A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I found out and saw that my boyfriend was texting back and forth was his ex girlfriend. He asked her to send him a picture of her (not sexual just normal) and then he told her how gorgeous she was and that he missed her. I asked him about it and he didn't see the harm in it like I did. He assured me he doesn't want to be with her, just missed her. I found the text messages very flirty and inappropriate but he doesn't see it the same way I do. Why would he be messaging his ex in the first place? And why ask her for pictures? I've been with him for about 6 months so I think he should know better. If he misses her, is that a bad sign? Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2016): What The Fairies fart does he think he’s doing? No harm in it!? Your boyfriend needs an Optometrist, he's so dang blind! For one it's being disrespectful to you and secondly he's typically immature.By his own admission; he said he misses her, HE ASKS her to send him a photo, he flirts with her right under your nose and he doesn’t see the harm it? 6 months is early days, where you discover or realise this person is not for you, unless you like to be second fiddle to his ex? Certainly he’s not over her and perhaps has you as a rebound girlfriend.Don’t be desperate, try again and make sure the next guy is emotionally available, ready to date and well over any ex-girlfriend.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 May 2016):
 The great thing about DearCupid is that you can read the archives to see what people in virtually identical situations have been advised. I compiled a listing of the similar questions that have come in recently; no doubt you can glean more advice from the already good advice provided on this question!
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-being-paranoid-about-this-he-keeps.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/we-are-back-together-but-he-is-still.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-a-rebound-im-concerned-about-his.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-i-give-him-a-chance-boyfriend-told.html
I personally would drop him.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 I don't know if it's a bad sign or a good sign... Depends how you look at it. Take it as a blessing that you know what he's up to so that just makes it easier for you to take a decision. He's obviously still into her and apparently quite brazen about it so wish him well and dump him immediately. Good riddance.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 May 2016):
 He just misses her?
oh well then my response would have been "I'm so sorry why not try to get back with her let me get out of your way...we are DONE"
honey you are in the picture till he can manage to get her back into his good graces...you are a place holder.
dump him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 May 2016):
 Of course he didn't think it was inappropriate! That would be like him having to admit he doing things that is not OK in a relationship.
Asking for pictures, praising her looks and telling her he misses her, is not platonic behavior.
Would he be OK with YOUR ex texting YOU for pictures etc? Or you texting your ex? I bet he wouldn't like that ONE bit.
So OF COURSE he is going to downplay his own actions.
My advice is, that YOU have to decide if this is OK or not. IF it's not. DO NOT just suck it up and stay with him. Because I would NOT be surprised if you do stay, he will escalate the contact and it will turn into meeting up, and then what?
You have only been with him 6 months and he is ALREADY looking to rekindle SOMETHING with the ex.
I'd give him his walking papers and then block ALL contact from him, so he in the FUTURE can't use you as entertainment, like he is with his ex.
He sees nothing wrong in his behavior, and that just shows how immature he is and how little respect he has for the relationship with you. And that.. means he won't stop doing it.
Sorry, I toss him back in the pond and look for someone who isn't so selfish.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 Hi,
regarding the picture of his ex, he is still very interested in her obviously and in fact, so much so, that he still wishes to see her face, she what she now looks like.
He saw her image, then told her she is "gorgeous". That's all good and fine, if he were single, but not whilst he is dating you.
He knows what she looks like, he dated her, so the fact that he wants a new image of her, very obviously spells, great interest in her, on his part.
I would be very concerned about this, if i were in your shoes.
It's treading on very dangerous grounds.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (4 May 2016):
Hi,
i'm sorry that you've had this experience with your bf, but the raw truth is, it's a very common occurrence when you're still young, especially with males.
When guys are still in their teens and 20s, they often aren't tied down, nor committed to just the one girl, although they may appear to and tell you otherwise.
The fact is, most young unions don't always work out, nor last long term.
Some do, but most don't.
Your bf is still young and because males are more mentally immature around your age bracket (and i'm suspecting here, that your bf is quite young too, based upon your age, plus his displayed behaviour), this all makes sense.
He is still looking at many girls unfortunately, most probably unbenknownst to you and his ex gf that he's very interested in, well, unfortunately that's just the way it is.
He's clearly not over her 100%.
Why, i have no idea, but you should approach him and ask him to be direct with you, bec that's what you deserve and if the roles were reversed, he'd expect the same courtesy from you.
If you ask him to not do it anymore, or if you appear jealous, pushy, this will only make him think of her more and it'll only push him away from you more.
If your bf was truly in love with you and truly committed to you, despite you both being quite young, he definitely would not have eyes for an ex gf.
He certainly would not be texting her regularly, nor would he be commenting on her looks and telling you he still misses her.
Every comment he's made and every action he has so far displayed, tells me that he's not over her yet and in this case, he really shouldn't have started dating you.
It's simply selfish of HIM and most unfair to YOU, especially if you are serious about him.
To have the best possible outcome and connection within any union, the two people involved, must have moved on from their respective pasts and kept their hearts clear and open to receiving new love.
It sounds as though he does care about you to some degree, otherwise he wouldn't be with you at all, but i doubt he respects you, nor cares about you 100%, otherwise he wouldn't put you through any unecessary worry, upset or pain.
It sounds like he still has some growing up to do and he eventually will, but in the meantime, if you wish to stay with him, you're simply going to have to grin and bear.
I am not you, but if i were in your shoes, i would break up with him and find myself somebody who isn't chatting up exs, then acting as though it's no big deal. It is!
Good luck and let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2016): "Why would he be messaging his ex in the first place?"
To string her along as a fallback and/or piece on the side.
"And why ask her for pictures?"
To appeal to her ego and vanity in the interest of stringing her along as a fallback and/or piece on the side.
"I've been with him for about 6 months so I think he should know better."
If you've been with him for about 6 months then YOU should know better. That he's been in contact with his ex and dismisses your valid concerns suggests to me that he has no respect for you, and if he hasn't yet cheated on with you with his ex (or someone else) then it's very likely that he will.
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