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Frank B Kermit
writes:Your Choices Today Become The Past You Have To Share TomorrowBy Frank Kermit, RelationshipsYoung adults tend to discount how the choices they make today will impact their futures tomorrow. At least, when it comes to relationships. The best example of this is the young adults who are swayed to enter into the world of the sex trade. These 18-23 year-olds are convinced that what they do today just to make enough money to get by will not be something that affects their futures. Sometimes it is people within the industries that try to convince potential porn stars and exotic dancers how no one will ever recognize their faces in the future. Sometimes it is the young adults themselves who rationalize that since they do not have any aspirations to form a public career that the chances of this being used against them are nil. However, that is simply not the case.Stories of former porn stars losing their jobs as high school teachers are real. When their past catches up with them in the hands of underage students who have passed around sex videos of the teacher through their phones, there is very little a teacher can do. Even when the former porn stars in question are ready to handle the ordeal of having every one of those students knowing such intimate images of the teacher, it may not matter. The school administration and sometimes the parents of the students as well, may demand that the teacher be fired anyway. Stories of former exotic dancers or escort service providers, running into past clients at boardroom meetings are real. Does it matter that a university student put themselves through school with sex trade work and independently earned that entry-level executive position? To some it may not matter at all. To others, it could matter a great deal, and enough so that it could be an obstacle on a personal career path.The best advice anyone can give to a young adult is to remind him or her that even if they have no interest in a career that could be affect by their choices today, or even if they do not plan to be parents, over the course of a lifetime, things can change very dramatically. No one can predict exactly how things are going to change and turn out. As a young adult, you may not really care about the consequences of your actions…but the older adult you become may feel differently about it. With all that said, I want to be fair and state that there actually are a number of sex trade workers that are more than happy doing what they are doing, do so proudly and are willing to admit it and accept the fact that this part of their lives will follow them forever. Those who have the best grasp of this are those that fully accept the consequences of their past (and possible present) career choices. That means that they acknowledge the good elements (the hours, the pay) and are forthright about the bad elements (bad clients, discrimination, possible unsafe working conditions). An insider on the porno industry once told me that many of the flight-by-night starlets that disappear after a handful of appearances end up living very normal quiet lives as married soccer moms. They also live with the fear that someone who knows them may find their obscure videos, recognize them, and threaten their new life with it. If you have a past that might threaten your future, the best things you can do about it is be honest with your future long-term partner and check out if they also can accept it, and handle the potential consequences.If you are getting into a serious relationship with someone, to the point where you are thinking about getting married, then you must consider putting your fiancé through the ultimate test before he or she becomes your spouse. Think of your deepest, darkest, most horrible thing that you did in your past that you make it a point not to tell anyone. If you think that sharing that experience would cause your fiancé not to marry you then you have a choice. Take the chance and tell them anyway knowing you might lose your relationship, or do not get married and end the relationship altogether. The truth about all our pasts has a funny way of surfacing, and at the worst possible times. At some point it is very likely that your future spouse is going to be made aware of elements from your past. The best thing you can do is prepare your spouse-to-be with whatever it is that someone might try to use against you and your family. It is better your future spouse hears it from you before it becomes an issue that could threaten your future children. Whether it is bullies in the schoolyard that taunt your kids with proof of your past, or extortionists who would seek to blackmail you by threatening to reveal your (a la David Letterman) scary secret, being honest with your soon-to-be spouse is the best way to build a foundation for a relationship that will withstand any outside force that attempts to destroy you.Frank Kermit is a relationship coach available for private coaching. He is a best selling author, educator, relationship columnist for The West End Times Newspaper and also appears regularly on the CJAD 800 AM radio program Passion.
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