A
female
age
36-40,
*ruthplease
writes:I'm 27 and I'm not not married, finishing school with my graduate degree in 2 years and by then I will be close to 30. It's starting to scare me only because I always thought that I would have met the right guy by now and all my friends are in relationships, starting to get engaged, married, or starting to have babies and from the looks of facebook so are all my acquaintances and ex bfs too! It feels like I'm no where near meeting mr. right and even though right now I'm not too concerned about it and I'm trying to keep focused on school and work and living my life happily with friends and family. Sometimes I think what if I don't meet that person any time soon and then it will be too late for me to have children, even though I know I shouldn't I still feel the clock ticking. Last week I took this mind body class and the teacher was saying that marriage isn't the fairytale it's cut out to be in the movies as we are taught growing up and if you think as a young woman that getting married and having kids is what you need to do it will only bring you temporary happiness. I'm trying to listen to what he said and apply it to my life, but I can't get over feeling like I really want marriage and children. I'm happy in my life right now as far as work and career but I had always wanted to have children at a young age and I feel like times going to pass by and that won't happen. Also every guy I have dated in the last year for some reason or another it just hasn't worked out. Any other females that have been through these feelings of the clock ticking have any advice? Or any males that could give me advice from their viewpoint?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): In my opinion, you're lucky to be 27 and not be married. I'm a couple years younger than you, I married very young, and am having regrets about it. I feel like I never got to just go have fun. I feel tied down and unhappy.
I think you should try to enjoy being single while it lasts.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2013): 30 year old girl here- recently married and preggers. I agree with the first poster, everyone defines happiness differently- sometimes people justify their sadness by pointing out the negatives or saying it really doesn't matter. For most women, it does.My very pretty friend joined an online dating website at 25 and was swamped with men of all ages 19-55 messaging her for dates, at 27 She was still getting attention, but by 30 it was a trickle. The girl is gorgeous and educated. We theorized that it wasn't looks really, but more so the number that freaked guys out ( it usually means at 30 she will be looking for a husband). Looks are fleeting and as is that magic number where men see you as young and relaxed about dating and marriage. Dating a 35 year old is too much pressure for guys in the same age range. They want to be relaxed dating and not feel for pressured to make a decision. That's why you see so many men in their 30's marrying women in their 20's... When there are plenty of women available in heir 30's!I think your at the point where you have a few years left before the pressure is on. I'd take advantage of these years by going to business mixers, community mixers, alumni events, young adult professional association mixers ... Anywhere where people are there to network, talk and use their brains. Many people meet in such a way. Bars are ok, but a miss usually.I think it's time to take advantage of your youth and looks. Better feel the pressure now than at 34.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2013): Time waits for no one.If you're really truly concerned about having children and getting married, then this should be as much of a priority as school is, as it's obvious that you wouldn't jump into a relationship with just anyone and need time to get to know someone.I think your teacher's opinion is total BS. What she/he considers happiness may not be what you consider happiness, and many people think their best achievement lies in building their families.Since prince charming isn't going to ride up to you in a horse...you have to consider if maybe you're making it too hard for anyone to approach you. Having high standards is great, but don't think anyone in the world will match up to your fantasy partner, because that's just wishful thinking. Open the door and consider it your work - just as school is - to find someone appropriate for you with an open mind. Yes you're young, but you're smart enough to know that youth is fleeting and you are old enough to settle down somewhat.Don't be afraid of this truth. Take action. Approach finding a partner like a challenge - you win by getting married and having children.
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