A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship of about 5 months, we were together previously. I have a friend who I haven't physically seen, just messaged since I reentered my relationship. My friend did admit he had feelings for me previously when i was single, but i wasn't interested, he understood and we have stayed friends. He has asked if I want to go see a local gig with him and a friend of his tomorrow night. I wanna go, it'd be fun to get out and to see a friend, maybe make some new ones. I said I'd need to ask my boyfriend... I know already he won't approve as he doesn't even like me speaking to my friend, mainly because he knows he had feelings for me. My friend says to bring him with me, but I know he probably wouldn't go, let alone be polite in his company. What should I do? I don't wanna cause problems in my relationship but I don't have a lot of friends and I don't wanna isolate myself. I know if it was a girl who had asked it wouldn't have been a problem, but my close friends are male and this has always been a sore point with my boyfriend. What can i do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 July 2014):
 Personally I think that if you go to your boyfriend before the event and say "Bob wants to go to the concert and he wants US to go with him and his friend" then boyfriend can say "I don't want to go" and you say "ok I'll go with Bob and the gang without you" then boyfriend says "have fun honey let me know when you get home so I know you are safe"
that's how it should go.
more than likely what will happen is
"bob wants us to go to the concert with him"
"I don't want to go and I don't want YOU seeing him"
"oh darling, I'm sorry you feel that way but you do not have the right to tell me who I can and cannot be friends with"
"but I'm insecure and jealous and don't trust you"
"yes I realize your feelings are difficult to accept but they are YOUR feelings and not what's really going on. Since Bob is a friend of mine, and I invited you and you do not want to go, I am going to go. I will call you when I get home to let you know I am safe."
if he blows a fit... that's the start of the second end of this relationship... HE has no right to say who you can and cannot be friends with.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 July 2014):
 If you broke up with your boyfriend before and just made up, there's going to be trust issues. Now it should be a time making your boyfriend priority if you want it to work. I am never a fan of on and off relationships. While I believe friends of the opposite sex is possible and healthy, your boyfriend doesn't think it's a good idea. If your boyfriend has no interests meeting friends that's because the friend had romantic interests in you and they will just see each other as rivals. Maybe try making friends with coupled people so there won't be any feelings of missing out. Do double dating. I do think that isolation is an epidemic in society but I accepted it long time ago. Casual friendships are not satisfying and the ones that do, is because the guys have ulterior motives.
...............................
|
