A
female
age
41-50,
*omersetlucy73
writes:Hi I am 33 and have been married 11 years, we have two children and I am pregnant with our third child soon. I have found out that my husband who is the same age as me has had an affair with an 18 year old girl 'K' who worked a a telephone operator while doing her A-Levels. He is a senior manager and they slept together at the Christmas party. They had an affair and I found out all the details of there sex sessions in hotel by phoning her after my husband admitted a one night stand. I got 'K's number from his mobile and she told all, said she was sorry and that he had said it was all over with me. But 'K' knew I was pregnant and she carried on sleeping with him again while she knew I was devastated. They never used any precausions and he slept with both and 'K' had a boyfriend she slept with. He says he wants me and our family it's been 7 weeks and I have left and returned but I can't make up my mind. He is being nice to me now after months of being cruel to me while I was pregnant and in the dark. Now I know he is being nice but if I want to discuss anything about her he says it's not doing any good he just wants to forget and move on he gets annoyed if i bring the details up again (I have known for 7 weeks I should be getting over it apparently). I can't move on I keep picturing him with a young girl while I am older fatter and pregnant. I have never met 'K' and would love to see her but he says It's nothing to do with her 'K' is innocent it is his fault only. I just want to tell her how she has made me feel when she dropped her knickers for my husband on the first night she spoke to him without condoms and see what she looks like. I feel obsessed with the situation and upset if I walk away. I am so scared to be alone with 3 children. He has the career and I looked after children and I have been studying for my degree. I have no confidence to start again all by myself. Will I ever get over this or should I leave?
View related questions:
affair, christmas, condom, confidence, move on, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): If a man cheats on you he does not feel the same way as you. And you should be really pissed that he lied to the little bitch. you should take your children and get out of that situation. this is not something that your daughters (if you have them) should see. You are being so weak right now by putting up with his shit. Be the strong women that god meant you to be and leave him and move on.
A
female
reader, splendid_spiders  +, writes (3 August 2007):
I'm 31 and having my third child as well. I've finally settled down again after staying single and raising my other two kids on my own. If you leave him, will you have help and support from family or friends? Would you have anyone to stay with while you get on your feet? If I were you, I'd leave him, but that's me. I guess I love myself and my life more than I could love any man. But again, that's just me. Many others would tell the two of you to get professional help. I could of gotten help in my last marriage too; however, I knew that no matter what I did, I'd never trust him again ... and I felt I could do better. I feel I have. Now, if you only stay with him because you are afraid to be on your own, it's only going to make things worse. If you are still in love with him and feel you can forgive him someday, then maybe you should stay. Maybe you should leave for a while to take some more time to think this through. If he doesn't like that, screw him! He's the one who messed up ... he should be on his hands and knees begging for forgivness! Just remember: this is your life and you can make what you want out of it. He was only lucky to have had you ... his loss. If you do leave, it will hurt, but you will get over it. Email me if you need someone to talk to. Xoxo
...............................
A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (3 August 2007):
 I suggest you go see a counselor without your hubby. You need to have someone to tell how you are feeling to get the pressure off of you and the coming baby. You will get pas this, but it will take time. One thing at a time though, get your control back, and get your head straight before you make any decisions on what to do about the marriage. I know it sounds ridiculous, but imagine a point in the future where you have no emotion about his adultery. You may never get there, but that is the point in time where you will have the least emotion, be the least vulnerable, and you will have the most self control. Please see a counselor for yourself first.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): I agree with Aunt Em, you and your husband should enter into counseling because he needs to deal with his infidelity (more than likely it'll happen again) and just because he's being nice, does not wave the pain away for you. During this time, I would start setting aside some money and if by the time you've earned your degree, you still feel like you can't trust him, or have lost your love for him, then I would file for divorce. Being pregnant and in your situation is probably not the best time to strike out on your own right now. But I doubt you'll ever be able to trust him again and the nagging images are going to destroy your love eventually. Wonder if 'K' s boyfriend knows about this little affair? Perhaps you should clue him in. After all it's only fair that she suffer along with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (3 August 2007):
 Oh my god you poor thing, What he did was awful, but I do suggest you see marriage counselor as to why he had an affair and lying about saying it was a one night stand when in reality it was more than that. Being pregnant should be a happy time for you both and he has shattered that that illusion by sleeping with someone with morals of an alley cat.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 August 2007):
 I think it would be very beneficial for you and your husband to have some professional counselling. There are so many issues here and you are in a delicate state, I am not sure this is the best place to get advice. There are children involved and this girl he had an affair with is only just out of childhood herself, so you may not be vindicated by speaking with her. Speak to you doctor and ask to be put in touch with a family liason counsellor ar contact RELATE. Being under so much stress whilst pregnant is not good for you or your baby...so make sure you see your midwife regularly too.
I really hope you find the path to some resolution.
Aunty Em x
...............................
A
female
reader, vickiii07 +, writes (3 August 2007):
 oh dear x you are in a bit of a mess
but if your husband carried on sleepin with "k" when they both knew you knew ! Is pathetic really.
If you dont think you can rekindle the relationship between you or rebuild trust its not worth it.
Children are much happier when their parents arent fighting.
I know its difficult but maybe seeing a marriage consellor might help ?
If not make a clean break.
sort out whos looking after the kids when.
...............................
|
