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female
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NightAngel
writes: My boyfriend has a lot of "girl-friends," but I trust him so I'm usually ok with it, But one of his friends has something against me. I tried to talk to her and ask why she hated me so much, but she kept persisting to be rude and just malicious towards me. He knows that we both hate each other and yet he's still friends with her. Well, me and her just got into a big fight and I dont want him to take sides, but I dont see any other way around this. Please someone help! Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (8 November 2005):
 Firstly, I wonder why you and he choose to spend time with this person? Talk to your bf and decide, no matter how she behaves, you both are a couple and she needs to understand & respect that. Your bf will have to support you and the both of you need to team together to show her, she cannot antagonize you, anymore. She's not respecting you or your boyfriend-simply because she's not respecting you and your bf's relationship. You don't have to be nasty, but you might think whether or not you like being with people like this. If she's unpleasant and you react emotionally, aren't you signalling that you are hurt by her actions? She is being a bully and sometimes ignoring the bully and walking away, works best. Bullies thrive on attention, by walking away..you are taking the "wind out of her sails". If something similar happens when you and your bf are with her and a group of friends and she starts getting mean-take your bf's hand, and both of you just quietly walk away. Then, later-it could be explained to your other friends, she was being unpleasant so you and your bf left to enable her to work through her anger. (don't gossip-just explain it practically) The only way to stop her doing this, is showing her that what she says is too insignificant to affect you. Meantime, you could be left with some negative feelings about yourself but you are not responsible for what other people decide to do. Just because someone says something, it doesn't mean it's true. Criticism only hurts if we feel that there's truth in it. If she still persists, your bf will have to speak to her and tell her either she accepts you and this relationship or the friendship, with her ends. Simple as that. You are justifiably angry and hurt by this girls unpleasant behaviour. Don't allow her to bait you anymore into fights. There is usually a great tendency to feel blameful and to want revenge. Generally, though, anger most hurts if you hold onto it.
You do have my sympathy. Nobody deserves to be abused. But the good news is, the more you learn to respect and value yourself, the more other people will respect and value you too. Good luck!
A
male
reader, Calidus +, writes (8 November 2005):
Well your boyfreind does have a right to have freinds who you dont like and who they dont like you, talk to your boy freind mayeb he can speak to her about you.. and maybe avoiding her is best for now until a resolution can be found.
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A
female
reader, kissy +, writes (8 November 2005):
Don't make him take sides. This girl probably does fancy your bloke, doesn't mean that he's going to ditch you. Just tell him that you want to know nothing about her. The more react the more enjoyment this girl is probably getting out of your unease. And maybe your bloke just wants you to get a little jealous. we all liked to be fussed over sometimes. its only human.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2005): Hi NightAngel, You deserve the security and comfort from your boyfriend. Have you tried to talk to him about the situation?.If you haven't analyse his reaction and his response towards this girl.How long have they known eachother? Did they meet before you guys started?. They may have had a past relationship and he is just being a "loyal" friend, she on the other hand might be jelous and resentful becuase you have the man she wants. You don't want to loose your man over these insecurities, yet i'm assuming that if your man made you feel confident,secure and showed you the respect and love around these "girl-friends" you wouldn't have argued with this girl.
The real problem here darling is not this girl but actually your boyfriend. You guys need to communicate your feelings. You are being wrongly judged by this girl and her threatening behaviour has led you to the mess your in as a result of your boyfriends actions. With all honesty if you didn't feel insecure and your boyfriend put you as a priority and respected you around these girls, there would never have been a confrontation in the first place.Your sense of relationship satisfaction and comfort would have given you enough strength to ignore this immature girls behaviour,in fact your boyfreind would have noticed this and given you the respect and ego boost you deserve.
Your not asking him to take sides, you expect him to take sides, even if it would be an indirect approach where he communicated less with this girl,he needs to show all of these females that if they mess with you, they jepordise their friendship with him. Most women are threatened by eachother and all you need is that special attention around these girls.....i don't think its hard for your boyfriend to do or any man in that case, really it should come natural.
Also, (sorry i haven't stopped) you and your man need to slowly move away from these girls, i know it's o.k to have male/female friends but when you feel that you are being disrespected and attacked...realistically speaking it's coming from most of the girls (if they are a group). All it takes is one little argument with your man and one of these girls will dive in head first to mend your mans ego, while you have to deal with the emotional stress.
Hope i helped you out, sorry if i was too negative, i didn't mean to be it's just that i have been in your situation and when your in a serious realationship you shouldn't live in your friends pockets in fact they should be like part time buddies...nothing more nothing less.
Goodluck Babes
S xoxo
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (8 November 2005):
is she jealous? if he was friends with this girl before you got together, you can't expect him to just stop being friends with her although if it is causing such a problem, he shouldn't be allowing situations to rise where you have to see her. i don't know why people choose to be friends with horrible people though. tell him you trust him but it's not fair that you can not enjoy your time with him because of this friend of his. tell him what happens every time she upsets you. he has to know how you feel otherwise you will never be able to have a good time.
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