A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was reading someone else's question and it encouraged me to post a similar question of my own. My wife and I have been married for about 7 years. When we met, she had a lot of sexy lingerie - about 20 pieces. She also told me she had thrown away about 20 pieces prior to meeting me - at the age of 32. She is a gorgeous, sexy woman - a real head turner. During our marriage, she basically refuses to wear lingerie for me. She talks about wearing it for past boyfriends - by making a comment here and there - but only gets mad if I ask her to do the same for me - after about 7 years of marriage. Each year she has a different excuse of why she doesn't want to "spice up" our relationship. We have sex but through most of our marriage it was just something she wanted to do quickly and that's it. So, the bottom line is, she has made me feel as though she went out of her way to buy sexy outfits for all the other guys before me - that she did not even marry - but with me it is different. She does not make the effort to buy and wear anything for me - just one piece of lingerie for our wedding night - that's it. She even threw away a bunch of the outfits in a rage one day saying that the reason she did was so I "couldn't ask" her to wear something for me. Now, I could understand if she was never into this, but why make comments about wearing stuff for an ex, keeping a ton of lingerie from past relationships and then acting as though I'm the unreasonable bad guy for wanting her to treat me as well as she treated the guys before me? It has put a real strain on our relationship to say the least.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): She seems pissed at something. How is your performance in bed? I have to say, though, there had better be a good reason for this because it's not an acceptable behavior.
You definitely need to find out why this is happening. Maybe some of her friends know.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Ah, forgot other reason..
You make her feel abused and try to treat her like a dolly that's there for you to use.. She dosen't sound happy in the bedroom, how much time do you take to make sure she's happy and satisfied. How much effort do you spend on bringing her fantasies to life?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
sorry.. but marieclaire and caringguy have it spot on..
The only other excuse is either she dosen't love you, or she's using them sexy clothes on somebody else. No other explainations make any sense..
The best thing to do, is go and ask her yourself why she won't wear sexy stuff arround you.. and I suggest you listen very carefully about what she has to say.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have even purchased "new" lingerie - which was promptly returned. BTW, MC, please do not respond. The only thing "warped" is your reading comprehension.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses. She does not look at her lingerie as a reminder of being "used." She has kept her clothing, "maintained" them, made room for them in 3 different houses we have lived - ample opportunity to throw them away if they were so psychologically offensive. Why mention wearing them and so forth but then refuse to do it with her husband?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 June 2010):
I suspect you'll find all those other guys used her for sex and made her do things she wasn't really that happy with. I think it's likely she wants you to believe that she's changed and isn't this women she was before that she wasn't happy with, but is now a woman who is committed to you and isn't into being used. To her, it's not about treating you as well as her ex's. It's about you seeing her in a better light than her ex's saw her.
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