| A
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: i know that this may sound wrong okay but here goes.i am 16 he is 27 we are in love okay and i no that may sound naive but we have been in a strong relationship for about 8 months i am almost 17.well we have a lot of respect for each other and he hasn't asked for sex yet. but .. well my question is basically.would society think this is wrong?what would you think if you saw a couple walking down the street looking like this ?i am not bothered but i know that there will always be people in society who think this is wrong but if you are in love you can't help who you fall in love with Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): I read somewhere that biologically speaking, for reproduction, the best age combination is a 20 year old woman and a 13 year old man. So that would mean a 7 year difference with the man being younger. Who knows if this is true or not as people reproduce at all ages. It is also better for a woman to be with a younger man for her life partner since men die younger.
Emotionally speaking for most people, a 17 year old is not mature enough for a relationship with a 27 year old and most 27 year olds, whatever their sex, would feel someone that age is too young for them.
Individuals vary greatly and no one can say that it won't work or that it will. I would be careful and take things very slowly so you don't get your heart broken and feel regret in the end.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): Yes, this is wrong.
When I was 17 I dated a 24 year old, and it was very awkward. He kept saying I was so mature for my age, blah blah, but deep down I had a feeling something was wrong. He has few friends due to the fact he has trouble maintaining relationships (including friendships). Really, it's weird when a man who graduated college goes to your HS volleyball game.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 He doesn't want sex from you? That's a laugh. Why else would he be with a 16-year old who's probably inexperienced to the whole thing and therefore will be much more easily convinced. This guy is 27-years old. You think he loves you? He's either very mental, very socially inept, or a very skilled player who knows what he's doing. I have a problem with a 20-year old dating a 16-year old. Mainly because at 16, you've barely experienced relationships in general, let alone an "adult" relationship. You're still a child. Yes, a CHILD. Hell, I've only got five years on you and I still feel like one. At 16, you're nothing like who you will be at 18. At 18, you're nothing like you will be at 21. At 21, you're nothing like who you'd be at 25, and so on. This guy is 27, and I'm sure he's still got a lot of growing up to do if he thinks he is happy and content with someone who's not even experienced enough to have lived on her own. I hope you think this through and come to the decision to end this. YES, society will judge you, but mostly him. So be prepared...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): "Chigirl" pin points some very valid points, about what society in general may think, now although I'm one who doesn't take too much notice of what others think, as I tend to follow my own instincts and allow life's experiences to guide me.
However, society draws upon these stereotypical viewpoints because they DO have a lot of founded reasons that someone with such a age gap at your age, the vast differences in experience with the older person (in this case your boyfriend) as Chigirl says, people will wonder what you and him have in common - NO not interests, what you like doing, which is important, but at 17, regardless how mature you seem, cannot be as mature or experienced in life and living
as someone this man's own age. Perhaps for him, that is the attraction, or perhaps he is not very worldly, not dated at all or very little. The fact is if this was the other way around, most females would be quite surprised at the question, as most women at 27 would not want to date a 17 year old boy. The gap is far too wide long-term at this age.
The gaps narrow as you go through the decades due to experiencing more in life, therefore having more in common. A 37 year old man, and 26 year old girl, would probably not cause too much of a stir if you were walking down the street, and yes people do judge. It's how humans are, even if they say they don't.
You will go through some major changes from now until around 30, you will change your mind as to what you like, what you want to do, which is one of the reasons people advise against marriages so young, because we are not fully matured in so many ways. The older you are, the more likely you are to have less major changes and be more stable with partners we choose.
As said, the average age difference that works best, is about 5 years, with the man being older usually, but these figures are for when most long-term pairing takes place, after 25 - females it's around 27 and for men around 33.
You have so much living to do yet, so much to achieve for you, in your own right, and although you may be in love with him now, and yes it may last, but statistics show, the odds are stacked against you, for the reasons stated, sorry, reality is never rosy.
Jilly
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 You wont like my answer, it's not pretty. But I will be honest with you, fully aware that I can be judgmental. I wouldn't tell a person this to their face, but this is what I'd think to myself.
It's just that it's so typical of a grown man to date a young girl. You most never see a 27 year old woman and a 16 year old boy. And you got to ask yourself: why? The reason I wouldn't date a 16 year old boy is that he will be extremely more immature. I wont even date a man under 25.
I don't know, are teenage girls that more mature, and grown men that immature? Because that is the only way I could see that combination going well. No offense, really, but thats how my logic works. And so most will look down upon such relationships because we figure either the older person is taking advantage of the younger, or the older is extremely immature, or hopeless and can't find a person his own age for some reason. Thats why many look down upon such relationships.
Yes, we judge without knowing the people in person. But it is in general seen as something not normal. However I fully acknowledge that there are some people who genuinely are a good match DESPITE their age difference. Age isn't that important in the big picture, and ideally age shouldn't be important at all. But thats just the ideal. The realistic version is that when there's an age difference of 10-15 years and up people start to talk. When it's a person who is considered adult who is dating a person who is not yet considered an adult, the age difference is looked down upon even more.
So quite brutally here's what I'd think if I saw a 16 year old girl with a 27 year old man: that man must be a looser since he can't find a woman his own age, and the girl is only dating him because he can buy her things.
...............................
A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 In a few years the age gap will be barely noticeable. You sound like you love and respect each other and seeing as though you are above the age of consent then I don't think anyone would look down on this relationship. If they do just hold your heads high and rise above their ignorance!
