A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:a man and a woman are otherwise commited to other people, they flirt with each other on a regular basis for three years. There is no touching however, and the flirting is largely acting nervous like school kids around each other. smiling like idiots, prolonged eye contact, winking, compliments etc. The two people only see each other once maybe a week or every other week. Is this cheating on their respective partners? Neither of them has any intention to do anything further. If your answer is yes, please explain your reasoning. Try to be objective as possible.
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): OP here,
I'm answer to your question "have you considered why you act this way around each other?" Not really, but now I think about it, I guess it is just nervousness in response to being insanely attracted to someone. It's not a voluntary thing.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 July 2018):
 So you are aware OP that if you did this in front of your partner it would hurt her feelings?
And if you did it in front of your partner she would probably feel even MORE insecure about you and the relationship?
Treat others as you would like to be treated by them.
You would be totally OK with your partner having this kind of office flirt going on for years with another man?
And yeah, I do agree with anon:
"FYI, nobody ever intends to start an affair. "
I can easily see more happening at some company Christmas party or outing...
Have you considered WHY you two act the way you do around each other?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): I would not call flirting in itself cheating, but it definitely is a step toward that end. It is disrespectful to do when you have a current partner, because flirting with someone basically gives the message that you would be available sexually to that person. It is the human version of a bird-of-paradise mating dance.
Since you say that is not the case, and neither of you are available to each other, why do that? Why would you disrespect your current partners like that behind their backs?
If in doubt, go with the old ethics test. If you do not want what you are doing written up on the front page of the local news for all to see, then don't do it.
R
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): It is emotional cheating and if left unchecked and it continues, it could very easily cross the line into physical cheating. FYI, nobody ever intends to start an affair. But they all begin with "innocent" flirting that one day goes way too far. There is no such thing as innocent flirting where there is attraction. Cease and desist RIGHT NOW. You're still in time.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2018): OP here.
I wouldn't do this in front of my partner because she is insecure anyway.
We (thiS girl at work and I) don't really banter because we're both kind of shy around each other- she gets very nervous and tends to look down and up threw her fringe at me. It's not really conscious flirting- it used to be (I.e. I called her beautiful and gorgeous before) but we've both become very shy around each other
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 July 2018):
I agree with YCBS,
Do you do these things in front of your partner?
If not, why?
Would you be OK with your PARTNER doing these things with another man?
If not, why?
While I am all for banter and a bit of fun with people who is NOT your partner, there are some lines I don't feel you should cross (you as in "general you").
Prolonged flirting like you mention is crossing a line of it being "just fun" and into a little bit of taboo, something naughty and it IS you and this woman INVESTING in each other emotionally. If there was no attraction or interest... you wouldn't be playing these games. It's a bit of fun you essentially DO with someone who isn't your partner and that you PROBABLY is not doing with the one you SHOULD be doing that with - AKA your partner.
With that said, none of us go "blind" and stop noticing or interacting with other people we find attractive. Hence why I think banter with someone other than one's partner can be fun. You just have to understand where the line is drawn.
FOR me, that is line is drawn at WHAT would I NOT do in front of my partner. And what would I NOT be OK with my partner doing.
And perhaps it also comes down to WHO is that person?
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (24 July 2018):
 Have you and this lady told your partners about this "harmless" flirting? If not, then why not? After all, neither of you have any intention of doing anything about it (allegedly) so why the secrecy?
And how would you feel if YOUR partner was doing the same with someone? Would you be comfortable with it?
Answer those questions and you will answer the one you are asking.
...............................
|
