A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My bf is way into cars and is working on a project to build a car. He wanted to buy a cheap car for the parts and his mom blew a fit and told him what a stupid idea it was and that she would not give him one dime toward it or support his using his own money. His mother is terribly controlling and doesn't care how passionate he is about this. He is going to college to be an engineer. We are back at college and when he came over last weekend he told me that he had bought a car for parts w/his money a week before and waited this long to tell me. He is not going to tell his parents. He said he thought I would be mad. Why would he have thought this? I guess part of me was a little annoyed just because he rarely pays for anything when we go out, but I am happy he got up the nerve to do this on his own. Should I feel hurt or pissed that he didn't tell me while he was in the process of buying it and waited a week to tell me? Does this make him sketchy or sneaky in general do you think? We have been together for three years and overall I don't think he is like this, but I don't like lying or omitting the truth and I don't want him confusing me with his mom!!
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female
reader, Midge  + ♥, writes (28 October 2007):
 Okay, my boyfriend is a Mini nut. He is constantly doing work on his car, not that there is anything left to do on it. At first when he bought the car, I was a bit annoyed because he has a van that he uses all the time, I have a car that he gets access to whenever he needs it, so why spend £20k on a car. But once I started thinking about it, it is his money that he has worked really hard for. Its something that he really wants, so if he has the money to spend on a hobby why not?
I think your boyfriend isnt sneaky or dodgy in that respect. I think he thinks that because his mum freaked out about the car thing, that you would too. You just have to reassure him where you stand on this matter, that his money is his to burn on whatever he wants so long as he has sufficient money to make it every month.
I love my boyfriend very much and support him 100% in whatever he does, even when I think its a bad idea. Simply because one day when his judgement is off, he can never point the finger at me saying that I told him to do otherwise.
Support him in whatever he does. But, when it gets to a point that you feel its too much, you need to be big enough to tell him that he needs to stock of things. Do it in a very nice and loving way, so that he knows you still support him, but that perhaps he has gone too far.
A
female
reader, Oblivia  + ♥, writes (28 October 2007):
 I don't think you should worry about this. Also, as you point out, it was his own money. I don't think he is confusing you with his mother, only used to not being sure whether what he wants is the right thing or not (i.e. will the mother disapprove, maybe not a good idea). It might be that he wanted to feel it in first and when feeling this was the right thing to do, he was ready to tell you which means that he probably did understand you wouldn't be mad at him. I mean that if you have been brought up with a controlling parent it can be hard to learn how to go through with your own decisions. He might subconsciously have a feeling that this is actually wrong in everybody's view since his mother disapproved. At the same time he knows he is now a grown up who are entitled to make his own decisions, good or bad, regarding his own money and hobbies. It could be he just need some practise in being confident in this and until then he might go doing these things on his own and tell you afterwards. He will get more confident over time and then he will most likely let you into his plans in advanced, knowing by experience that you are not going to be mad at him for pursuing his dreams, whatever they are. He will then want you to be part of them :).
Best Wishes!
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl  +, writes (28 October 2007):
If he rarely pays for anything where is he getting the money to pay for a car? There should be a good reason why his mother is the way she is towards him when it comes to money.
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