A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I lost my virginity to this guy (he didn't pressure me though) and after several months of being together" and not going out, I told him I couldn't do it anymore, which is when he asked me to be his girlfriend. We went out for a week before he told me that he didn't want a girlfriend and only needed to concentrate on school right now. He sounded sad when he told me and said that he doesn't want to lose me as a friend and that we should still hang out. I said it would be really hard for me, at least right now so we agreed to take a break and not communicate for a while. We didn't speak for 3 weeks and bumpd into each other twice during this "break" and only made small talk. He texted me asking how I was and I told him that I was good (I lied). He has really hurt me in the past, so I don't know if he really values my friendship or if he thinks he can get sex again or what. I know that if I do end up seeing him, I won't have sex with him. He knows that I will not have sex with him anymore so does he only wanna be friends?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): I dissagree that schoo work is a lame reason, especially if he is trying to get into law school. By putting a label on the relationship the guy may have felt he should dedicate more time to you, something which he could not do. Labelling relationship to some people creates a lot of unneccessary pressure for some people, especially if they have gotten into the mindset of not wanting or being in the right place for a relationship. Maybe just see how it goes being friends, if he tries to sleep with you again you have your answer, if not you could end up with a good friendship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice latin dove..and to answer those questions, yes we did have sex when he asked me to be his gf and the morning after but then we stopped because he told me that we shouldnt have sex anymore and he really wants to get to know me. i kept reminding him that nothing has changed, we just put a label on the relationship and he said that labels freak guys out! we weren't really friends before, we were like acquantainces, and when I told him this, he was hurt because he considered us to be friends. in the beginning, he always told me that the reason we are not together is because his grades are low and he need to raise them so he can get into law school.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): I would suspect that the initial decision to 'Go-Out' with you was a knee jerk reaction on his part to protect the sexual relationship he had with you. The reason for that assumption is based on the fact that he had ample opportunity to ask you out at any time during your friendship with sex period, yet it took you to force his hand to bring about that change in relationship status and crucially it only lasted a week.
What may be crucial is whether you had sex during that week of going out.
He clearly wasn't comfortable with that change and the need to concentrate on schoolwork seems a lame reason... did your general relationship dramatically change much over that week?
You didn't say how long or how well you knew the guy prior to the sexual relationship, the depth of your friendship before then should determine if you had more in common than just sex, if there is then there is a possibility of just being friends if not the chances are he could be hoping for a return to the former relationship.
If he has hurt you in the past when having a friends with sex he could hurt you as 'only' a friend the call is yours, what is certain is that you need any relationsip with him to be on your terms.
Finally You said you lied when you told him you were feeling 'good' was that to cover your hurt or was it that you didn't want to seem vulnerable is there something more that is hurting...
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