A
male
age
51-59,
*ooNiceDave
writes:This is a puzzling thing for me. About 10 years into my marriage I noticed that my wife would immediately walk ahead of me when going places. She doesn't slow down, just keeps walking.She is not more attractive for a woman than I am for a man, if fact, I think most people would say I could do better if either could. When we get out of the car she takes off and goes, almost always. I have thought that she does not have respect for me. I never do this to her. I always wait for her if I am ready to go first. But not her, she seriously has a thing for taking off and waling ahead, and I am not slow, but nevertheless she sometimes will take off in a different direction. Sometimes she will say "did I rush you." I am in much better shape than she is and I notice she doesn't do this with other people. This really bothers me. We have talked about this and she still does it. But I saw her waling with coworkers a few times and she stays right with them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012): Sorry I am so late with this answer. I think you have to ask yourself if she feels dominant over you. Does she take control of most situations or is this an isolated event. She may feel that she wears the pants in the family. Maybe she has always done this kind of thing, habit if you will. If you feel that she is controlling you in every aspect of your relationship, then you have to address that issue. Be strong my friend, and show her you can step up to the plate. If not, then do not take it personally.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 Try one of the approaches suggested here and see what happens. We'd love to hear how things go on if you want to give updates in this thread.
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reader, TooNiceDave +, writes (31 January 2012):
TooNiceDave is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have NEVER made negative comments about her in any way.
I always walk right with her. She is the one waling ahead all of the time.
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reader, TooNiceDave +, writes (31 January 2012):
TooNiceDave is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the comments!
I want to make one comment about the statement "She is not more attractive for a woman than I am for a man, if fact, I think most people would say I could do better if either could."
I only included this to remove questions about her actions being viewed as being based upon physical characteristics. This was only to suggest that she is not doing this because she is a 10 and I am a 3 and she doesn't want to me seem with me. My point was only to clarify this in advance, to give more information.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): I often walk ahead of my husband and leave him behind, because he walks so darn slow I get so irritated by it. I have asked him a million times to walk faster please and he simply refuses. It's not that he can't, just that he won't. He just doesn't like to move at more than a snail's pace. I'm a very athletic and on-the-go type person, and he isn't. Keeping pace with him made me feel lethargic, bored, and impatient. after years of asking him to please walk faster, and trying to slow down to match his speed and end up feeling so bored and lethargic and sluggish myself, now I just walk at my own speed and let him walk at his. We don't need to be walking side by side all the time especially if I'm getting irritated at having to slow down to a snails pace in order to do so and he refuses to speed up. Which means I'm now almost always walking 10 feet ahead of him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): Really, we can all try to guess at her motives but since none of us know this woman in real life we have no idea. OP, if it bothers you that much I suggest you go straight to the source and address it with your wife. Not only does this seem like a pretty trivial complaint for 10 years of marriage, it's odd to me that you have been sharing a home, a life, and bodily fluids with this woman for more than a decade yet take to the internet because she walks faster than you do (!?)
Also, I don't want to be too harsh here, but I would suggest that you scrap the notion that you could do "better" than your wife. Not only is it demeaning to your wife and to your marriage, most people would find it extremely unattractive to be with someone who thinks like this. If you communicate this perceived sense of superiority to others, it's most likely your wife that could do better than *you*. Arrogance is not an attractive trait in anyone ;)
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reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Put on your running shoes and start sprinting! :) I'm serious. Walk faster, jog if you have to, and see what she does or says when you're walking next to her. Or is it possible to persuade her to wear high heels, so it slows down her pace? If all things fail, slap on some hand cuffs and she won't leave your side, lol.
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reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (30 January 2012):
 marieclaire, I don't think the OP meant to insult his wife. I suspect he anticipated the suggestion that his wife was embarrassed by his appearance and tried to address it before it was asked.
OP, I tend to walk quickly, as if I'm on a mission (so I'm told). This is so ingrained in me I don't even notice I'm doing it. With friends I don't see as often I'm able to catch myself. Not because they are more important to me, but because I'm more aware of a change in routine just having them around.
