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Worried about future involvement

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 April 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 21 April 2017)
A male Ireland age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I am an extremely emotional person. I had ended my first and only romantic relationship four years ago. There have been quite a few women who have shown interest since then but I wasn't ready for it again. I now find myself finally into a nice lady but I'm having a hard time making up my mind about her. I know for a fact that at some point she was also interested in me; but she had told me that she suffers from panic attacks. She is outgoing but I get the feeling she enjoys male attention a bit too much and sometimes uses men to feel good about herself. I haven't taken to flirting or blatantly pursuing her. I've held my ground so far. I just do enough to let her know that I care deeply about her; enquiring about her day, whether she's been having her meals regularly and the like. Sometimes her behaviour is such that she wants to be pursued and flirted with like she is used to from other guys. Should I feed her ego and go after her? It just continue being nice? What's best to deal with someone who has anxiety and panic attacks?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (21 April 2017):

It's always best to tread carefully when dealing with people suffering such conditions as anxiety and panic-attacks.

Sometimes they are too fragile for intense relationships; although everyone gets lonely and deserves romance. That doesn't mean they should be totally avoided or dismissed due to their emotional disorders; but care must be taken to determine how serious her issues are, and if she's ready to deal with a person who can be highly emotional. I will take that to mean you are "very sensitive."

If you're temperamental, no dice! Bad match!!!

You know yourself, and what you are capable of dealing with.

You describe yourself as an extremely emotional person. That might collide with someone who suffers panic-attacks and may be searching for someone stronger/lay-back to lean on. They can often become very emotionally-dependent and easily agitated. If you are prone to mood-swings, outbursts of temper, or shutting-down your feelings; someone like her will often blame themselves. That could bring on a serious emotional-collapse.

I think it might be safer to avoid anything too serious. You might spend a great deal of time nursing her feelings if she isn't sticking strictly to her prescribed medications and therapy-sessions. Don't assign yourself as her therapist.

If you have to walk on eggshells around her; I would suggest that you let this one go. Give her a chance first. She's got to figure you out as well. Dating is just dating. It doesn't obligate you to be in a relationship.

If you find that you two seem to mesh comfortably together, and have a good understanding of how each other ticks; take your time, and get to know her better.

It's not always conceited for a woman to want to be pursued. Everyone likes and needs attention, including yourself. If she likes a few compliments, nothing wrong with that! It's good for her self-esteem. I don't mean over-the-top or narcissistic.

As a man, you also have to mind how you manage jealousy; or possessiveness towards your women. Extremely emotional is quite an ambivalent description. It could be good or bad!

She might behave differently if she's emotionally-involved or committed to someone. If she's a total flirt, back-off now. I sense from your post you're not up for that.

You can't judge anyone, one way or another, until you actually get to know them. If you know you're a bit touchy, don't go any further. She may not be able to handle someone like that.

Again, if you're not feeling the right vibe; move on.

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A female reader, ova-valentine Italy +, writes (21 April 2017):

ova-valentine agony auntIf you're worried about her getting anxiety or a panic attack because of something you did/will do, my advice is to take it slowly, and if you do get in a relationship, make sure she's okay with whatever's going on between you to at the moment. If you're looking to get more serious, make sure she's ready to have that talk with you before doing anything. You just need to keep in mind to always be cautious of what you say and do before you do it.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (21 April 2017):

Denizen agony auntLook chum, when you fall for a woman you accept the whole package. You love the quirks along with the tenderness. It sounds like you are being over analytical.

And as for your being 'extremely emotional' what does that mean - you cry when you see puppies. Get over yourself. Let go.

To truly fall in love you have to let go and jump in.

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