A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm a 17 years old girl and still a virgin. my boyfriend is asking me to have an oral sex with him, he's 18 and were both virgins. i keep telling him that i don't want to because i'm reserving my virginity till the day i'm married. (even though im started to be tempted already..) our relationship is illegal but i love him so much, a reason why i broke my parents rules and trust. they don't really like him at all, (because they say that were too young to have a relationship.) we had already experience french kiss, and i already let him touch, kiss, and suck my top part (breast) . it just happened that i want to give him an oral intercourse but i'm too scared because my mom keeps telling me that a "surprise day" will come and she will bring my to her OB to have my check up if i'm still a virgin.. besides.. i really wanted to keep my virginity pledge.. should i or should not i give him what he wanted? were dating for about 4 months already.. and he is my first boyfriend, and i'm his first girlfriend.. (in short were both first timers.. and both are curious on what will happen.. ) sooo please help me answer the questions in my mind.. will i loose my virginity by that? will he love me more if i gave him an oral intercourse? or will he stop loving me cause i can't satisfy he sexual needs..? i'm so confused right now.. a great help would be appreciated.. thanks!!
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both virgins, oral sex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 I just remembered something that could help you decide. What if you do not end up marrying this man, but another. On your wedding night and you are to have sex with him for the first time, first time having sex with your husband, would you look back and regret giving oral to a past boyfriend, or would you look back and be happy you didn't do it back then? Or would you look back and be confident about the choices you made?
There is no guarantee you will marry this man until you are actually wed and the oath as been said and you are pronounced husband and wife. Until then, don't do anything you will regret on your wedding day.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 April 2011):
He wont love you more if you give him sex, in whatever shape. He will just be using you sexually. If he already loves you he wouldn't force you into doing anything, and if he already loves you he wont love you more, the feelings for you will stay the same.
Will he leave you if you don't have sex with him? If he does he didn't care as much about you as you hope for. Because if he did love you... he wouldn't want to make you do something you don't want to.
Oral sex is sex. How you define virginity is up to you, but in general, and strictly speaking, a virgin is someone who never had intercourse. Cunnilingus (oral sex) is not intercourse. However you will have lost some purity, and it isn't "virgin-like" to have sex. So you should determine first what kind of relationship to sex you want.
You do not sound ready by far though, I must tell you that. It's not to mean you are immature, it just means that you shouldn't think you are ready for something you are not as you will only regret it. Better to do it when you feel it is the right time, and not because of what he might think of you!
This is YOUR body, not his.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 April 2011):
 "will i loose my virginity by that?"
Not really. At least not that an OB could check, but if your mom actually took you in to have your hymen inspected that would be horrible!
"will he love me more if i gave him an oral intercourse?"
No
"will he stop loving me cause i can't satisfy he sexual needs..?"
If he does, then he's not a good guy.
"should i or should not i give him what he wanted?"
You should do what YOU want to do, and not before you feel completely ready. When it comes to sex it's never a bad thing to take your time.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 April 2011):
 your mother's threats don't hold water.. most active American girls break their Hymens at a young age through bike riding, tree climbing... running or other activitiesif you use tampons or have ever inserted a finger into your vagina your hymen is gone... hence no ability to tell if you've had sex...that being said....giving your BF oral sex is still SEX... letting him go down on you is still ORAL SEX...ANAL sex is the same thing... still SEXONE of my pet peeves is technical virginity...where girls do everything BUT actual penis to vagina intercourse...that's not PURE... that's semanticsIF You have a purity ring and took a purity pledge I would avoid anything that's called SEX ORAL or ANALnecking and petting (even HEAVY petting below the waist) might be ok but the truth is at your age with the raging hormones it will be hard to STOP at just that... it's very frustrating for all parties involved.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): You should not go out and LOSE your virginity just to rebel. Years from now your mother will have long since stopped ruling your life and you will be left with your own decisions. Make whatever choice that you want to remember, far into the future.There are plenty of other ways to rebel that don't leave you with as many problems, as virginity lost at the wrong time. People don't successfully keep virginity pledges by just never feeling tempted to have sex. It takes willpower. Either you have it or you don't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Oral SEX is called that for a reason. Of course, there will be no way for a doctor to tell if you've given it (unless you're very unlucky and get an STD in your throat).
I think a lot of girls face your dilemma. Don't do something just because he wants it and keeps asking/pressuring you for it. He won't love you more, he'll just want more sex. If you do it you'll probably regret it, and you may end up resenting him and yourself. He needs to respect your feelings and wishes. You'll always have the chance to do these things--I doubt you'll find yourself in a situation where you regret NOT doing it.
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652  +, writes (28 April 2011):
 I don't know why your relationship is illegal, but if it is (and it's not just a figure of speech) then you shouldn't be with him.
You shouldn't give your boyfriend oral sex just so that he'll love you more, or if it's because he won't love you if you don't give him oral sex. That isn't love - that's using you and manipulating you.
It's debatable whether you're still a virgin after you have oral sex. Some people say you aren't, some people say you are because you haven't had penetrative sex.
I would probably suggest you don't do anything sexual with him, because you seem hesistant because a part of you wants to wait til you're married. Don't do anything you're not sure about.
I feel sort of iffy about your mother wanting you to get physically checked out to see if you're a virgin... does she even have a right to do that??
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