A
male
age
30-35,
*ustToonz
writes:About 2 years ago, i lost my virginity to my cousin, and just a few days ago, i got baked with some friends and i went home and was laying in my bed and just thought about my life and what have i done with it, and the topic came up in my head and it dawned on me that i lost my virginity to my cousin and this all happened last Sunday and all this week i have not been enjoying my normal hobbies like playing video games or going swimming because of that, but this has never bothered me until now.Back then when this event happened, i was full of hormones and still going through puberty and all i did was watch porn on every other Saturday night but i was not thinking at all, my cousin how ever was not a virgin, me and her had sex for about a 1 minute until i came to my since and thought to myself what was i doing, and all this happened 2 years ago, and now i have this harsh guilt that keeps going around in my head that i didn't loose it to the right one. I'm in College now and that dirty thought just keeps coming back, even if i try to not think about it, and everyone knows you only got one chance at life, and i lost the most precious thing to someone who never should have taken it, we did use a condom, but i am never ever doing that again, but will this guilt go away? i has been affecting me since it happened 2 years ago, what do i tell a girl when she asks me am i still a virgin? what should i do.?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): If it's any consolation a lot of non North-American countries find sex between two cousins normal, so if it is the fact that you are related that is bothering you, don't let it. Your mistake, regardless of whether or not it was your cousin, was about it not being the right person.
In a few months you will be totally over this...and perhaps avoid seeing her for a very long time if that makes you feel better. Good luck!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 October 2013):
 I suggest that you have yourself hypnotized, and that the hypnotist "tell you" that you had sex with Mylie Cyrus, NOT your cousin.... That should take care of the "problem" post-haste!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 Look, you're the first guy I heard of who speaks of his virginity as a precious gift. That's typically what girls are being told in conservative homes and societies.
Your virginity is what you make of it. Really. To you, at that time, it wasn't a big deal. You didn't think it was some special "once in your lifetime" big thing. So, naturally, you did what you did because at the time you didn't find it wrong.
Then you grew older, and you're starting to change your perception of things. Okay, all is well and fine with that, but do NOT make your new perception of things colour your PAST actions. Back then you didn't think like you do now, so why are you holding yourself up to a standard you just recently came up with? That's like punishing someone for something they did yesterday that wasn't made a crime until today. How were you supposed to know, 2 years ago, that today you'd feel differently about it? How could you have possibly known? You didn't, and you can't expect that from yourself either. Because the end result of that would be that you, now, today, will have to think up how you will react to every possible future scenario, and then not change your mind about it ever in your life.
And that's ridiculous.
Look, you did what you did. Who you have sex with matters to you now, and it didn't matter back then. So, follow your new "rules" from this day on, and don't start punishing yourself for things you did before these new rules were made. From now on, only have sex with that one special person you find worthy of it. It's not like your penis is broken just because you aren't a virgin. It's not like your body is filthy or dirty just because you aren't a virgin. Your body is exactly the same as when you were a virgin. The only thing that has changed is that you now have an experience. And that experience led you to the person you are today, to the new standards you hold for yourself.
Never regret the things you did, because you did what you thought best at the time. And that's all you can demand from yourself, that you always do what you think is best. You can't predict the future, but as long as you do what is best for you, and what you feel is the best option, in all situations, then you have nothing to regret. Remember that the 16 year old you didn't know what the 18 year old you knows.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 October 2013):
 First of all, you ask what you should tell a girl about your "status" of virginity.
Be honest, tell her you lost it and it wasn't a great experience. YOU DO NOT have to explain WHO you lost it to or the circumstances.
How much older was this cousin and how old were you?
Secondly, you didn't LOSE anything. You had your first time with someone you didn't care for in a "love" kind of way. Doesn't mean that your second, third and the next ones after that are going to be bad by default.
Last but not least, STOP beating yourself up about this. You made a bad choice. You made a mistake. You were horny and hormones were running amok. It happens. The thing is, you CAN NOT change it. It's a done deal. The ONLY thing you have any control of is HOW you act in the future. IF it means a LOT to you to ONLY have sex with someone who means something significant to you, then STICK to your gun and follow your heart.
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