A
female
age
22-25,
daisyb212
writes:my partner is in an awkward position. We live together and are totally in love, been together 18 months. His 9 yr old daughter came to live with us in september. briefly she is a great kid mostly. can be nice and fun and she's clever and i like her alot. Her dad is 32 im 25. me and the daughter argue quite alot. I do alot for her, maybe more than either parent. Buy what she needs, take her out, organise swimming lessons, sleep overs, school clubs etc. I really want to be involved with her as we are trying to establish a kind of family. Partner and I buying a place together, talking of marriage and starting a family in a few years when we are finacially better off then we are now. when its just me and her everything is cool and we get on well, but I gave a feeling its all false. I can be tough sometimes and say 'no' more than her dad to things but do so much more good at the same time, but yeah we argue, i dont know if its my fault or whatever but she tries to push me out alot. treats me like one of her school friends, has no respect for me. I know i need to earn it but feel ive tried. I praise the good n pick her up on the bad. She phones her mum and says how horrible i am (when shes with her mum she phones her dad and says how horrible her mum and step dad are to her too though) she can be difficult, demanding, rude, argumentative, cheeky and god help us the second things are not going her way or things are 'unfair'. I'm just so worried my partner is going to have enough of the arguing and think its better if I leave. He has never said that but he's busy, got a lot on his plate, feels he cant take sides (one of the reasons I feel she has no respect for me is cause he never supports me in front of her) I understand him not wanting to take sides you know so its hard. Very hard for him, and I feel that. Should I just be proactive and leave them to it? It would devstate me, Ive had 3 previous long term relationships so I know he is the one and our relationship is great, but will it survive this? how do i make it better for him? hate seeing him in the middle all the time. Considering we live together it would be hard for me to take a complete back seat with the child. Ive tried stepping back, and leaving the disciplining to my man which is fine, but it doesn't change her reactions to me. she thinks everything, all the arguing is my fault, ye maybe sometimes I make it worse when i dont put up with it, i could just leave it, and if it was just her and her dad it would be much better. Probably would be. what to do? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): oh and to add to my comment...you should talk to your boyfriend about it and tell him your feelings and ask him what you can do and have him talk to his daughter about it. maybe that will help.
i used to feel the same way about my dads wife....that everything would be better if she wasnt there. and if he was busy and didnt want to play with me that it was her fault and when everything was different it was her fault. but eventually i talked to him about it and just got over it and now we get along.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): you should never try to be more than her friend. you're not her mom and obviously she knows that. shes not going to respect someone who is trying to take the place of her mom. i know from experience and felt that way when my dad got married.
...............................
|
