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anonymous
writes: I am thirty-five, divorced, and I have three children and own my own home. I have a problem with my fiance. We have been engaged just over two years. Just after we got engaged, he moved into my house. He was then in a serious accident and was temporarily disabled. Things have not been very good since the accident. He can't help but blame the accident on me because he was angry at me when he got in the car and sped off. He's gotten over that, but I know it creeps back in on occasion. Then, being at home all the time, he started to get unreasonably jealous whenever I would leave the house, even for work. It even escalated to the point where he would rip my work clothes up if the skirt was above the knee, and trap me in my room to make me late. (This was always after the kids were off to school.)I knew that it couldn't go on, so I told him if it didn't stop NOW, he would have to leave. So it calmed right down. Although he still occasionally rips up my clothes when he's angry. But then came the online gambling problem. He started to lie about banking transactions and waste a lot of money that we didn't have to waste. We have had three or four big knock-down, drag-out fights over this. Now he swears (again) that it will stop. I have touble trusting him, as you can understand. I also wonder how healthy his controlling nature is for my kids. I know that he wants to be a good person, and I do love him. He has many good qualities. Here's my question: Am I crazy for sticking around and hoping that things will get better when he goes back to work? Doctors say it could be soon. I have been thinking a lot lately about just leaving him, selling my house, and moving the kids and I in with my mother, who is getting on and could use the help and the company. But I keep thinking that as soon as he gets well, things will be better. Please advise.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (29 June 2005):
If this has been going on for the past 2 years then it will never stop.this man is a bully and if you dont leave for your sake, please consider your kids. I was brought upo with a controlling bully of a stepfather and have grown into an insecure adult who found it very difficult to adjust to 'normal' life once i left home. I have also suffered from depression and had psychiatric counselling as a direct result of this.please seriously consider leaving this man as soon as possible.
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reader, thats1foru +, writes (28 June 2005):
No his anger won't fade! I think that it may get worse before it get better. Ask yourself: when he works is he a better person? I think that he is just hiding behide the fact that he is not work but there is something else that is really bothering him. I think that you need to find out what it is.
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