A
female
age
41-50,
*ennaHB
writes:I have a guy friend, we are also work colleagues. I have been in love with him for over 6 months now. 3 months ago, due to the interest of one older male colleague, we had a fight. There were signs he was interested in dating me, but for several reasons he didn't say anything. One day he asked me if I was in love and I avoided answering directly. Asking him the same question resulted in him saying he has been with someone for the last 3 years, but he was not in love, he just didn't have anything better to do. Curious enough, this mysterious person never showed up at the birthday party he threw, nor at any event we as a group of friends went.Last week as we were talking, the topic came up and I said I was seeing someone. He then nervously asked if it was the older colleague I talked about earlier. Which I am not, but did not answer directly, I just said: when the time is right, you will meet him.So 3 days ago he calls me and tells me he feels really depressed, he has no reason to keep living, he feels very lonely, nothing in his life satisfies him. I gave him the advice I could, I hugged him. And then one weird thing happened: he thought I was about to kiss him (as we were hugging) - which I was not, as he was sad and crying and definitely not a good moment. He then says: I could never kiss you like that, it would be like kissing my mum. I was shocked.Because stuff like this goes on, then he makes a move on me, then he becomes jealous of my BF. It's difficult for me to understand what he wants.He is a Mexican guy in his 30s and, as he refers, has had problems giving love in his childhood due to his parents who left him almost entirely with the nanny. There are other more things behind that for sure.But I want to talk to him openly and say that, even if I am with someone else, I have been thinking about him (not say it directly, more like imply it). And ask why the need to confess his sadness to me. As a guy, what do you make of this situation?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 June 2014):
 Why, would it matter what he wants ?...
You are with someone else - would you act on your attraction / infatuation if the Mexican guy gave you green light ?... Would you cheat on your Bf and have a secret fling ? Or, maybe would you just dump your Bf on the base of an " I like you too " said by a guy who, for whatever reason of his, is still in a steady relationship ?...
NO? You would not ?.... Then you do no need to say anything, nor to know anything. If you are not willing to cheat / break up there and then, there's no point in any soul-baring.
I think what you hope to see happening, is that you tell him " I fancy you " he answers "hooray , likewise ! let's dump our partners and start dating ! " but I feel, from hesitant way he has operated so far, that this would not happen. Remember, he already imagines that you like him, because he thought you wanted to kiss him - and he turned you down.
So, he either just needs a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, or maybe he's testing the waters to see how much do you like him , how actually far you would go with him, and if he can get a little NSA something out of you.
But , if you want to stay committed to your partner, that's all idle speculation anyway, and you should not even CARE what this guy wants from you....
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