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Would it be a bad idea to text him? There was no formal goodbye to our relationship

Tagged as: Breaking up, Crushes, Dating, Friends, Online dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 March 2016) 11 Answers - (Newest, 18 March 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I dated someone for a month, which ended two months ago. There was no formal goodbye.

The communication just faded on his end. I never reached out again but I find myself thinking about him all the time. I was very attracted to him physically and personality and would like to reach out to him again.

I don't know if he'd be interested romantically and I'm prepared for any kind of feedback from him, if at all. I know he's still single because his dating site profile is still active.

Is it a bad idea to text him asking how he's been? Or did his pulling away the first time already express his disinterest?

I've never "gone back" to anyone and unsure if it's wise.

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (18 March 2016):

If you contact him, you will get confirmation of what you already know - he is not interested.

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A female reader, miss frank United Kingdom +, writes (18 March 2016):

Hi. Do you know what, just do it! Why not! It likely won't get a response so be warned of that...if you can accept that he has every right not to text back and your intention is to just send one text to see (no more than one! Gives him opportunity without you looking desperate!) then you know you'll have no regrets...just one test text though and no more after!!

Something like 'hey! Hows life treating you fella? Hope all is good!?? '

Keeps it light and if you don't hear anything its defo because he wont want any type of further contact

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (18 March 2016):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI totally agree with the other aunts that there is nothing there to look for.

Let it go. IF a guy is interested in a woman he knows is responsive to him (as you were to him) he will continue to contact her.

He's gone. He was rude to not say goodbye or let you know it wasn't working for him (which is NO reflection on YOU at all btw) but that's common now (does not mean it's not rude or frustrating).

No contact = no interest.

delete his info so you are not tempted....

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (18 March 2016):

Honeygirl agony auntHonestly, why bother to waste your time?

After 1 month's relationship things just faded away. I have no doubt he has moved on and probably forgotten all about you.

Stop giving this issue space in your head. Go out and enjoy yourself.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntHe ghosted you. After a month of dating it's no longer the "norm" to do a "formal" break up. There is no need for "closure" or a "goodbye".

Someone who just stops contact after ONE month of dating - wasn't interested enough to keep at it. And to say goodbye 2 months AFTER the break up, seems pointless to me. Specially after 2 months of silence. What really is there to say?

I'd just block his number and then delete it as there is NO reason to keep it.

What exactly do you think you will achieve by sending a "goodbye text"? Other than coming off as a bit desperate.

You don't owe him squat, not even a good luck.

Let it go.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (18 March 2016):

Ciar agony auntIf moving on doesn't spell 'disinterested' I don't know what does.

He hasn't spoken to you for two months and his dating profile is still active. Reaching out to him just looks desperate.

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A male reader, Sam Wilson United States +, writes (18 March 2016):

Sam Wilson agony auntIn my opinion, you're feeling that way you are now because there's no official closure between you two leaving both feelings a bit ambiguous.

Its not all that bad to contact him to see how things have been going, but the thing is during your short time together he may think what you two had was nothing special.

There are reasons on why the communication faded, and I think thw ambiguity of this scenario gives you a little something to hold on.

I think you should do what's best for you and move on, but if you really cherish what you had together I dont see anything wrong with texting him, say things are okay, and ask him for feedback ( what went wrong etc). I did it before but Im a guy so I dont really know if its okay for girls.

If you do decide to do it :

Be careful, Watch what you say and Good luck.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (18 March 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntI wouldn't.

He's already shown that he's not interested because if he was, the conversation wouldnt have faded at his end and he would have made an attempt to revive it if he wanted. He didnt and that's indication enough of his disinterest.

Why waste your time? There are plenty of other men out there.

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A female reader, Cupid C.A Uganda +, writes (18 March 2016):

I've just been facing an almost similar situation. I wanted to text him so badly but again I didnt. And I did ... Well there was a lot to catch up on and we just rekindled the old flame.. You probably should and see how it goes. If it doesn't go your way its because there is someone better on the way, you win either way

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2016):

I'm the poster and wanted to clarify. I don't want to text him goodbye. I actually want to test the waters and see if we can have a convo and maybe even hang out again. Basically I would like to date him again but unsure if it's a bad idea to chat again with someone who faded communication with me.

Thank you

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A female reader, Anonny United Kingdom +, writes (18 March 2016):

There would be no harm in texting him a 'Goodbye', it's good manners if nothing else.

You are obviously still thinking of him & a month afterwards isn't too long to wait to say it properly. The only thing is, if you only dated for a month, he probably won't be interested in getting a goodbye, especially if things are over - unless you both knew each other a little longer.

There is no harm in contacting him again at this stage - but from the sounds of it - he doesn't sound too keen on rekindling anything if he has already pulled away.

Good luck!

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