A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Would you get upset or angry with your boyfriend if he was long distance and he was talking to you and forgot you were online having a conversation with him?He and I are in a long distance relationship for the time being. As you know, in long distance relationships, all you have is technology and the phone to rely on to communicate. Every morning we have a texting conversation followed by a couple of phone conversations later in the day. This morning he texted good morning as usual, sent me a few photos of the nature surrounding his house and I texted back after I woke up. He is usually up earlier than I am.I texted him good morning right after waking up and he came online right away. We use Whatsapp. He responded. I then responded to him. And that is when he just dropped out of the conversation suddenly. After a brief response. I did not expect that at all. Whatsapp showed him as online and the two checkmarks on the messages I sent went from grey to blue which means they were read or the app was left open in an active window on his phone. If he exited the app, the two checkmarks would remain grey. But he was not there and it showed him online. Eight minutes later even though he was not replying to me, he went offline on Whatsapp. It showed his last active time which means the app was now no longer open. And then 5 minutes later he responded to me. It is a real time conversation, not texting where you can go away and text at your convenience. He said he was sorry but he got sidetracked. He was talking to his mother about an upcoming trip she is planning and was helping her with arranging the flights. He said he texted me right away and then put the phone down to talk to his mom (as she was asking him some questions) but was planning to come back soon. But then got side tracked and started chopping up fruit for breakfast and he forgot I was there. He said he left Whatsapp open and just put the phone down. But what is odd is that Whatsapp was closed 5 minutes before he messaged me back. Does it time out after a certain time? So for 8 minutes he was online, for 5 minutes he was offline and then he contacted me again. Why wouldn't Whatsapp be online the whole time? He said his mind wanders and he has an attention deficit disorder. He has never been diagnosed. And that he just got side tracked.But I felt really upset and blew up at him because LONG DISTANCE is all we have right now. And I felt discarded and pushed aside. I mean, how could he forget that he was talking to his girlfriend? How could he get side tracked like that, forgetting I was there? It is much harder conducting a relationship without physical interactions and maybe your insecurities get the best of you? But he is not right in front of me and all I have is his word.Would you not get upset if your long distance partner was online with you, and got distracted by something else and forgot you were there? Would your mind not also race? I felt pretty unimportant in that moment, and to be honest, I still do. My self esteem has been impacted. He made me feel like I was not important to him. He said he told me the reason and apologized and that it is up to me whether I accept it or not. But I am STRUGGLING with this. I was really upset and I felt like I did not matter. I felt discarded. How could I not feel that way and how could I stop feeling that way now? Am I over sensitive? Do I expect too much? Am I clingy? What is wrong with ME? Anything? To expect not to be forgotten about by the man who says he LOVES me? It feels like I am losing my mind right now. I need some advice on how to handle it.My insecurities say he was contacted by someone more exciting who is local and closer to him while I am so far away. And he preferred to ditch me to talk to someone more exciting. Maybe even make plans to have fun with them while I am at home oblivious and panicked and without other prospects (BY CHOICE as I love him and am willing to make sacrifices for him). He forgot all about me. Then came back and told me I now have all his attention. I told him I thought I always had all his attention. It just makes you feel like SHIT to be tossed aside. That is how it felt. I have never once forgotten he was online with me or got sidetracked from our conversations. I always look forward to them and make sure I am fully available and fully engaged with him. The conversations are all we have. Could he not have messaged me quickly to say he is talking to his mom and will be back in a few minutes? Not to leave me hanging and hurting my feelings by being thoughtless? You need to be more accountable for your actions when it is long distance. I am not there to see what is happening. He left me hanging which triggered my anxiety.I will need help from you fine people. Please. I am on the verge of collapse. I really love him but does it seem to you that he is equally committed to me? I feel like he might not love me as much as he claims. And I am in a state of utter despair at the moment. Please help.
View related questions:
engaged, long distance, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 April 2021):
 It's called LIFe. OP
Yes, I can easily see him (or you) being sidetracked because something else requires their attention. You were having a CHAT with him, nothing important, life-threatening, or a topic with an expiration date (such as booking a ticket or whatnot) it was just social CHATTER.
Could he not have texted you that he was going to talk to his mom, sure - but you are a WHOLE grown-ass woman who ought to understand that LIFE happens. You are not the center of the universe.
And he DID tell you, though later.
People get side-tracked. It's nothing new. It's called having a life.
If he another time you have chatting stops responding GET on with YOUR life. Do things that need to be done, you don't need to sit on pins and needles or be at his beck and call. And HE doesn't need to be on yours.
It is annoying if you think you were going to have a conversation and he just goes off and leave you on "read" - sure but it's not the end of the world.
I think you are being dramatic.
The fact that he apologized for it, means that he actually realized what he did and felt bad.
If you can't handle this, are you really ready to be in a relationship? Let alone a LDR? LDR's are hard enough as it is
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2021): "He said he was sorry but he got sidetracked."
You are overreacting and overthinking all of this. He gave a very clear and understandable explanation. Your response and reaction would be more expected of a sulking teenage-girl; than a sensible sophisticated-woman in her 30's. Take an extra-strength chill-pill!
My dear, I'm being very frank; not mean to you! Think about it. He was online with his "mother!" I'd drop everything, if my mom needed me. It was very early in the morning; and sometimes all your faculties aren't at their sharpest, or in full-function. It's almost hilarious looking at the half-conscious dreamy-eyed confused faces on ZOOM at morning meetings. Everyone pretending to be awake and fully-attentive!
Give him a break! I think you owe him an apology. He apologized for what he did. Now apologize for carrying-on so childishly. He'll start to have second-thoughts about you; if you come across as childish, unreasonable, or high-maintenance. If you can't handle an LDR relationship and the drawbacks that come with it; best you end it...or he might beat you to it!!!
"I feel like he might not love me as much as he claims. And I am in a state of utter despair at the moment."
Oh, girlfriend...don't be such a drama queen!
Seriously?!!
...............................
|
