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Advice please on raising girls

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Question - (6 February 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 8 February 2017)
A female Kuwait age 36-40, *abona writes:

Hi all, i just wanted to share my thoughts with you.. have you noticed people around us lately - the social media? People are all posing nude and doing sexy poses etc. Girls want to pose half naked. The butt (sorry) has become the women's most prized possession... She has to make sure the shape is showing... Looks have become very important .. What a world we live in nowadays.. Sometimes i wish i was back in the era where there was only the house phone, where everyone had some shy aspects in them...

I have two girls and I'm already frightened of how they will they be raised in this world and which direction they will go. Any advice ?

Thank u so much

View related questions: shy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017):

I would include talks about the certain types of men out there who do not have women's best interests at heart shall we say? That this type of posing reinforces some men's belief that this is all women are good for.

Praise them for their brains and their achievements and ambitions, not just their looks.

Encourage them to think about how they will achieve independence and be their own person, not having to be dependant on a man. Teach them how important freedom is for them, achieved through education and earning their own money.

That there's more importance in realising their own intelligence, knowledge and therefore power and that when they respect themselves, others will follow. If they treat themselves as if their worth is based solely on their looks and posing ability, that that is all others will see in them too.

Find what they're passionate about and encourage them in that. That will bring a sense of self worth and they won't need to seek validation through 'likes' of photos.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (7 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI do understand why you are worried. But really all you can do is guide them and show them the way. Don't be scared to talk to your children about your values and beliefs, but also be prepared that they might not follow the same as yours. The best you can do is teach them right from wrong and guide them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017):

You're the parent set the rules and stick to your own personal opinion and beliefs

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (7 February 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntMy only tip would be to make them understand that the make-up and fashion industries are all based on women's insecurities.

How do you get women to buy, for example, anti wrinkle cream? By showing them how unattractive wrinkles are and how much prettier a woman looks without them, and by inferring that men will not find them attractive if they have wrinkles.

How do you get women to buy new clothes? By showing them how fantastic goddess-like air-brushed models look in them and putting the thought in their heads that, if they do not wear the same clothes, they will be inferior in some way.

The list goes on but I am sure you get what I am talking about. Insecurities in young girls/women are what keep such industries going and what allow stupid - and often dangerous fads - like surgery to get a certain shaped bum (what will happen to these fashion sheep when the "in" shape suddenly changes?).

My own favourite, while relatively harmless (i.e. no surgery involved) is the current craze to have eyebrows like a clown! I mean, come on girls! On what planet does that look pretty on?

Teach your girls to have confidence in their own individualities.

Teach them not be be mindless sheep and blindly follow whatever newest fashion craze is making money for the person/company who thought of it.

Teach them that being a nice person on the inside is much more important than looking like a carbon copy of their friends. I could go on but I am sure you get what I mean.

Above all, teach them that, whatever happens, you will love them regardless.

Good luck. I am sure that, with your guidance, they will turn out ok.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (6 February 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI have 3 daughters (16,14 and 12) NONE of them have ANY social websites that I do NOT check out. It's NOT an invasion of privacy that I look them over. I don't do it behind their backs, I ask them to show me and they have been VERY good themselves in having their privacy setting in place (strangers CAN NOT add them on Facebook). They PROUDLY show me their Instagram "mood boards" - my youngest posts her art, music, and photography and my middle one, HER art and things she likes from around the Internet. My oldest doesn't have ANY social websites, but she does have Skype and snap chat and ONLY friends/family she KNOWS are on there.

THEY have NO personal pictures of themselves on Instagram. Not my rule, but their OWN choice. They DO share photos with their cousins overseas in PRIVATE photo albums, but again nothing inappropriate - usually just goofing off pictures, pictures from shows they have been in, comic cons they were at - those kinds of things).

We have had MANY talks about HOW to stay safe on the internet. My middle daughter had some "creepy" dude follow her on Instagram asking her to post pictures of herself. that she "owed" her followers to show her face. And you know what? She came to me and asked what I would do. And I told her, Find a picture of an animal you like, post that. And then BLOCK this guy (we looked up HIs account and he was a guy in his 40's with a lot of sleazy pictures).

I don't know HOW often I hear that parents should TRUST their kid online, on their phones and NOT "invade" their privacy. And UP to a point, I agree with it. BUT MY JOB as a mom is to ALSO keep them safe. Which I take MORE serious than the KIDS having "privacy" on social media. After all, some of them share WAY too much online.

Now I'm sure you have heard about Kim Kardashian being attacked and robbed in Paris, correct? The Police ACTUALLY think the attackers TRACKED her movement in REAL time because she DID NOT have her privacy setting up. It's NOT hard to do.

So TALK to them about safety. Burst their bubble, so they KNOW there are people out there who are UP to no good. (without totally scaring them!)

I hope I have taught my girls that they are MORe than the sum of their "commercial body parts" such as booty and boobs. And so far it seems that way.

The BEST thing you can do is TEACH them to respect themselves, respect others, respect you and your rules. And TEACH them that they can COME to you wth anything.

Not EVERYONE poses semi-nude. Not everyone thinks their value is in their looks or their booty.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntJust teach them the way you hope they'll stay. Don't shame/insult anyone for the way they want to dress/pose, but teach your children the values you hold and hope they will grow up to be.

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