A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Would appreciate views on potential parents in law.. my boyfriend and I are pretty serious (we are now thinking of living together) and I love him very much. However I have very big concerns about his father. His parents had children young and are now divorced (and do not speak). His Dad will often make immature and lewd comments about women on the TV (he is 51) and makes remarks, in front of me, regarding whether there are any nice women my boyfriend works with (in a kind of divisive way). My boyfriend thinks he is just winding me up but I think its just rudeness. This man works as little as possible, is lazy and he drains my boyfriend emotionally and seems to bully my boyfriend in his behaviour. I have spoken to my boyfriend about this and whilst he agrees he does not see why I'm so bothered. My worry is that I cannot imagine him as my father in law because I just cannot relate to him and I find his behaviour offensive and, worse still, I think he would be a poor grandparent to my child. This is a real hurdle for me. I know the world is not perfect but I have seen relationships ruined because of these issues. Any advice on how to approach all this would be much appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 June 2007):
 If you love your boyfriend then you have to accept he comes with a package of relatives that may not be to your liking. The reality is that if you don't wish to see this man regularly then you don't have to...if your BF wants to see him let him go there on his own. In the past I dumped a long-term BF for lots of reasons including his dragon lady of a mother. However, had I really been committed to him then perhaps I would have suffered her occasional visit (insufferable woman!!!). For example, I like my husbands parents now but I would rather pull my teeth out with a pliers than be locked in a lift with his miserable sister for more than ten minutes. I am sure he doesn't adore my family too much either but marriages and long-term relationships are full of compromises. YOu have to decide if your man is worth suffering his relatives for.
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