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (23 December 2010):
 As the others have said, your relationship is legal. Some people frown upon age-gap relationships and make jokes about cradle-snatching, sugar daddies and cougar chasing. Jokes aside, age-gap relationships can work (I am in one). However, it really depends not so much on the size of the age-gap but the respective ages of the people involved. I think some people would question what a 27 year old man saw of interest in a teenage girl. At his age then he should have a wealth of personal and professional experience. Some older men date very much younger girls because they struggle to find someone their own age to have a relationship with. It is easier to disguise personality shortcomings and to impress a younger person. You say you are not bothered about the impressions of others, yet you post on this website. I think it is up to you to be comfortable with your relationship. If you are truly happy and content then it doesn't matter what others say. There are always gossips on every street corner with too much time on their hands. If you are resilient as a couple then you can overcome pretty much anything.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): I wouldn't worry about it. And if you do just don't show too much affection in public becaus then people may assume your mates or something.
I know someone who went out with a 47 year old at 18 and I just think it's her choice.
It's easy for people to judge from the outside but that cos they don't know what's going on inside.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): "What do you want to be when you grow up?"That well-meaning question posed by polite adults wanting to engage children in conversation is generally asked of little boys and little girls without distinction. One answer, given by a shrinking number of little girls, is shocking and controversial in today's culture:This spring we are graduating our fourth homeschooled student and oldest daughter, Anna. Though we tease her about her blondeness (she once told me she was going to rule her children with an "iron thumb," among many other "Annerisms"), she is an intelligent young woman with a special love for history, theology, and cooking. When she graduates, she will continue pursuing studies in those areas, but not on a college campus. Our daughter will not be attending college.This is not a unilateral (by parental edict) decision, though she has been taught from her babyhood that marriage and motherhood are noble callings. Anna truly desires to be a "wife and mommy," and wise young woman that she is, she intends to prepare for those jobs with the singlemindedness that any serious student would give to training for an important profession.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): Honestly, I know dozens of people who are married and have an age difference of greater then 10 years. The average age difference is 5 years, for the people who are not marrying there high school sweet heart or University lover. Honestly its not wrong, its just he has the upper hand in your relationship right now and most people will ask you "Are you sure you want to be dating this older guy?". You as a person are just forming into who you are, and he as a person already know's who he is and what he wants. Some guys can manipulate women, and change what you think so you are not a free thinker. Personally I want a free thinking women, nothing is sexier :PJust be careful.
...............................
A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (23 December 2010):
no no please by all means if you love this man its fine :)
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 December 2010):
 Well legally there is nothing wrong with it - you are over the age of 16 so legally your relationship is fine.
Personally, if I saw a 27 year old man with a 16 year old I would wonder what is wrong with him. I would think he has some issues if he would want to date a school girl when he is a grown man.
To put it quite simply (and sorry if this is a little harsh but hear me out) - adult men who are mature and fully together in the head would never date a school girl, simply because they could not deal with her immaturity, her friends and her interests. So the fact that a 27 year old man can fall in love with you suggests that he has some mental problems and it concerns me, especially when it comes to your safety.
My personal opinion is that he is using you or grooming you - him not asking you for sex will just be his way of buying some time, lulling you into a false sense of security so you trust him. He is 27, he should be wanting to get married, settle down, he should have a job, a mortgage etc. He should not be hanging around with girls who are only just old enough to not be classed as children!
If you were say 23 dating a 33/34 year old then it would not be such a big deal, but when you are still so young it is wrong that he would want to be with you.
Now if you are happy and he treats you well then I am sure you are not going to listen to what I have said. But just be careful, dont let yourself get swept up in the whole 'older man' thing and keep your wits about you. There simply is something not quite right with this man if he thinks it is ok to be in a relationship with you, so just be careful around him.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): is it legal for u to have sex yet at a consent age? society will always be a downer no matter what you do. I am in a relationship with a guy who is 8 years older but we are happy and no one says anything. perhaps if u were 18 or 19 it wouldnt be such a big deal. people think that your not mature yet and that he may be a sex offender or a paeodophile so be careful who sees you too together cause nasty rumours can go about and wreak havock on your relationship. Don't have sex with him till marriage cause if you truly mean anything to him he cant wait a bit longer for sex. :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): You are of legal age in the UK i believe so that isn't an issue. With regards to society, i think most people would find it a little innapropriate being you are so young.
It does concern me that a man who is nearly in his 30's is going after a girl who is barely legal but that is just my view. If you are both happy then fair enough but i am personaly very uncomfortable with the idea.
...............................
A
female
reader, _nataliebeebaybee1 +, writes (23 December 2010):
 right , my views on the situation arnt actually that bad afterall love is love you cant reverse it, you cant just finish it but there are a few things you want to consider.
he is alot older than you, when you fall in love with someone the other person may want things that you may ot be ready for like :
- marriage
-Children
-Moving in together etc
this may cause you to want to please your partner even though you may not want any of these things. you might find that things seem to go alot more quickly than you ever thought you could imagine and if your thinking about spending the rest of your life with this person that is most certainly going to end up being the case. Your still young, have fun nothing should be so serious.
People will accept it, and if you love him that much why should you care. Even if people do look at you funny its your life not theres. so what !?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): I can't speak for society, but I am pretty sure which side of the fence the criminal justice system will take.
I think they will strongly disapprove.
...............................
|
