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Does he love me? Need to know. Will he leave his wife?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating, Family, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 August 2011) 15 Answers - (Newest, 29 August 2011)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am sleeping with a married man who I have history with. He has other women in other towns as well. He says his wife doesn't sleep with him and treats him bad. He says he wants to leave her but he says she is crazy and probably would do something that would be no good foe if he did. He doesnt want to hurt her. Other members of his family have confirm the same. We talk every once in a while but we always call for sex. He says he likes me a lot.

I just want to know, does he like me? Or will he ever leave his wife ? Or what would happen if I continue to see him?

View related questions: married man

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011):

my god! dump that serial cheater and take care of your life. why do you want to be a toy of such a selfish man?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011):

I am not blasting you, but I don't understand.

No matter how good the sex is, could it possibly be that good, so awesome, so mind blowing, that women would put up with this? That nobody else could possibly imagine equaling with any other partner?

Or, is this just a great schmoozer and you feel like you are worthless compared to him, and that his awesome greatness only talking to you makes you feel like you are a prize for the day?

I would suspect the latter, because I like sex, probably way more than the next guy or gal, and I'd never let anyone treat me like this.

If it is the first option, then I've just go to have sex with him myself, even though I'm definitely not gay or even wired that way at all.

Perhaps a counselor would be more help to you than anyone here.

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A male reader, Flashtony United Kingdom +, writes (26 August 2011):

oh come on girl! wake up and smell the coffee...

this guy's a user.... move on!

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (26 August 2011):

eyeswideopen agony auntAren't you a little long in the tooth not to be able to figure this out for yourself? A wife AND other women? Jeeze Louise.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011):

nope he won't leave his wife because he's comfortable with the present arrangement since you and other women make up for what she lacks and he's afraid to cause disruption in his life by divorcing her.

basically,

leaving his wife = lots of chaos and maybe scary stuff will ensue for him

staying with his wife = avoiding chaos and scary stuff, and get fulfilled by you and other women.

you do the math - will he leave his wife? what's the incentive to?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011):

so he cheats on you as well as his wife, and he has other women too..........

have u had a STD checkup. or even a HIV test?? hun, if you share him with all then guuess what? u deserve it if you " catch" something. if u cannot even protect your health then what more can i say?

strange how all cheating men have 'cruel" wives!

LoveGirl

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (26 August 2011):

Honeypie agony auntWhy are the wives always crazy?

Is he like a rockstar in bed? Since so many woman seem to have no problem sharing this one guy. I don't get it. He is a liar and a cheat, not some "prize".

Will he leave his wife for you? Doubtful, since he's getting what he want from you (and other women) without having to go through divorce and take responsibility for his actions. I'd say he is a waste of time if you want a monogamous relationship.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (26 August 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony aunthe likes you enough to call you for sex... will he ever leave his wife... maybe... will he leave his wife for YOU probably not or he would have done so already..

I was married when I met someone and not unhappily. I started a sanctioned (by my husband it was NOT cheating) relationship with this man IN December.. My the beginning of March my husband moved out... and I was with this man full time...

folks do not stay in marriages they don't want to be in...

if you continue to see him, he will continue to use you for sex and you will continue to think and wonder if he will ever leave his wife for you... and get unhappier and unhappier when he does not.

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A male reader, Wild Thaing Canada +, writes (26 August 2011):

Wild Thaing agony auntHoney, you are not even getting sloppy seconds. One day you may look back and wonder how you could have chosen to be in such a demeaning relationship.

Until then, have fun being one of a few side dishes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011):

the only thing this guy loves is his ego. Women all over the place... Is this Hugh Heffner?? Seriously, you live in the States, there must be millions of nice single men there. Forget about this tosser and go out Saturday night and enjoy yourself!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011):

Most cases I would say that he is just using you for the sex, especially since that is 99% of what he calls for. But life has proven otherwise for me as well. See, I am in the same boat. I have a relationship with a married guy, and I do trust that he genuinely likes me. Keeping good faith, I'll assume that what your boyfriend says to you is also true.

Unfortunately, that doesn't mean much. I highly doubt he'll leave his wife for you. The best chance there is is that his own problems with his wife promote a divorce on their own, and only if his wife is the one that is pushing for it. It is unlikely he'll file for one himself, as there is stability in staying married regardless of how she treats him. Even if that did happen, there is no guarantee that he'll go to you. You mentioned he has other women in other towns, so who knows who he would pick out of you all, if any of you.

I know it's a lot of heart ache. I still don't really accept how things are in my situation - still holding on to hope for some stupid reason. But realistically speaking, it would be best to try to move on. That's what I'm trying right now. No amount of 'like' will grow to 'love' just because you want it to. Good luck.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (25 August 2011):

angelDlite agony auntthis guy is giving you every cheesy line in the married cheats handbook.

he has other women as well as you? maybe if he leaves his crazy wife, he might land on one of his other women, not you.

if you are in this just for the sex, then carry on. if you are hoping that he will fall in love with you and make you happy every after - you are wasting your time

x

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (25 August 2011):

This man is a walking, talking cliché! Not just that, but each excuse is contradicting another excuse!

- He says his wife doesn't sleep with him and treats him bad.

- He has other women in other towns.

- He says he wants to leave her, but that she's crazy and would do something.

- He doesn't want to hurt her.

- He only calls you for sex.

- He says he likes you.

Okay. If she really is that bad and she doesn't sleep with him, then why DOESN'T he leave? What crazy thing would she do exactly? My view? He's the problem, not her. She's probably an entirely charming, caring, good woman who is oblivious to her husband's cheating.

He likes you? Yet he sleeps with other women in other towns and only calls you for sex? Does that really sound like he likes you? My view? He's using you for sex, and all those other women too.

He doesn't want to hurt her? Yet he cheats with multiple women, lies to her, makes a mockery of her? Mr view? He's a cheating, uncaring coward.

He will never leave his wife - she does his washing and makes home a homely place.

He doesn't like you - if he did, he'd have left her before starting to see you, he wouldn't have all those other woman and he wouldn't just use you for sex.

What will happen if you continue to see him? Well, either you'll catch an STD, have an encounter with his wife where you'll find out the truth and look very, very foolish, or you'll end up a very unhappy and lost woman who is alone.

There is nothing good about this man. He's just a cheat. And the longer you let yourself be treated like a piece of meat, or a notch on his bedpost, the less likely it is that you'll meet the right guy.

Stop seeing him and carve out a new, better life for yourself.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011):

He likes you but like you said, he also likes other women and probably always will. Even if he got divorced, you would just be one of the many so nothing much would change...just different women you'd be competing against.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011):

You know very well what will happen so why are you asking? For confirmation or are you hoping that we will gloss the situation over and make this sound like romeo and juliet?

Read all the other tales of married men on here and see what you think!

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