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Why would my father suggest he could accompany this girl and I to the movies? Her reply confused me too

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Family, Friends, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 June 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 June 2014)
A male United States age 16-17, *ohn1999 writes:

i have two questions to ask.so i like this girl right and one day i had no one to go to the movies with and my dad suggested that i ask her to go with me. what i don't get is that she freaked out. so my dad says that he could come if it wasn't too weird.

then she said exactly this "no he doesn't have to go" in a weird way.

Then a couple days later she tells me she has a boyfriend but doesn't like to call him her boyfriend. what does these two things mean please explain.

View related questions: has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (30 June 2014):

Fatherly Advice agony auntJohn,

This was so much easier when I was your age. You could go on several dates before you decided whether or not to be boyfriend girlfriend. Now if you go an a date you are an instant couple. Dad did not intend for you to seal the deal with this girl by going to the movie with her. The date he had in mind was what your friend who is a girl would call hanging out. Now the girl interpreted your request in her terms. She thought you were indeed asking her to be your girlfriend. Even though you do like her you did not have that intention. So she freaked out. I can't go on a date with you, I'm trying to get this other boy to ask me on a date and if I go with you first that will ruin everything I'm working on. Even though she might end up officially with you before the other guy decides to commit. Hey anything's possible. Because she has a conflict of interests she needed to tell you everything.

So what do you do now. 1) respect this girls wishes. She wants you to keep some distance while she continues to work on the other guy. 2) That means that you are free to hang out with other girls. If you feel you are ready to do that go right ahead. You Dad has given you permission. 3)You should still keep dad informed. If you don't think you are ready for more Boy / Girl relations then you should 4) Tell Dad that you aren't ready for that yet, but thank him sincerely for supporting you in this first attempt.

Television and movies are full of bad examples of how to run a relationship, ask a girl to hang out / date, or deal with your parents. I'm glad you came here. I'm glad you got some good advice from Cindy.

FA

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (30 June 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt She freaked out because she thought you had asked her on a date ( maybe you did ? or did you just want company for the movie ? ) and she does not want to come out on a date with you because there's someone else.Your father sensed her embarassment and kindly offered to tag along, to reassure that it was NOT a date, just a friendly outing. At which point, she un-freaked out and said : Ah then. Dad does not need to come.

Then she told you about her boyfriend, meaning that they are not official yet, or not serious, or on the down low as a couple, or whatever else she might have menat, it does not really matter, she wanted you to know she has someone else in mind / is seeing someone else ,so you should not get any romantic ideas about her.

If you wanted to pursue this girl... now you graciously back off, she is not interested. If you JUST want to hang out as friends every now and then, you laugh it off, and reassure her, hey no worries, I like your company and I'd like if we can hang out together at times, but that's all,I am only looking for friendship.

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