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Why would he take a condom with him if he didn't expect to have sex?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 May 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 5 May 2008)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend went away to Seattle then to california to see his friend 2 weeks ago and he got back monday. When i went over last night i went to get the toothpaste out of his bag where he keeps all the toothpaste etc which he had taken with him, where i saw a condom. Why would he take a condom with him if he didnt expect to have sex????? Then he asked me why was i sad and i didnt saY anythin. He then started telling me that he missed me and also he was so horny coz he hadnt had sex 4 2 weeks.... I dont know whether he did or not and i dont wana say anything in case he thinks im possesive but what does that sound like???? i do actually trust him but this is making me think.....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008):

Try not to jump to conclusions just yet, because as a few of the other aunts have pointed out, there could be a perfectly innocent reason behind all this. Maybe they were there from another time? Maybe he prefers to masturbate with one on?! I've known it be the case - after all, it does save mess. But ask him about it and I'm sure he'll be able to give you the reason it was there.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008):

I think it could be completely innocent. Perhaps it was a single condom laying there from a time he used the bag before.

Don't get into wraps about this. It could be nothing.

You do have to talk to him about it though, he won't think your possessive. Use the toothpaste story! :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008):

I used to have a laptop bag. My use of it was equivalent to a purse, but of course, no man is going to carry a purse. I put everything in it; bottled water, umbrella, pens, school related supplies, band-aids (seriously), and of course, condoms. I don't buy them in smaller packages to fit in my pocket or anything, it's cheaper to buy in bulk.

So as the story goes, my then gf, and this is a long time ago (now ex girlfriend) lived with her mother, so I couldn't stash them at her place. But every so often, her mother would leave on trips for business etc. I didn't know her schedule so what could I do? I had a giant box of condoms and no way of knowing when I'd need to use them, so, I kept them in my bag. I recall once that I couldn't sleep with my girlfriend for over 3 months because her mother wouldn't leave, and man, that box of condoms started getting ratty! Not to mention, I broke one of the old ones (during use!) so let your boyfriend know, or else you'll have plenty more to worry about than this! Best of luck!

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (2 May 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI'm sorry to disagree a bit. There can be a perfectly innocent reason for that condom to be there, I recognize that.

And I can only speak for my own experience: I never carry a condom for the purpose of giving it to a friend. I buy mine for me to use. And sometimes I do carry them "just in case".

When I was in college, in what seems to be a hell of a long time ago, condoms weren't that easily available. I happened to have easy and free access to them. Back then, I always had several in my bag; my friends would come to me, to BUY some from me. You see, I had a perfectly innocent explanation for my carrying them: it was business.

That's the only time I have carried condoms for a reason other than having sex myself.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008):

I suppose it means he was being sensible in that he was prepared for any eventuality, just in case Paris Hilton or some other hot totty invited him back to her place for coffee.

Men are notoriously weak when it comes to turning down the opposite sex. It's a tough job, but sometimes we just have to do it. We're generally quite sensitive creatures really, and we don't like disappointing any lady who requires our services. It's only decent behaviour for us not to contribute any further to the gene pool, saving that sort of thing for the woman we love.

You should be very proud of him for being the sensitive, considerate person that he is.

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A female reader, Susan Strict United Kingdom +, writes (2 May 2008):

Susan Strict agony auntIt's odd, but so many men seem to do that. My partner used to always have one in his bag and I know he never used it because it was there for years and years with the wrapper getting tattier and tattier.

I did ask him. He blushed bright red and mumbled "You never know when a friend might need one."

Yeah. Right.

Look - ASK him. Tell him you're very unhappy about it. Tell him that if he thinks you're going to stand around while he's thinking about having sex with someone else then he needs to think again and think damn quick.

It's probably something he's always done and still does out of habit. Most probably he hasn't had sex with anyone except you. You and he both know that in all probability you'll never, never stop him THINKING about the possibility of doing it with someone else - that's what most men are like - but actually doing it is something else altogether. Most likely he wouldn't, but removing the condom puts one more barrier in the way and makes it even more unlikely. You are quite entitled to "have a go" at him about it.

I'd give him a bit of stress about it. Not too much. Just enough so he gets the message loud and clear.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (2 May 2008):

Tell him you saw a condom in his wash bag. He might have an innocent explanation. (Like it was a spare for emergencies with you, or that it's been there since a holiday years ago when he was single? He may have had it for his friend in America to use if they went to a party and he took that bag.)

Tell him it made you worried and he should be able to reassure you. If he blows up and acts strange then he may have a guilty conscience.

He is your boyfriend so you are allowed to be a bit possesive when it comes to who he sleeps with.

Good Luck!! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008):

not to worry you, but theres definitely something up with that. he wont think youre possesive, you just have to bring it up in a mature manor. tell him you were just wondering why he would have brought a condom if he wasnt planning on having sex. then again, it could have been there already (before he packed) best of luck

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