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Will it get better? Am I going to regret leaving home as a teenager, in the long run?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family, Teenage, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 May 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 25 May 2016)
A female Ireland age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid, I'm 18 years old and about two months ago I left home.

I never got on well with my dad and I was quite distant from my mother.

I have serious middle child syndrome, I'm quite selfish and never satisfied. I was yearning emotional support, especially now as I have exams in two weeks.

I argued with my parents quite a lot and when having a bad day, my mother would often call me names which hurt a lot. I'm not a tramp/slut as I have had one boyfriend and am faithful to him.

Leaving home was an easy decision to make. But now it's really hard.

I have four sisters and one brother and I really miss them. And I don't want them growing up away from me but going home is not an option.

I am glad that I left as I have been so much happier away from my parents, but I regret leaving as I miss my siblings ... is it going to get easier?

I wish I could meet up with them but that would mean seeing my parents and I can't face that. Am I going to regret this decision in the long run? Will it get better?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (25 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntPlease remember that you only get one set off parents in life. Think off it this way, if your mum and dad died in a car crash tonight how would you feel? Would you miss them? Be upset? Use these feelings for something positive. You don't need to live with them, but I am sure you can still talk to them.

Concentrate on doing well in your exams and hopefully you can have a bright future, it is not uncommon to move out of the family home, I done it when I was 17 and I loved my independence, but I also had time for my family as well.

It is okay to argue with your parents, but try and look at it from both point of views, okay so your mother called you names, but you have admitted to being selfish, so maybe their is wrong on both sides here. Maybe now that you don't live their when you go to visit things will be easier and you can spend time with your siblings. If you don't want nothing to do with your parents, well then I guess you just need to wait until your siblings are old enough to make their own choices.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2016):

Well done for finding your independant spirit at a young age, you show the way for your other siblings should they need to break free from squabbling family.

Don't rely on emotional support, when we 'expect' we are very dissapointed when we don't get, you are your own strength and can manage your own emotions.

It is hard when we first fly the nest especially leaving other siblings behind, but it is part of life and more important to fly the nest than stay, it's nature.

Name calling does hurt especially when it comes from those who are supposed to be closest, another good reason to keep away from negative people even if it's Mum. You may even develop a closer relationship with mum by not been together 24-7.

As it has already been suggested, make your home a welcome place for your siblings to come over and visit and sleep overs. Video/pizza nights, Hair and nails nights, decorating party, ghost night, invite mum and dad over for a home cooked meal and show them how you have matured and let them know they have no need to worry about you.

You are in a position now to get your head down and study hard, do not dwell on the past bad words or experiences because you are NOW CREATING your own future.

I have been called from A t Z and back again from just about everyone i have ever known:) it makes me laugh (now). People do get angry and say things that they probably shouldn't, even mums. Try not to hang on to these cruel words as it is unfortunately another part of life, we can't let words crush our spirit, detaching emotionally is sometimes a healthy thing to do, it does not mean we don't love.

Good Luck....never ever believe negative words from anyone or from yourself, believe in happiness and a little forgiveness.

Be excited! new adventures! never limit yourself !the world is your oyster! help change it for the better! that means you must remain full of hope about your future.

Have you moved in with a boyfriend?

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A male reader, Myau New Zealand +, writes (25 May 2016):

Myau agony auntDo not cut contact with your family.

Moving out was the right move, but snubbing them isn't. You never know when you might need help and your parents are the ones who will give you that help.

Now that you don't live with them, you may find that you get along better with them.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (25 May 2016):

BrownWolf agony aunt

Hi OP,

Use the feeling you have to push yourself to a better life.

Finish up school, get good grades, and get a good job...That way, you can get a better and bigger place to live, and your home can be the gathering place for you and your siblings. :)

Imagine having a home where your siblings can come over for Christmas, sleep over, or just a good hang out spot.

So yes, things can get better...but it takes work.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2016):

I have the same family background. My sister who is the middle child left home. I am her younger brother who is now 25. The last time I saw her was when I was 18. We used to fight like any brother and sister but we loved each other very much and were best friends. She also hasn't seen my four other sister since she left. I miss her so much it hurts some times. I just wish I could talk to her but I don't know where she is at or how to get a hold of her. Some times I wonder if she's dead. It's never easy especially for your siblings that's all I can say.

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