A
female
age
18-21,
TruBlueEyedBlonde
writes:What happens if I feel like I already lost him? I'm not sure if anyone will understand where I'm coming from but I'll try my best to explain. He says he loves me... he says he wants to be with me... but you know how it's said "actions speak louder than words"... his actions haven't been so convincing.I've realized how much attention he was giving me in the beginning of the realtionship and now I feel like I'm going through withdrawl. His hugs are so amazing I love being in his arms... his kisses are so sweet and sincere... I don't even want to get started about how lost I get in his eyes when he looks at me. I feel like a spoiled brat though... I hate confessing that I need more attention than he's giving me. I feel like one of those girls who always wants to be the center of attention, but no I'm not like that...I just want to love and be loved in return. Why does that seem so hard now, when in the beginning it seemed like it could never possibly end. I was scared when we first fell for each other and when he first confessed that he loved me more than any other person in his life and when I would get texts saying "baby please don't ever leave me... I'd be a mess". I was scared that I would fall out of love with him before me, I didn't trust myself with his heart because I cared so much about him. Now I wonder if he is the one slipping out of love. I talked to his cousin for the first time yesterday... boy it teaches me not to judge. She was so amazing and I always hated her because he spends more time talking to her than me... I always thought she wanted him to herself, I felt bad when she answered me telling me the things I've needed to hear for awhile. I just about died when she told me that he was questioning whether or not to break up with me in the beginning of the summer because of lack of seeing eachother and stress from his new job. Then that he decided not to break up with me because he couldn't "stand losing me again" and that he was "miserable without me" [[---we broke up for like 2 weeks one time and a month once]] All I need is something convincing from him that proves to me he loves me and really is just stressed out and isn't losing feelings for me.I've been questioning if I should break up with him to show him how much he really needs me and how much he's been ignoring me. Then again I'm scared I'd never get him back. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to think about.We will hit our 11 month anniversary on July 21 which means the next one to come is the big one... the one year anniversary! Do you think we will make it? I need help.p.s. sorry this is so long. better than a bunch of mini questions though. The people who have answered my other question were amazing!!! I'm new to this site and oh my god... I love it.
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male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Does it really matter if you make it a year if you are not happy? It sounds like he may have been very emotionally needy in the beginning, being with you has obviously helped him feel better about himself. I'm sure he feels obligated to you, but feels like you may be wanting more attention than he is willing to give. Back off and give him some breathing room, but don't play games, treat him with respect. When you are together, treat him like a King. Give him what you were giving him in the beginning, an ego boost. If he's a good "man" he will treat you like a Queen in return. If your not getting what you need over time, he may not be the right guy for you anyways. Decide what you want from the relationship and if it's not what you need then move on.
A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (14 July 2007):
 Of course you'll make it. Please don't try to analyze everything that could be wrong here, hun. Your relationship is just entering or has been in another phase..the stage where 'real love'is settling. The infatuation is over..you are both becoming 'love' companions. Start looking at the great and wonderful things you both share. The positives, the happiness, the ease of being with someone, you can totally be yourself. You are allowing fear to dictate your thoughts here. Stop doing that.
Dear, you are merely going through what I call the disillusionment phase here. It's normal and we all go through it. But we come to understand that phase and begin to realize, it's process that all relationships go through. You are somehow convincing yourself, that this relationship is in trouble, simply because you two are getting comfortable, he's not as attentive to you.. Hey, I still call that love...but it's an comfortable, relaxed, endearing love that could last for a long time to come. If you think that a couple can sustain a happy, blissful, passionate, fulfilled state all the time..you are dead wrong, dear. You are wrong also, if you think the most highest quality relationships don't go through phases, stages and problems. They all do. So don't allow this negative self-talk of yours destroy a good, happy union, here. If you keep that up, you will end up alone and dearly regretting a dumb break up with a man you love.
If you are feeling sad about the way your relationship is headed, sit him down and communicate, lovingly to him. Don't jump the gun and dump a person you love, simply because you 'feel' you aren't getting some attention. Let him know and both of you discuss this issue--together. It's that simple. So whenever you get these thoughts again. stay put, calm down and face whatever worries and frightens you..but do it with him. Take care and good luck.
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