'd trust her to do so, BUT I would also make sure she knows if he crosses ANY LINES that she needs to just WALK out of there and never go back.
I think the better route is for her to know that you trust her, and that SHE can set boundaries for herself.
In high-school we went through some work programs and one of those were to help out at an old-folks home. I was maybe 15? And I tell you, my bum was black and blue from pinches of these old coots! The first day I "suffered" in silence, the second day I told the nurse I was helping and she gave each old dude and earful. It was glorious. And they behaved after that (at least with me).
But it also made me 100% sure that it was NOT a job for me. EVER.
I think your wife sees this as a way to make good money - all she really has to do is bear and grin. $400 a week is a substantial income boost. It might help you two save up for something.
And the thing is, whether people want to admit it or not, it is unfortunately common that people act like this.
Your wife isn't interested in him. She just wants to make life easier for you and her. And ignoring his "prattle" is (for her - worth it).
I think if she is smart she WILL set boundaries. She will tell him, Mr. XX I don't want to hear about your limp dick or your sexual notions. I'm here to clean house and help out, nothing else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2018): I understand you are upset for your wife, but please be calm. The man is in his 80's. It is possible he is suffering from early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's or something. Especially since his family seems to be aware of this issue. If your wife is uncomfortable, she can decide to quit the job. They probably pay her under the table because they cannot get a reputable company to take him on as a client due to his mental issues. Not a great situation, and I personally would not want to keep this job, not because of the poor old man, but because the family was not forthcoming about the issue before she took this on(or were they, and she just didn't tell you?)I don't see any point of you going to the house to confront him. That will not fix the problem, and won't really make you feel better, and will embarrass your wife. I agree with you that she should quit if you are this against her working with this guy. However, she will have to be the one to quit, you cannot do that for her.Talk to your wife and "calmly" tell her how this really makes you feel. You feel that this is an interference in your marriage and you will not accept this. If she keeps this job, are you prepared to leave her? Is it really that much of an issue? I would also suggest you get a therapist to help you both communicate about this issue. It can help so much to have a mediator in this type of conversation that only seems to have 2 sides. Think about it. I hope this helps, R
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2018): I think it would be best for you both if the wife quit the job, claiming sexual harrassment.Yes, he's a dirty old man and yes, he's behaving like a snake in the grass.The wife has told you everything and I think you are right to be concerned.Who knows what a dirty ol geezer wull do in the mist of Alzheimer's.He could forget it wasnt kettle cleaner and put something more toxic in so I personally dont think your concerns are absurd.Personally I think the sooner she quits the better as he will always have a hold over her via the threat of the tax man with this undeclared income.Thats the point that sticks.Its not above board. Its a shady arrangement.The old geezer is improper and self entitled.He thinks he's getting his verbal kicks at the least.But he also sounds manipulative, devious and nasty.So in the long run this is not a good arrangement.Wifey could find a better job probably.Something less covert and more open where she is clearly not a sexual object. She probably bats him away by saying things like "I dont want to hear about your teeny tinkle!" But maybe she's just the kind sort who says things like: "I hear ageing is very difficult!" You could ask how she deals with it?She might just brush it off (the words and the dusting) and only tell you so that you can laugh at his silly mind!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2018): Sir, your wife is a grown-woman. Yes, the old man is out of line and a creep. I think she can handle this situation; and it can happen on any job! Nobody gets hit-on by men more than waitresses or servers at restaurants and bars! You're worried about a dried-up old 80 year-old man?
I don't think we here at DC have the right to characterize your wife one way or the other. Perhaps she sees an angle here; but he's the one trying to entice women into sex. If you ask nurses and women who work in retirement or nursing facilities; they get these propositions on a daily-basis from nasty old-pervs! It comes with the job. Most of these old-guys have no filters; because they have the onset, or suffer the full-effects, of dementia.
You don't have any right to have suspicions about what happened to his wife. You're only inflating your own insecurities and suspicions by piling other things on top what you have no evidence to support. He's a dirty old-man for sure; and if it gets more than verbal, your wife is going to handle it.
Let her deal with it. If she asks for more money; he's only going to fire her, and hire somebody else. He's not going to keep her around unless she seals the deal. Trust her, she won't!
The problem here is you don't trust your wife. Why would you suspect she has already done anything? Do you think so lowly of her? Why?!! Women take jobs and deal with men-crap everyday! It doesn't matter where she works. Are you on the same planet? Why would she tell you all the details about him; if she has done anything?
Continue to tell her how uncomfortable you feel about it; and the pressure coming from both sides might push her to decide to give-up the job. I think disgust will do the work for you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2018): Man oh man, there is something VERY wrong with your wife, OP and something very wrong with this situation! Most women (married or not!) would high tailed it out of there the first time the old crow crossed the line! He's disgusting! Your wife should find him disgusting! I'd tell her your marriage is on the line over this!! You're right to be so worried!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (19 August 2018):
 I'm a carer and this is ridiculous. First of all, she could get caught with $1,200 extra per month. People pay taxes for a reason. Secondly, she's just scavenging for money if she'll put up with that from a mentally well person. If he's doing it because he isn't mentally well, then he should have proper care and not be pushed for more money.
Whilst I'm not sure she'd have sex with him, I do think she may allow him to look and touch for more money - which is cheating, prostitution and gross. That said, it's not up to you what she does, so don't talk to him at all.
Time to decide if this is the marriage you signed up for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2018): You sound very upset and seem to have a temper problem.
We don't know if you really need the money because you never mentioned your financial situation. But I supppse your wife does feel that you need the money because she opted to take this job PRIOR to knowing how this man is... hence, I think you've painted an ugly picture of your wife lowering her standards for money.
Sometimes, elders that have no family feel lonely and are grumpy. It is up to your wife to asses whether this man is ranting or he wants to make a move. Your wife is an adult, and I'm sure she can asses that, and if she still chooses to work for him, then as her husband, you should respect that.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 August 2018):
 Sorry, but I actually spluttered when I read "My wife says she's gonna talk to the dude and set her boundaries and ask for more money." So, as I understand it, your wife is willing to put up with this lecherous old perv if he pays her more? So she is offended because he is saying all this for $20 an hour but will tolerate it for more money?
Sir, if my understanding is correct, your wife is basically prostituting herself. Once this guy, to whom money is no object, realizes your wife attitude depends on how much he pays her, he will keep offering her more and more until she gives in (if she hasn't already - I notice you already have doubts on that score). Everyone has a "price" if their main concern is money.
I don't think it would be a good idea for you to go round and see this guy, as it could end up getting messy. YOU don't want to end up in prison for assault or worse. However, you do need to tell your wife that, if she thinks $20 an hour extra cash is worth her self respect and her husband's peace of mind, then you two really need to rethink your whole marriage.
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