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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: (Please read my previous post) So I wrote this post a little while ago: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-trust-my-boyfriend-around-his-female.htmlAfter blocking that girl, he promised me that he wouldn't talk to her again, and that he will ignore her completely, and I trusted his words. Basically, my boyfriend told me a week ago that the girl that he claims that actually likes him is a also the same girl that he also used to like before knowing me. This made me even more suspicious. And what's even worse, yesterday I had a really busy morning at the university, and I couldn't be with my boyfriend since I had to study, he was so furious because I couldn't be with him and he ignored me almost the whole day, I confronted him about his attitude and he said he is sorry, but today I asked him how was he doing yesterday, he told me that he stayed a bit late in the university studying, and I did believe that, and then he said that he also hanged out with a friend of his that I don't know about, as well as with that girl that he used to like and with another girl. I didn't say anything, and stayed silent. After a few minutes, he told me that he actually wasn't studying, and that he was looking for a classmate, so he saw the girl that he used to like and asked her if she knows where his classmate is, she said she doesn't know, and my boyfriend sat behind her and asked her if she wants to hang out, and they talked for an hour about "STUDYING". I'm so tired of his explanations telling me that I'm over reacting and that she's only a friend and that he loves me and no one can replace me, he thinks that I'm seeing her as a challenge or a competition, also blamed me for not spending time with him that morning, as if I'm here to entertain him during the breaks, and if I don't, he'll be looking around for someone to fill his time. I'm really hurt of what he did. He said that if he's hiding something or if he feels something towards her then he wouldn't tell me that he hanged out with her. I'm starting to doubt myself if I'm truly over reacting or not, we are having constant arguments about it, it's mentally tiring. Can please someone tell me if I'm being manipulated or am I just controlling and delusional.
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (23 November 2019):
 You're wrong for being controlling and he's wrong for punishing you. It seems like the two of you aren't the best fit. This sort of a cycle probably won't be broken any time soon so you have a serious decision to make as to whether or not this is all worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2019): It will only get worse. Dump him before he dumps you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2019): My advice OP, would be to drop him, for lying to you and creating way too much drama! You do want to control his contact with the other girl, but only after he put you on high alert, by telling you how much the other girl likes him! My opinion is that this guy is just too immature to be in an exclusive relationship! The last thing that you need at uni, is constant drama and arguing. Good luck OP!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 November 2019):
 I think (honestly) it's a bit of both.
I DO think you are controlling when you make demands that he HAS to block and never talk to a classmate (regardless of whether he USED to like her or she USED to like him).
IT is NOT your job to tell a partner WHO they can be friends with or talk to. It simply isn't. If you think by "making" him cut contact nothing BAD can happen (as in cheating, or crushing on) you are sorely mistaken. He DOES after all see her in every class they share.
All you do, is PUSH him away from you and closer to her. He might not do it as a conscience decision but just look at what happened.
Now onto HIS behavior.
He KEEPS lying to you, because he knows you are trying to trust him. And you don't want to come off as TOO overbearing. And... to avoid DRAMA with you.
However, he is either pretty dumb, dense or enjoying making you doubt him, not sure which.
To me it seems like the ONLY reason he hung out with her was to PUNISH you for not being available. Which is so petty and immature of him.
I think he (quite seriously) ENJOYS making you feel like YOU can be replaced any minute. That HE has OH SO MANY other options.
I both think you are overreacting a little but I also quite understand that HIS behavior is so inconsistent and NOT helping the situation that YOU do what you do. You hold on tighter.
Personally, this is how I feel. IF you don't feel you can trust him (and he doesn't exactly act trustworthy) and if you two constantly argue, then WHY keep dating him? He obviously IS NOT going cut contact with her, partly because he has classes with her and partly (I feel) because it keeps YOU on your toes.
His actions is actually what creates the drama, but YOU react to it which makes YOU seem unreasonable.
What's the point in you dating someone who goes OUT of his way to do these kind of things? (doesn't matter if he is really just "rebelling" against your "control" or if he is just being a selfish dick).
He knows THIS one girl is a sore spot for you, he made SURE you knew that SHE liked him at some point and that HE had liked her too. Why would he do that, other than to make you feel animosity towards her?
He sounds like a clown.
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