A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was brought up in quite a religious family and was taught not to have sex before marriage. While all my friends were having a varied sex life during uni I was with another guy who had similar values. We broke up and I have now been with my current boyfriend for 5 years. Our sex life is ok but I am acutely aware that I have nothing to compare it to and I do wonder if I have 'missed out'. We've talked about marriage and stuff but deep down I do feel I need to sleep with someone else to be sure.Does this sound ridiculous? Will I always regret not sleeping with someone else if we do marry?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2015): I am the OP and I just want to thank you all for your helpful responses. I know there is never an easy answer and I've decided to talk to my partner about it and see where we go from there. Thank you again,aunts and uncles ?
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 January 2015):
 My sexual partner count is close to 20 but I still say the grass is not always greener. I did not do it out of rebellion. I wanted the experience, to explore then found out they were not needed. All I needed was someone I loved. I experienced the best kind of lover but still nothing compares to true, long lasting love. It's also possible I only say this after having experienced different men. I can't go back and re-experience being a virgin and tell you if I am able to stop the nigging thoughts about needing other penises, or even have those thoughts at all. All I can say is, if you are happy with your current one, don't mess it up by thinking about others. Once you marry there is no going back.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2015): No. You won't regret it. Not if you really love your current partner. I married my first love. Have never been with anyone else and regret nothing. We've been together nearly nine years.
The grass is not always greener. X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2015): OP,
You can never know if you could have done better when it comes to many things in life.
The question is can you live with what you have?
You might better sex with someone else other than your partner. That will ALWAYS be the case whether you've slept with one partner or 100. You will never know in absolute terms that your guy is best because you haven't slept with all the guys in the world to make that judgement.
No amount of benchmarking will help you know he makes you happy. He either satisfies your needs or he doesn't. Regardless of whether other men could do better or worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2015): OP,
The crucial point is not that you need sex with other people.
It's that your current sex life is OK.
In my first relationship, I had itchy feet because I thought 'this can't be it. If it is, it is overrated'
Had I met my now husband first, and had he been my first, I wouldn't have cared what else is out there because our love making is out of this world. He knows how to hit all the right spots.
OP, are you truly happy in your relationship or are you only still in it because it's now a habit?
If you are happy, stay put and experiment sexually with each other. If you are not convinced with the whole sex thing then you may not be sexually compatible.
In itself sex is rather meaningless. It comes down to body parts grinding against each other. The physics of it doesn't vary much. The key is whose penis and who's vagina are involved.
If you are happy with the man attached to the penis that you know then you have nothing to gain from another random penis.
Good luck finding your path. Stay true to yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): I believe in quality not quantity. With that said, I guess it depends who you have sex with. Sex just for the sake of it, isn't always all it's cracked up to be. If you go out and sleep with someone who is a relative stranger, who's to say it won't suck. And if the guy you sleep with, outside of your relationship, turns out to be a jerk, you'll feel rotten about it and will then regret having had sex with him and straying from your relationship. Sex with someone you really really like and have feelings for makes all the difference in it being enjoyable and worthwhile. So unless there is somebody else that you really like and would like to explore a sexual relationship with, I think the only thing you are going to end up regretting is acting on this impulse. But often you need to experience the bad in order to acknowledge and appreciate the good. If this is going to bother you, it is probably in your and your boyfriends best interest to take some time to yourself, be single. Do some dating. Have sex. See what men are all about. That's likely what you need in order to eliminate this idea that you somehow are missing out on something "good."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): "Will I always regret not sleeping with someone else if we do marry?"
Not as much as you'd regret sleeping with the wrong guy.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours  +, writes (11 January 2015):
 On the contrary, I slept with my high school boyfriend and met my husband immediately after that relationship. I had wished I had waited for him. No regrets really, nothing to lose sleep over. But I was his first and would have felt better being his first. I think sex gets greater over time. In my experince, it's better with one person because you can tweek it and adjust it and branch out. You can create a comfort base and slowly move outward to create a larger base and so on. It's not so glorious to have a different penis inside you. My husband and I had a two year break during which we both experienced several others. None of those other nights was good for me. I wasn't glad for them and neither was he. Personally, we both regretted those others. They were nothing but rebellion. And sex with no emotions for us was very unpleasant and felt dirty.
This is coming from a very conservative couple who went through a rough patch.
Similar to beavers (research beavers, they're adorable), humans are monogamous life partners. We are nesters, unlike other animals which are grazers and travel in polygamous herds. Primitively, we find a mate and make a family and that is what the sex is for. That's how I see it, and thus, don't view experimenting with other mates as a necessity. Honestly that's JUST me. I am not at all critical of how others view this. Just food for thought.
~SY
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (11 January 2015):
Dear OP,
I was in a similar situation like you once and broke up to make another experience. And it was a good decision that I will never regret.
If you ask me now, the important thing wasn't to physically experience another way of having sex. It was that after almost 6 years of relationship, me and my ex were caught in a boring pattern.. not just in bed. We had grown apart, because we made different decisions in our lives that made us less and less compatible.
For the first 4 years of our relationship, I never really asked myself if I would regret not having slept with anybody else. It wasn't until I felt frustrated with the relationship, as a whole, that I started to fantasize about something new.
Then, after I was single again, I made good and also very bad experiences. To experience really bad sex and really good sex, to meet really beautiful and really ugly people (soul-wise) has brought me closer to my own definiton of intimacy and good sexuality. It has shown me how different people handle issues about love and intimacy, and how you can feel beautiful next to one person and worthless next to another. To be single has made me feel vulnerable and lonely a lot of the time, but also made me able to grow in a way I could never have grown as long as I was with my ex. I don't know if I'm so much happier on the path that I took, as there's less security and comfort where I am standing now in life. But everybody who knows me has confirmed that I became a much more mature person since my break up and I can see that as well. And I'm proud of that.
