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My wife is no longer in love with me

Tagged as: Faded love, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 November 2004) 10 Answers - (Newest, 28 April 2008)
A , anonymous writes:

my wife has recently told me that she no longer loves me.she says she feels trapped.we have two small children (3 and 7).she has started going out at weekends and not coming home til 3:30 4:00 in the morning.she says there is noone else and if i want to stay at home for the children thats up to me,otherwise i can go.she gets a lot of txt messages form a particular guy at work (she works in a pub).he calls her babe and sweetheart and always finishes with love you princess.am i reading to much into these messages. she doesnt know i know.should i just give her time to be alittle free or is it all lost.any advice would be much appreciated.thnx:)

View related questions: at work, trapped

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008):

The first thing to do is to make sure that she's not actually cheating on you. If it has become physical, then there's no question. This woman is no longer your wife, she is an adulteress who has forgotten about you and has no respect for you or your children. If it's only an emotional thing (which I sincerely doubt) then you still have a terrible problem that you have to rectify.

I would also confront her about this, meanwhile get an attorney and start talking to a person you trust that can counsel with you. You shouldn't be alone during this and you ought to know that what she is doing is absolutely wrong. She wants you to go away so that she doesn't have to. A woman like that will be no mother to your children, so don't leave them with her.

I would take steps to start life over.

God loves you. Be strong.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008):

My wife said the same thing dude after seventeen years. Stick in there. Sacred marriage vows have been said and you are the stronger for it. Your duty is to hold the marriage first and formost and divorce is a sin against God.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007):

If she has said she is no longer in love, she is no longer in love and now it's time for you too to move on and find someone who really does love you and values you

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007):

Kick her to the curb dude. The kids will grow up with or without either of you. Life is way too short to waste on this loser. Do you plan to compromise your happiness for the benefit of others who won't appreciate it anyway? And trust me, she's sleeping around. Been there, done that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006):

Wake up and smell the roses pal, shes no good for you. Go find yourself a woman who will love you for the rest of your days. Your wife will only give you stress and heartache.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2006):

i am having the same issues. my wife has told me that she "loves" me but she isnt "in love" with me. then next i notice that this guy at work is all she talks about and how he is having wife issues as well. next thing i know they are having lunch, talking on her cell phone (which by the way his number is on there 19 times and mine is on there 1 time) and that im not what she is looking for. so now we have a fight and she reveals to me that they are talking about getting together after their divorces. i thought i would be A-OK if she left but after hearing that my heart dropped. im so angry but i dont know what to do. i feel depressed, angry, sad, hurt, and somehow feel like a weight has been lifted. she says i drove her to it, i think she made this move on her own. be strong, dont give in, and remember, if she doesnt want you, there are far more women who do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005):

Listen, you deserve better than that. If you are a couple then you should be together especially when children are involved. What you have said is not good. You need to acknowledge that there is no real love here anymore. You need to acknowledge that the children need you more now than ever before. You both have responsibility to your children despite the hurt that is being experienced. Please be strong for their sake.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005):

She wants to have her cake, and eat it too. If she is not cheating on you,she soon will be. Filefordivorce,getcustody of the kids. Later she will regret her actions and come back. But you will be able to choose if you want to give her a second chance.

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A reader, F, writes (3 January 2005):

I feel very bad for you. Having two little kids is tough enough for two parents, but when one appears to have "checked out" of the relationship, it must be agonizing for the other.

It sounds like your wife may be having a phase of wanting to feel attractive and sexy, now that the reality of motherhood has set in. Have you been treating her like a "mommy", and not like your wife and lover? Perhaps this has contributed, although her wandering may have nothing to do with how you have been treating her recently. All the clues indicate that she is becoming too involved in a life away from her family, and she has told you that she does not love you. This puts you in a very tenuous situation. Do you hold yourself together for the sake of your kids, and hope she has a change of mind and heart, or do you not accept this behavior and give her an ultimatum, which may lead to her walking away?

This is a very difficult choice, but you cannot continue to live this way, especially for the good of your kids. Perhaps a separation may be wise, so you both can sort out your feelings, and contemplate the future. Your self-respect and your kids self-esteem will no doubt suffer under the present relationship conditions. I hope you can resolve this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2005):

My friend when a woman is out THAT late at night something is up. Especially you find messages calling her baby and etc from a guy??? You aren't reading much into it you are reading too little. Obviously she is lying when the claim of not having another affair outside and asking you to leave the kids if you want seems a bit harsh. If you want to salvage this marriage do so fast since another guy seemed to be like moving onto your wife. I would say spark the love that have burnt out. When she say she felt trapped give her some space since she seemed like the free spirit type yet there should be a limit as to how much space one gets. If all else fails then you really have to get her to sit down with you and talk it out thoroughly and be up front with her with the messages you have read up so she cannot deny otherwise of anything else. Women like men majority are lairs (despite some lie for good and lie for bad). Talk it out but dont haste or make it an uproar everything will have to be up front if all else fails to spark the love again to make her coming back onto you. You might want to change a bit in ways if she say she was unhappy or felt trapped in same ways than you yourself as a husband will have to change to make her feel comfortable again in those areas.

I hope my advice proves useful and may you find the guiding light to the answer you seek~

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