A
male
age
30-35,
*lexG101
writes:Hi my name is Alex, and I've been married for about 11 months. I married to my high school sweetheart. Im 20 yrs old and she is 21. we both have a beautiful 9 month old baby girl together. We have been in alot of fights and in the end we forgave each other. Im born from central america where the wives cook, clean, and stay with their husbands all the time. My mom did the same for my dad. My wife is from Philidelphia, and she is a black woman. We just moved into my friends house who I met from work, in a room big enough for all three of us. Lately she hangs around with my friends wife alot, and as for me, im left by myself everytime. I got into a fight with her about that. i feel that everytime we fight, Im starting to feel that im losing that love for when we first met. Today I got sick from work, a high fever and she didnt ask me that if I was ever hungry. Till now im still am. My friends wife asked her if she can watch the kids at the pool. I got mad at her that I was sick and that she is leaving to the pool while I just stay here. Then now she wants to go in the pool. Thats when I got mad at her that I was going to go to watch the kids with her but she was going in the pool to. I cant go in the pool because I have a really high fever and get be getting into hot cold constantly. I want her to stay with me alot because Im feeling that Im losing her. She said to me that I was controlling, and she asks me to have permission to go out. The reason I got mad at her that she is going in the pool is that I know there will be other men looking at her, checking her out, or try to flirt with her. I told her even though Im sick I was going to go to watch the kids with her. but till she said she is going in also I dont want to go anymore. I told her i will go if she watches the kids but i wont if she gets in the pool too. So she left to go to the pool and im here in the house. I fell like I had it already and all i want to do is leave her. But i cant because i love her more then life itself, but im tired. What can i do? How can i save our marriage?
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 Ok dude I'm going to be blunt here so forgive me. You are 20!!! you are an adult!!! you are old enough to look after yourself when you are sick!!! you don't need her to run around after you and be at your beck and call. Stop comparing your marriage with your parents. She did not grow up in your house so she has had a different set of values and rules to live by. You two need to sit down and camly and maturly work out a set of rules for YOUR marriage. You both will need to compromise and talk about things rationally. I agree with you that expecting you to look after children when you felt sick was wrong and that is another area you need to talk about. The key is don't get mad. Stay calm. Use I statements e.g I felt so unloved when you asked me to .... Don't say You this you that or you willget each other's backs up.
Also as for other men checking her out that is going to happen and there's nothing you can do about it and there's nothing she can do about it. She shouldn't have to hide in the house for fear someone will look at her and you will get cross. If someone looks at her you can feel smug that they can only look you're the lucky bastard that snared her.
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