A
female
age
26-29,
*umpupshoutout
writes:there is a guy who i have been going out with for 3 weeks he dosent know about my son and im scared to tell him in case he dosent accept me and my son are a deal he has me he accepts my son to its starting to worry me so i try not bring up my son in conversation in case he dosent accept it.. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): Im sorry that the guy didn't work out. But you can feel good about yourself that you didn't hide your son for a guy. You did the respectable thing. You will meet a guy who accepts you for who you are, and the life you have. Until then just be true to yourself and your child. Things will work in time. It doesn't make him a bad guy either. At least he didn't string you along.
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female
reader, terrifenby +, writes (15 April 2010):
 If you really like this guy dont keep him in the dark. You have to be honest with him. I understand why you havent told him yet i can see that you would be wary. But is it not better to see how he going to react now rather then getting attached to him and then been let down?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Good now you can spend all your spare time, (when you aren't working part time, going to school part time) on your son. I read your other post.
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female
reader, jumpupshoutout +, writes (15 April 2010):
jumpupshoutout is verified as being by the original poster of the question i have now told him i have a son and he hasent spoke since
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female
reader, samantha1989 +, writes (12 April 2010):
hi is it serious between u n this guy if not try and take a step back try and get to know him a bit better as FRIEND'S play it cool for a week or so.. but during bring your son up in a convorsation if he simply dose one theres your answer. but if i sticks around for a bit then you know hes cool with it BUT and i mean but plz dont do the the running let him come to you that way he can reflect on things in his own time time will tell just dont expect to much too fast
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): So, this guy is more important to you than your son? Your baby should be your pride and joy, mo matter what age you are. And you are more bothered about what some future boyfriend might think about your son than telling this guy about the most important and biggest responsibility of your life?
That is really sad. And how, at your age, do you have time for a baby, school AND a boyfriend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): Your son deserves better. NEVER be ashamed of your child! If this guy wouldnt love you because you have a kid, then this guy is not the guy for you. That should be #1 dating criteria. It doesn't mean that you are looking for a baby daddy, but that boy is a HUGE part of you. Any guy that wants you must accept your son too.
You are also going to have to accept that guys your age are probably not interested in that much responsibility for a relationship. I commend you for being so young and taking care of a baby. You may have to put dating on the back burner for a while.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): You have to understand that having a child at your age was the choice you made, so you also had to accept and understand the consequences of it and the bigger picture.
Rarely boys of this day and age will accept that you have a son because they're so young, immature and they don't want that sort of resposabilty to be looking after a child, especially if it's not there's. This is why however, girls who have children at your age normaly go for men a little older because they're more matture and will respect you for who you are AND your son. So I would say your best bet will be to find someone a little older to accept this. This is why also, girls or women usually stay with the father of the child no matter how bad they treat them or even if they have no feelings for them, but they are the child's father so they know they're the only man (normaly) who will treat your son the best.
I can't say how this guy is going to react when you tell him because I don't know who he is, hence I don't know how he will handle it. If I was you and it was me personally, I would wait a little longer and get to know this boy and let him get to know you. Once he's got to know you and appreciates and respects you, he will then respect your child. I can't say this is 100% though but good luck! and I hope he does accept that you have a son.
All the best.
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reader, justme322 +, writes (12 April 2010):
advice... stop looking for boys and start doing you school work, you do want a great future for your son, ya? well work for it =X only advice I can truly give.
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reader, Trans Am Man +, writes (11 April 2010):
 If he likes you for who you are he won't care. End of Story
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reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 April 2010):
 You have a responsibility now, as you are a Mother, and like it or not, your son will be part of your life for the rest of yours.
Sadly, this may mean that there will be men who do not want to get involved with you because of your son.
But this is the choice you made, when you had a baby at such a young age.
Because you are so young this may be an important factor when finding new boyfriends. If you are 13-15, then you are going to struggle to find a boy who wants to take on the responsibility of another mans child. Most boys your age would find coping with the idea of their own child difficult enough, let alone trying to get their head around someone elses. You will also have to contend with their parents as well, who may see a teenage mother as unsuitable dating material. I know this is harsh, but it is better to know all the possible outcomes, rather than pretend that everything will be rainbows and sunshine. It will not. Having a baby changes your life completely, and this is where you will begin to see how much.
A lot of guys will probably be scared off by your son, it may not be right, but they are still kids themselves, and babies scare the hell out of them. It doesnt get easier as they get older either!
But ultimately you are going to have to be honest with all your future partners. It would be very unfair to let a guy get involved with you, thinking you were just another teenage girl, and then breaking the news much later on, when they have become emotionally involved with you. That is just not fair. You need to give him the choice to either accept you and your son as a package, or if he cannot do that, to walk away. But you have to give him the choice. You cannot force someone to do something they do not want.
I also hope you have learnt not to have unprotected sex, and will be more careful in the future. Guys may be able to accept one child, but multiple babies at such a young age will only make your life even more difficult.
I wish you luck, and I do hope your boyfriend understands.
Tiger
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reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 April 2010):
Well your son is a part of you and someone will have to either accept it or not. Obviously, if they cannot acccept it, then you cannot accept them either.
However, being that you're 13-15 and already have a child...I think your primary focus should be your schoolwork and taking care of your son, not other boys. You have A LOT of time for that, and when you're older guys will be much more accepting. I would expect a teenager to not really be okay having a girlfriend that already has a child, that's a lot to take in so young.
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reader, Lucky786 +, writes (11 April 2010):
 You have to tell him. It's unfair of you not to. Are you that desperate for this guy's affections that you've never mentioned your son before? If this guy reacts badly then he's not the guy for you but that is a risk you will have to take. Imagine if it was the other way round and he had a son that he didn't tell you about until x weeks/months into a relationship.
it's unfair on your son and this guy to keep this secret.
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reader, jumpupshoutout +, writes (11 April 2010):
jumpupshoutout is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim not saying my son was a mistake but i was having unprotected sex at 12
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reader, EmilyBee  +, writes (11 April 2010):
 Hi, firstly, your son is part of your life. If your boyfriend doesnt accept it, then that boyfriend is not worth having hunny. You son should come first... When you are ready to tell your boyfriend and he doesnt accept it, simply move on.
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