Chigirl gave you some good advice. You've already talked to your wife about this, and I'm guessing you've already pointed it out to her while she's doing it. All to no avail. So stop doing it. Let her get far ahead, then let her look for you. Eventually your wife will get tired of having to keep track of you and she'll adjust her pace accordingly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): Marieclaire you are taking it personal as though this hurt your feelings? i suggest you use up your personal space to sort it out bcos it is clear you are allowing it affect your judgement.I can understand toonicedave's position here.Same as everyone, when someone bites at you you will always want to bit back... a good example is marieclaire :P... forgive the pun but hey toonicedave is clearly hurt by this attitude and it has caused his mind to waver.His wife has given him a reason for him to see her negative side by disrespecting him and she might not realise this but if it isn't sorted out then it wouldn't just be a statement/remark we would be debating here... we might end up trying to fix a marriage.Your wife has issues bro... she might not be voicing them out but that's for her to decide... either way she is doing things wrong... if she loves you and is committed to you she will want to be by your side. nuffsaid
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reader, chigirl +, writes (30 January 2012):
PS. I didn't tell my friend that I was angry with her for walking ahead of me. Instead I slowed down even more and stopped bothering with rushing after her. Whenever I wanted to stop and look at something I would just stop, its her own fault if she wandered off and lost me. I was tired of having to shout at her to make her stop whenever I wanted to go into a store, so I stopped calling for her, and just went into the store. Let her wonder where I went. I know it is a bit childish, but after telling a person over and over that this is rude and they don't stop, I'd just drop it. Like I said, talk to her about it again. Be firm. Make sure she gets the message. If she does it again then just walk off on your own, don't bother following her. Or go back home. If she wants to walk alone, let her walk alone... What else can you do? Stop going to places with her in order to maintain the peace in the marriage.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (29 January 2012):
It's not to do with looks. It's to do with respect, in my opinion, or a lack of understanding for this behaviour being hurtful. I don't get why you focus on who looks better or who is in better shape though. She doesn't do this because she thinks she is hotter than you or something. So drop that. She does this because she lacks respect for you. She can't be bothered with waiting for you. It's really a stupid way to show someone that you are unpleased with them in a way. Seriously though, one of my best friends did this to me. I've known her for 10 years and we've been close friends for all that time. Yet she did it to me, and I was pissed off at her for it, but I didn't say anything. We were on a one week vacation together, and she's not done this before, but during that week she constantly walked about 4-7 meters ahead of me. Constantly! I told her that I don't think it is nice when she does that and all she said was "but you walk too slow for me, I can't slow down". Which is bullshit. She was just being plain rude. However I didn't want to argue so I left it, and I just don't wanna go on vacation alone with her again because of this. This, and other things she did on that vacation, actually put me off her for quite a while. I had to excuse myself with being too busy to meet her because my limit of patience had been reached, haha. I couldn't stand looking at her for some months. Anyway, when this is your wife you NEED to talk to her. This isn't a friend you can simply avoid for a few months to let it cool down. This is a person you see every day. Really really have a hard talk to her about this. Tell her it is rude. Tell her it hurts your feelings, and that if she respects you she'll slow it down and WAIT for you. It's either that she slows down, or you stop going places with her as no one should tolerate being treated like this. If she starts going ahead of you again I'd just stop following her, head back to the car and drive home.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): Sometimes when people have a lot on their mind they tend to walk fast as if they are in a hurry, they are on edge kind of. My mother has a tendency to do this if I am out shopping with her, it can be annoying, but she says it's because she's thinking of all the things she has to do. Im sure she doesn't mean anything by it, but if it bothers you that much ask her, "why to you always walk ahead of me"?.
Good luck.x
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reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (29 January 2012):
 If you think you can do better than her, and your only complaint is that she walks faster than you, I think she's the one who can do better.
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reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 January 2012):
 When we go shopping (as a couple) I don't walk next to my hubby, I in fact will leave him on several occasions to browse or pick something up. I'm quite confident that he won't get lost or be annoyed with it. Sometimes I am way behind him, or he will stop and talk to someone and I will continue on... Other times we hold hands, but it's not often, as I'm not a big PDA person.
Ask her why, talk to her. I doubt she does it to hurt you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): "She is not more attractive for a woman than I am for a man, if fact, I think most people would say I could do better if either could"Marieclaire,That is a thought. If this were a statement he made to her, it would be a totally different scenario and yes that would be douchey. I don't know for sure, but I have the feeling this was not the sequence of events for the OP.Everyone has unflattering thoughts about their partner from time to time...and to expect otherwise is a little naive. The question is whether you allow these thoughts to effect the way you treat your partner...I don't know if the OP also humiliates his wife and is just neglecting to tell us, but it's clear that his wife does this to to him rather than say what's on her mind. I don't think calling people names for merely having an unflattering thought is fair or reasonable.
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reader, natasia  +, writes (29 January 2012):
 I think it is weird that she does this, but I also think it weird that you don't just say 'hey, stop - wait for me!'. And I would then just grab her by the arm, which will force her to keep step with you.Or, say: 'look, this is driving me up the wall. Wait for me like a normal person, or go on your own.'Simple, eh?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): "Condescending douche canoe"? Ouch. That's a little harsh...For what it's worth, I would find that incredibly humiliating. That's something I did to my mom when I was a teenager and I know for a fact it upset her. And if a partner did that to me, I could only assume they were embarrassed to be seen with me. I'm afraid that if you've already talked about it, I'm not sure what you should do. If you've made negative comments about her appearance, perhaps I could understand where her behavior might come from...but the most benign way I could color this behavior is to suggest that perhaps she just doesn't want to be seen as a codependant "wifey-wife" in public. On that vein of thought, are you a clingy husband? Do you talk to other people when you go out? Do you depend on her to navigate social situations? That might tire her out and account for the behavior. If I were in your shoes, I would let her free range, but I wouldn't waste your energy being a gentleman and I definitely wouldn't feel the need to follow 10 steps behind her either. Talk to other people,entertain yourself, and go where you want to the next time it happens.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Everything Marieclaire said!just the next time she starts try this "hey honey I would really like to walk with you can you wait up for me please"
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reader, lonelyisland +, writes (29 January 2012):
TooNiceDave!Congratulations due for 10 years of marriage!One of the things that my boyfriend always complains about is that i have a tendancy (in supermarkets and shops especially) to walk off and leave him behind. This has been the bain of our relationship for quite some time. This is not because i cant be botherd to wait for him, but purely because i am in my own little world half of the time. When she asks did i rush you? If it is not in a sarcastic tone of voice, perhaps she genuinely doesnt realise that she has done it or purely doesnt remember until afterwards that this irritates you?Does she do it when you are in a conversation? Perhaps the reason she walks along side co-workers is because she is. Has she ever given you any other reason to belive that she is disrespectful towards you?On the other hand i can understand why this might be rather irritating for you, nobody likes to feel that they are being shunned. Especially from someone they love.I would be inclined to say that perhaps you are over thinking the cause behind this behaviour. Perhaps try humourously telling her that if this doesnt improve you will be left with no choice but to get her a lead? I can also imagine some kind of remote electric shocking device might also be effective. Or just simply walk off in the other direction and see how it makes her feel!good luck!
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