A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi people, just a quick question, my partner just revealled he had unprotected sex with a few women before he met me 3 yrs ago. I asked if hes clean but he just said i think so. Everything seems to be ok with him downstairs but i just wondered if i should ask him to go and get tested for std's? Please help as i don't want to overstep the line.
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female
reader, raiders  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 You two should get tested together, you are right in wanting an STD test, just remember treat every relationship like this one even if they don't tell you they had unprotected sex you will be safer if you just assumed they did.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Not at all - you should definitely ask him to get one, just be careful how you word it!
My general rule with sex is that we have sex using condoms (when with a new partner) until we have both been tested for STD's and the results have come back and we are both clean. Then we can have sex without condoms and just using birth control.
So I suggest you adopt a similar approach, just tell him that you would like to have sex with him but as a rule you dont sleep with anyone before you have BOTH had a STD check (make it clear that you are having one too, it is not just him!).
You are only putting your health first here so it is the right thing to do, STD's are very serious and shouldnt be taken lightly so you are well within your rights to make sure he gets tested before he sleeps with you. He might be a little surprised or a tiny bit annoyed/upset, but if you are both having one he cannot be offended by it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 July 2010):
You certainly could. Perhaps the best way would be for you to get tested as well, as a show of faith. I don't think it's overstepping the mark, especially since he has had unprotected sex.
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A
female
reader, IceFaerie  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Hi.
No,I don't think you're overstepping the line by asking this.If you're going to have sex with somebody,you want to make sure they're healthy.
If he responds negatively to your request,ask him how he'd feel if it was the other way around.
Good luck!
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