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Wife spending alot of time with male friend

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Question - (18 October 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 18 October 2009)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, *ohnyorks81 writes:

I'm 28, my wife's 26, we've been married for 5 months now, all's been good so far.

However, I've become concerned with her about the amount of time she spends with a certain male friend.

I'm not normally jealous of her interaction with other men, far from it, I'm usually easygoing, but it's the fact that this guy's a notorious convicted rapist(in our area), who's 25 years old, (in our area) that worries me.

He was released on parole about 6 weeks ago, and since then, my wife's been spending her free time with him whenever she can.

He claims to be reformed, my wife told me, but how can you ever be sure, especially as the guy's a convicted rapist and ex-Hell's Angels member. She told me there's nothing going on, they're just friends, but would you consider it an inappropriate friendship for a married woman to have? She'd never met him until then.

I wouldn't normally tell her who she can and can't see, but this is worrying me a lot, I mean how would she like it if I spent time with a former girl gang member released from prison?

I've tried talking with my wife, but she accuses me of being jealous, and physically slapped me in the face.

How can I get her to see that she's risking her safety being with this guy? Am I right in thinking that there's a chance that guys like him may go back to their old ways if no-one's watching them?

I want to get counselling about this with my wife coming with me but she won't hear any of this - in fact she won't hear anything negative being said about this new guy friend.

I don't think she's having an affair with the guy, nothing going on in her life suggests that, but why is she acting so odd and defensive about it?

What would you do in my situation?? I would appreciate any advice as this situation is getting me down a lot.


View related questions: affair, jealous, married woman

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009):

She slapped you? And you are still there? You are worried for her and her safety and when you bring it up she slapped you? Man, seriously. That is a big sign of disrespect. If my fiancé ever slapped me it would be the end of our relationship, unless I did something horrible to deserve it. Like cheat on her! (which I wouldn't)

if she cares at all about your feelings as her husband, then she will stop. I'm sorry to say but it sounds like more is going on than just friendship. If you can live with her treating you like crap, then tuff it out, but I suggest you find yourself a better woman, or get her to listen to your feelings.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009):

If my wife had made freinds with a Hell's Angle convicted rapist and then cut me off from the majority of her time for her to spend time with him... what would I do?

Oh, and she hit you when you brought it up...

Geee, this is a hard one...

Well, if it's going to take getting the two of them on video I'd invest a few bucks on a 'nanny-cam' (looks like a smoke detector, has a video camera in it)... and you can see if their doing the dirty while your at work.

Personally, I think that your fighting a loosing battle- unless she's in a relationship with you, and your getting your needs met (and insuring hers are getting met too) what are you doing with her? Sound like a room mate situation...

I'd cut my loses, get my finances in order (cut the credit cards off, start an "exit" fund... ) and be ready to take my stuff out of the house and set up somewhere else. Having video to share with the family of her pinned under the reformed rapist would be nice...

You need to ask yourself if this is a normal & healthy relationship and how many people to you know at work that would put up with this kind of crap.

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