A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have a question I'd like some help with. I'm really confused as to whether I should get back with my ex. I was with my ex for 9 years 15-24. There were no issues everything was great almost perfect but nothing is perfect I guess. I loved him so much with all my heart I was broken when we broke up. Anyway we broke up because he quite honestly and as amicably as possible told me he was no longer sexually attracted to me. I put on 3 stone in the last year of our relationship and went up 3 dress sizes. I went from a UK 6(US 0) to a UK 12(US 6) I wasn't lazy I went to work every day I didn't neglect myself I still made an effort with him sext underwear that kind of thing I was just not taking care of excersize and what I ate I was working 60 hours a week 2 jobs to save the money for the house we were meant to be buying n cooking a healthy meal went out the window. Since we broke up I didn't wallow in self pity I joined the gym got a personal trainer lost the weight and got a qualification in nutrition and another in fitness I started my own business with the mortgage money I saved and now I travel the world making healthy meals out of different cuisines I not only lost the weight but I'm fitter and happier in myself than I've ever been. I don't hate my ex I respect the way he told me and his honesty he wasn't nasty and I understand it I look at my old self and get where he was comming from. The day he told we were both crying and I said I didn't want to see or speak to him again he wanted to keep contact but I couldn't of done that. I haven't slept with anyone else since not because I was hoping for something with him I just wanted to work on myself. I know he hasn't been in a relationship since but he's probably slept with girls which is fine he's single. So I don't have a personal social media account just a business one the other day he like it. And today my sister who dates his friend said he asked her for my number she told me he asks about me whenever she sees him but this time he told her he's never moved on still loves me and it's the biggest regret of his life. It's been a year since we broke up I've never asked about him or spoke to him nor had my sister told me he asked about me but she told me this time to ask if she could give him my number He's successful honest good looking and funny as hell we genuinely got on so well.Should I tell my sister to give him my number?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 February 2017):
 Well done OP, what you done took guts and courage. What he done was throw away a nine year relationship over you gaining weight. I can understand if you went from a size 6 to obese where he was worried about your health and weight but a size 12 is not huge it is a perfectly healthy size, therefore he should be ashamed off himself to throw such a long relationship away on that. Your body will go through changes you may not always be a size 6 and therefore you cannot live your life worrying that he will dump you the moment you get pregnant or gain some weight. You have made the right choice. Well done on all your hard work. I hope you find the right man for you now to complete your life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 February 2017):
 Good for you OP!
I think you made the right choice is not only staying CLASSY with the message you sent him, but with the choice of NOT getting back with him.
He is the PAST - you have moved on, on SO many levels, matured in SO many ways that who you WERE when you dated him and who you are now are two different people. HIM, on the other hand? Hasn't moved on. Wants you back because you have become the "perfect" girl of his past and his fantasies. Which means at some point (if you got together) you would not live up to his expectations (whatever they are). And why should you?
I think breaking up with him was the BEST thing that could have happened back then because... LOOK at you now? (I don't mean your looks, but your drive and success).
What you want in a partner at 15 is RARELY what you want in a partner at 25+. Now he may STILL be stuck in the "I want a pretty and fit GF" or in the " I haven't found anyone else so I'll get back with the ex"... both are BAD choices.
GOOD for you OP and make sure you sister knows NOT to give your number out. It's GREAT that she asked you first.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (12 February 2017):
 I think you've made a wise decision. Just focus on continuing your success.
Best wishes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): Hi OP hereTo be honest I think I knew the type of responses I was going to get on here because they are all anxietys I already had I think what we had before is tainted now and I'll always wonder if he's going off me I never knew it was comming last time so this time il be scrutinising every little thing he does. That's no way to carry on a relationship, I think I just liked the idea of it and just needed some perspective. I messaged him myself today I just simply said it was nice of you to ask about me I'm doing fine but although I'm no longer heart broken over you we shouldn't talk and you should stick to your promise of no contact. I wish you health and happiness. I blocked him straight after it was really hard but it's done now I told my sister not to pass on anymore messages from him. Thank you all for taking the time to help me it is genuinely appreciated!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (12 February 2017):
It sounds like you've done really well for yourself in not going into a slump after the breakup and I think you should be proud of yourself for that.
In regards to your ex I think it's completely normal to be facing this dilemma there's some feelings there still which is understandable from the length of time you were together. How do you feel about it? Do you want to speak to him?
He was honest there's no denying that, but what happens if for whatever reason down the line something similar happened again and he lost sexual attraction just to end things again? I'm pretty sure you'd feel like you'd wasted your time all over again eh?
Also why didn't he have the balls to message you himself? How hard was it to send a message to the page that he liked? You would obviously see it.
You need to weigh up the pros and cons and think whether it's worth going back down a path that's caused you hurt already.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 February 2017):
 Absolutely not! Tell your sister to tell him to sling his hook. Just because nobody else wants him does not mean you can be his safety net.
Nicely as this man broke up with you - and all credit to him for that - what happens if you put weight on again? What if you have children? What if you fall ill? Will he suddenly decide he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you again when you have family to support? Can you trust him to stand by you through richer and poorer, through thinner and fatter? He has already proved you CAN'T rely on him for that.
You can bet your last penny that he has seen your photographs and thought "Wow! Look at that! Boobed there!" And now he suddenly wants you back because you are obviously "attractive" again to him. Honey, that boat has sailed. Let it go.
It is unusual for a relationship which started at such a young age to last so long. You are very different people now to when you were teenagers.
Romantic as the idea of going back to your childhood sweetheart is, would you rather not revisit old hurts and, instead, move forward? If you were to get into a relationship again with this guy, would you be paranoid each time you put on a pound in case he no longer found you attractive?
Respect to you for turning your life around and creating a good business. My advice would be to build on that and not go back.
Wishing you all the best.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 February 2017):
 Are you planning on eventually settling down and having children? Are you aware of the changes you might see in your body during and after pregnancy ... what if your body doesn't bounce right back to pre pregnancy shape and size?
Will he decide he again doesn't find you sexually attractive?
Here's another question, why didn't he approach YOU and tell you that he still loves you and regrets breaking up with you? Why does he need a messenger, doesn't he have the inner fortitude to contact you direct to say these things?
Personally you seem to have done very well without him in your life, why go backwards when you appear to be doing so well moving forwards?
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