This is just my personal story.
I shared it because I don't think there's THE answer to your question. Depending on where you are in life, you can regret many things: Having stayed, having left..
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (11 January 2015):
 Yeah, you'll probably regret it.
I ended up marrying the first guy I slept with. I never meant to only sleep with one person, it just so happened that the guy I lost my virginity to at 19, was The One, and here we are 9 years later, 5 years married, with a one year old and a great relationship.
And fantastic as he is, wonderful as our time together has been, that has never squelched the endless curiosity.
And you'll hear "it's not that great, trust me" from all your friends, but that doesn't stop the wondering. You KNOW that the grass is greener, and that basically sleeping with someone else will confirm that your fella is the fella for you, but still - this endless, nagging curiosity.
It's a tough situation. And if you decide to break up with your guy to test the waters with someone else, you may regret that 100% more than regretting only being with the one guy.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): YES.
You will regret it.
I married my first boyfriend and sexual partner I ever had.
I regretted it.
More than anything.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 January 2015):
 Oh, do relax. I've been there, done that. I'm still there, actually, in one way or the other. I am a bisexual woman. I've never had a relationship with a woman. And so I used to go 'round and 'round thinking I needed to be with a woman before I could settle with either or. I need to experience both, or else I'd always be wondering.
So, to save you the trouble, I will tell you what will happen. You will end things with your boyfriend, in the search of something else. A new experience. The new experience will come. It'll be great! Or bad, haha. You just never know. But it rarely is any better than what you already had. I mean, if you've got a great relationship that ticks all the boxes, and all that's missing is something that is essentially YOUR problem, and not a relationship problem, then you will never find a relationship that is better. Because you already had it.
So what will happen is you will have sex with someone new. And then what? Exactly.. nothing. You're still you, still the same wants and desires.
When you first had sex with your boyfriend, it was all new and exciting, right? But then you had sex again with him... was it still new and exciting? Maybe yes? Maybe no? It'll be the exact same with someone else. Because YOU do not change, so how excited you get about being sexual with someone will always be the same, regardless of who it is.
I'm a person who thinks sex is great. I never have gotten bored with it, never had "plain vanilla sex". I'm always interested the new and exciting. So indeed, some years back, I had huge trouble settling in a relationship with a man, and had a strong urge to try things with women for a change. I did end up having some sexual experiences, but never a relationship.
Funny thing is, I found myself single not too long ago. The relationship ended not because I wanted new sexual experiences, although the thought of it has always been there. Then I went on dating sites, I went out on town, I flirted and was living life as a single person. I chatted up women too! But I found myself bored with them. And I found, that once I got down to it, I did like the fantasy of a woman, or the idea of a woman, but actually pursuing one wasn't really all that great. And I started to imagine a relationship with one, and I didn't see how it would be any different from a relationship with a man. So I thought to myself "screw this, I will be with whomever feels right for me, regardless of gender".
So I ended up in a relationship with a man, yet again! Back to square one! Completely willing, with the opportunity to be with women there, I still chose to go be in a relationship with a man! Go figure.
You might not think it's the same, because I was into more experiences with women (and already having experience with men), and you're interested in experience with men (and only have experience with one man). But it does come down to the same thing: wanting a new experience. Being afraid of making the wrong choice. Afraid to miss out and look back on life with regret.
You need to do what feels right for you. But I did go out there, I had the opportunity several times, I could decide to give up heterosexual relationships and pursue a homosexual one. But once in that position, I knew it wasn't what I really wanted after all. It comes down to what you actually want in life, for yourself. A new experience doesn't add much, it doesn't change you, it doesn't give you much. The IDEA of a new experience is by far more exciting, this is what I discovered. I am glad I attempted it, because I can look back and remind myself of what reality was actually like, instead of imagining some fantasy of what it would be like. So perhaps you too need to learn this for yourself. But if you're one of those who doesn't need to make her own mistakes, and can learn from others, I will tell you: it's not all it's cracked up to be. If you're happy where you are, then I advice you to stay. Because the realty of a new sexual experience might be good, it might be bad, but it will never be the fantasy you imagine in your head. It'll be quite the same, in fact, as having sex with the man you already have in your bed. Another body is just another body... nothing really changes.
But of course, if you are miserable in your relationship, then you don't need to look for excuses to end it. Just say "you're a lovely man, but not the one for me".
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (11 January 2015):
 Hey, I know what you are going through having been raised in a very religious family, but honestly I am glad at having experienced the sexual things that I have, even glad my current girlfriend had gone through the relationships that she had, hurt pains and all. We have an awesome sex life coz we have no hidden itches we need scratched like it seems you do. Personally I have no qualms about premarital sex these days, just being real but I feel awful at the thought of cheating and adultery, and besides what would happen if you married and realized you're not compatible sexually?Sex life is "OK" you say, meaning you're not getting as much sex or as much satisfaction as you would want coz otherwise you wouldn't be wondering about what lies out there.I'd suggest you talk to your partner about how you feel about wanting "SOME STRANGE" if you have that open kind of communication with him or let him go if not, as he isn't satisfying some or most of your needs in the relationship and it would be a tragedy to even consider marrying someone yet you feel that way inside.All the same, good luck and do update us on what you decided and how everything goes.
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