A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been dating this guy for 2 months now. I really like him and feel like things were going really well. I finally thought I’d met someone special. I however asked him where he saw this going and he said he didn’t know I feel really upset and hurt. He said it’s certain he wants to keep seeing me and he likes my company and he thinks I’m beautiful and have amazing personality and it’s exclusive and that he wants to get work sorted (I know he’s having stressful time there at moment and has massive pressure on him for next couple of weeks) then go from there. He doesn’t seem to get why I’m upset. I wanted him to say a relationship. I don’t want to be in a position waiting around for someone who isn’t sure I feel really hurt and I don’t want to be used. What would you do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (9 September 2023):
 Way too soon for this.
Relax and enjoy the relationship. You deserve to be happy.
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (6 September 2023):
 To be honest two months into a new relationship is not really a great deal of time, you still in that kind of new getting to know each other phase.
By your own admission you say he likes your company, thinks your beautiful, have an amazing personality, and its excusive.
My advice would be to keep going how your going and just see how things pan out over the natural course of time.
I feel if you go giving him ultimatums you are going to risk pushing him away.
I would say, go by your womens intuition, if he ticks your boxes and you feel its right and is is not playing games or disappearing for long periods of time,or is elusive, etc then stick around and see what happens.
Maybe give it another two months and see if anything has progressed by this time.
If you found the right one this is worth waiting for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2023): Oh dear. So many women mess up a good potential relationship by being clingy, needy, insecure, wanting some sort of commitment far too soon. As soon as they make this clear to the guy he starts to cool off more and more quicker and quicker. You have no right to know where it is going after just a few months. And it's a daft question as many guys would lie to you and pretend it's going wherever you want it to go so that you'll sleep with them. I've even known of guys who bought a girl a very cheap engagement ring so that she shut up about where is it going and felt it was all going her way when in truth he was just getting a lot of sex very very cheap. No intention of following through later.This guy sounds very sensible. And honest. But you come across as needy and immature. He will pick up on that somewhere along the line if you are not careful, and run for the hills.You need to be sure about yourself as a single person before you can make a relationship work and last. There is something about you that screams out you are not happy single. That scares people off.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 September 2023):
 Well, I think it's OK to not be sure after only 2 months. But I also think not having sexual relations UNTIL you feel like THIS is your person is a good idea.
You can't always know if another person is going to be good long-term within a couple of months and a few dates. You CAN know if you see potential, you obviously do and he... doesn't?
Or doesn't ... yet?
Set yourself a time limit on how long YOU are willing to give him to figure out if he sees you as a long-term partner or not. And then STICK to it.
He isn't saying that he wants you to wait around "forever" but he needs to focus on work for the next couple of weeks and that SHOULD take priority over dating.
However, would this be a one-time only? Or is his line of business so exhausting that he really doesn't HAVE to time date? long term?
You say you don't want to wait around. OK then the answer is easy, you walk away.
You say you don't want to be used, that one is always trickier - because you can not read his mind or know another person's true intentions. But you CAN set realistic boundaries for HOW others get to treat you.
My advice?
See how he deals with this work stress over the coming weeks.
#1 Does he totally ignore you? (for weeks while busy at work)
#2 He JUSt wants to meet up for sex but is too busy for real dates?
#3 Does he check in but doesn't have time to spend time with you in person?
#4 Or does he find time to ALSO see you in person but a lot less due to work?
If he does #1 or #2 I'd walk away.
If it's #3 or #4 he might still BE a potential mate.
But it does come down to HOW much YOU like him.
I do think you need to SLOW your roll though. 2 months is a SHORT time and you REALLY don't know him as well as you may THINK you do.
It's not a RACE to find a good long-term partner, taking YOUR time to see if someone really IS a good fit is WAY more important.
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