A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is 43 too old to find a partner capable of a mature but fun and equal relationship? Does it help that I look younger, even though I don't want a younger partner? I am recently out of a relationship that lasted almost two decades and can see where everything went very wrong. But I simply don't know if I have left it too late to repair the damage to my esteen and to start again - I want to, but will all the men that I meet be 'damaged goods' too by now? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): I say yes. Everyone has their own hardships and problems. People see life in many different ways. If you are looking for a pure, innocent man at that age, it would be much harder to find. The one thing you CAN control is your own belief and yourself. There is someone out there for you. and when you do meet him, you wont let a little bit of a damaged past get in the way of your relationship. Everyone has their own defense mechanisms because of the things that have happened to them. Some may have higher defenses than others. Some may be just as open to the idea of meeting someone new. Good luck
A
female
reader, amazingk  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 The opinion you have of yourself is the one that other's will adopt, so ALWAYS If you go around thinking and behaving as though you're "damaged goods", then that's how you'll be training other's to perceive you and treat you as well. You're not damaged, you're just a woman that's lived a life. Hopefully the life you've lived has shaped you into a stronger, wiser, and even more beautiful person. Always be proud of who you are and where you've come from. Anyone that can't see you as favorably as you see yourself isn't worthy of you.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 Why are you in such a rush anyway. You are not to old no, but you have just came out of a very very long relationship. So take some time to yourself. Enjoy life, treat yourself do things that make you happy and give you more confidence. No not every man will be damaged goods. There are many different stories and life styles out there, so don't judge people. Just live life to the fullest, enjoy yourself, and enjoy getting to know new people. You never no who will pop up when least expected.
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male
reader, linchung +, writes (4 October 2011):
That is a a very negative view. I wouldn't look at people as damaged goods yourself included. Stuff happens to people, it's how we deal with it, learn from it and move on. It's definitely something that can mold and build a person for the better. Look up an article called "The Phoenix Process" it describes how through the destruction of relationships, partnerships, marriages for whatever reason, depending upon how you deal with it, you can become a better stronger person.
I've been through this recently and I do feel I am a better stronger person for having gone through this process and do not consider myself damaged goods. I'm 47, was married for 14 years and my wife cheated on me with my best friend.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (4 October 2011):
 that's a very negative view and no, they will not all be damaged goods, of course SOME will be but all you can do is stay alert to spot signs of trouble early on and bail out before you get hurt. work on your esteem FIRST before looking for a relationship. a healthy self esteem will put you in a stronger position and make you less desperate to find someone. when you are desperate you make mistakes!
good luck
x
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