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female
age
51-59,
*ore
writes: Does my husband not care for me as I do for him. He as high blood pressure and high cholesterol and I ask him if he as checked his blood pressure and taken his tablets for cholesterol nearly every day.Why didn’t he seem concerned why I told him about my palpitations and feeling like I was going to faint and my cough I had for ages. Why wasn’t he bothered instead just saying, keep a eye on it. Why not be more worried and say go to the doctor or ask me how both my health issues were. I asked people how they are because I’m a caring person and to know when you have been married over 25 years I would expect you would be concerned for the other partner if something is wrong with them.I’m hardly ever ill and I take vitamins everyday. If he loves me and cares for me which he says he does then why not ask me like I do with him.My palpitations have stopped and I went for a chest X ray and that came back fine but before they stopped and I went for the X ray he still didn’t seem bothered.Should I stop asking him about his health issues and treat him how he treats me by showing I’m not concerned. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2023): Taking a multivitamin daily won't do much if anything to help your health. If health is important to you spend time researching how to prevent illness - you can do this online for free- earth clinic is a great site. It sounds as if your palpitations etc were a panic attack, brought on by thinking about your husband and health and getting worried about it.
Good idea then to concentrate on that. Something for anxiety which is natural would help you far more than multivitamins.
And stop asking husband about his health. If you do it a lot it makes the other person feel as if you are far worse than they are and about to die. It gets them more worried. If he is taking statins think about getting plant sterols instead, less side effects, safer, cheap and natural.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (21 February 2023):
 I'm going to write out the long answer to this even though my test post was inconclusive.
To answer your first and main question which was, "Does my husband not care for me as I do for him.?" No what you are reporting here does not show that your Husband does not care for you. What it shows is that your Husband expresses his emotions in a different way than you do. This should not surprise you. Men are different than women. To him Keeping an eye on it is better than daily nagging. That is very typical for men of his age. We tend to be more passive about health issues. For example I may wish that my wife would schedule her age appropriate cancer screenings. But, I am not going to talk to her about it more than maybe once a year. She doesn't like thinking about it, and has no family history. So I respect her boundary and allow her to make that choice.
This leads to your final question, which was, "Should I stop asking him about his health issues and treat him how he treats me by showing I’m not concerned.?" Yes I believe you should back off asking him about his pills and tests, not because you are trying to punish him by h=not caring about him, but because you trust him. You can respect his boundary, and still care for him. You can ask once a week or once a month If he needs a new bottle of pills and how his blood pressure is trending. I don't know that he sees your care as nagging, but I would.
This is a communication issue. The main point here is that he communicates his emotion of care for you in a different way than you do. You do need to learn to hear what he isn't saying.
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