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Will my life improve? What do I need to do? I feel so alone and scared.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Family, Health, Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 February 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 21 February 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, *aviebelle writes:

Am a 41 year old woman and I've asked for help and taken advice from here. Which is probably why I'm back. Asking for advice.

I'm divorced from an alcoholic husband and with the advice given to me, I have even found the strength to end an affair with a married man. I have been in the UK for the last 11 years.

Built my career though I work in a horrible job at the moment where I am constantly told I am not needed at meetings and my boss refuses to speak to me. Probably hoping that I will leave on my own. They still pay me which is ridiculous. I've been in this job for the last 6 months and was divorced in June 2016. I have no children but still try to be there for my alcoholic ex husband.

I have tried online dating in summer 2016 but it didn't work. The men who met me had issues and more baggage and wouldn't even want to meet often. I was treated worse than a bootycall. . I then had a health scare and was tested for breast cancer in November but it turned out to be nothing.

I was then unwell with a cough and cold for weeks during Christmas and finally had antibiotics in January which is still having after effects. With no family and friends that have their own lives, I am very alone.

I try and go out as often as possible but at almost 42, dating isn't easy. I don't want to be with someone cos I am scared to be alone.

I have survived alone but being alone and unwell is very hard. I have tried to turn my life around but I seem to have setbacks constantly. It feels like the joy in my life has gone for a long walk never to return.

I am scared of dying alone, it's what happened to my dad and I was the last one who saw him alive. But he died in the night. I go on as I need to support my mum.

But with this horribly sexist job, my non existent personal life and my fears and bad health, I am feeling very low. I know I need a new job and need to repair myself but I feel nothing good will come out of it. What do you think?

Despite all my good qualities, am I meant to be this constant loser in life? Will my life ever improve?

View related questions: affair, alcoholic, booty call, christmas, divorce, married man, my boss

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (21 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI think you need friendships before thinking off dating. Therefore get out there and see what your area has to offer. There may be groups or hobbies you can join where you can meet and make new friends? That is sure to make you feel better and gain more confidence. We all need friends in life.

Then yes look for a new job. It is not fair to be treated like that. Find a job that suits you.

Let the dating take a backseat at the moment. Concentrate on you and getting your life back. I would get rid off the ex husband completely as it seems he is still holding you back.

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A male reader, Phil052 United Kingdom + , writes (16 February 2017):

Phil052 agony auntHi there! I would say that life is full of ups and downs, and you've just been through a tough time over the last 12-18 months, relationship wise and health wise. You are still young though and health permitting have plenty of time to rebuild. You strike me as a really strong person who has come through so much, and I can understand a reluctance to get too involved with anyone, but you can start to enjoy life again, make new friends and develop new interests. I wish you well! x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017):

I think you need hobbies!

You should join your community center and sign up for whatever group classes that might interest you to meet like minded people and to forget about the stress of your life. You need an outlet for your frustration and you need to meet brand new people who know nothing about you so that can get a fresh start. You need new friends.

There's this channel on YouTube I think you would really appreciate; School of life. I think that if you google "YouTube school of life" it will be the first hit. Check it out.

How are you a loser? You are strong and you've already been through so much. To me you come across as a fighter who won't settle until she find happiness. You left you alcoholic husband, ended an affair with a married man, decided to stop pursuing men that didn't treat you with the respect you deserve. These are all very hard and emotionally draining situations. Of course you feel tired and your health took a bit of a hit. How about you focus on yourself and do things you enjoy? Think about you and what you need to feel fulfilled from the inside out. Be selfish. Be kind to yourself.

You can do it.

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