A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It will be two years in February since i stopped talking to my mother. Myself and my sister found out she had been telling a lot of strange lies about us behind our backs for years. I always thought the rest of the family and family friends were very distant but I just put it down to growing apart over time. Then realising it's because of her often very malicious lies. It seems she used us to get attention playing the victim. But when confronted she said she had nothing to apologise for she even got angry. I have seen this behaviour directed at others before but she always acted completely different to our faces. I knew what kind of person she was but because she was my mum I stood by her but the level of lies meant I couldn't trust her. So we gave her the option to apologise for everything and set it straight and we could move on but she said no. So here we are two years later. Why would a mother do this to her own children? Why are we do discardable ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2018): Narcissist's discard people, don't matter who they are.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (30 November 2018):
Your mother is either mentally ill or evil. Either way people like her are not capable of of seeing that what they are doing is wrong. You have done the right thing by distancing yourself
I hope you and your sister seek therapy to help you overcome the trauma inflicted on you by this terrible woman. And I hope you are building healthy lives for yourselves away from this toxic woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2018): Parents are human and as such they too are not only imperfect but prone to mental all sorts of conditions and illnesses. Including mental ones.
As children parents are our world. We believe everything they say. We love them unconditionally and the way they treat us will pave the way for the way we will let other people treat us. It will define what love and respect mean for us, what kind of people we we'll attract into our lives and form relationships with.
I don't know what your mother may be suffering from, but whatever it is, it is not excuse for her behavior and you and your sister are in no way obliged to accept this kind of behavior.
And yes. Parents can be jealous of their own children for whatever reasons they may find.
Victim playing is not that uncommon. It's a pattern she learned by imitation or as an imposed role. To be a victim you need a "torturer" and if there isn't really anybody who fits that role around you'll invent and make one.
Some mothers like yours bring up their children with so much passive aggression, so that the children, from early age, indeed do torture them (fits of rage, aggression, disobedience...). As the kids age the things get worse but their need is fulfilled - they can play the victim, because that's the only role they know.
My husband's mother, whom we take care of financially, is never satisfied. No matter how much money we sent her, how many times we invite her to stay over, pay her plane-fares, no matter how much attention she gets... she is never EVER happy and goes around, as CpdeWarrior, said it having pity-parties. The void she has inside is so vast (she was abandoned by her mother and brought up by an abusive father) that she feels that it cannot be filled. She never sought professional help.
I'm so grateful my husband did. It helped him heal and learn how to deal with both of his parents. (his father is, as you might imagine, a spitting image of the abusive grandfather I've just mentioned).
You are not dispensable. Your mother had made you feel that way. If she has some narcissistic tendencies (and she very well might with that kind of behavior) she is the only one who matters in her eyes. Her children are there to serve her. Everybody is. She probably only hangs out with people who tell her what she wants to her but she could also manipulate others to do so. Because she is the filter. They hear HER version of everything, so...
You did well to face her and tell her how things are. Apology is important but even if she does apologies, she might do so in an attempt to lure you back in, so be careful and watch her behavior. People rarely change without professional help.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 November 2018):
 That is a question only she knows the answer to. It sounds like your mother is a selfish person and she has gotten used to playing the victim and that didn't change when use discovered the truth. In her head she still felt the victim and still felt like the world was against her and that her children where now ganging up on her. Unfortunately you are never going to change her and she is always going to play the victim. She loves people having pity on her. I think the best thing for you to do now is to live your own life the best that you can, and however hard it is if your mother is bringing you down then you are best not having her in your life however hard and heartbreaking that it is.
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