A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:my partner and i was about to have sex and he went to get a condom. When he got it he was playing with the packaging for a few seconds and put the condom to the side. why? After having sex he started to play with that condom again before putting it away. we occasionally have unprotected sex and we are ok with it. we also get tested and we don't have any sti
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2017): He was probably thinking about using it but didn't really want to. I often think I should be using one with my girlfriend and know I should, but end up pulling out instead.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 June 2017):
 If you are in a relationship then surely you are able to talk to him about this? If you are having unprotected sex you need to be able to talk about it. Have you discussed what happens if you fall pregnant?
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (14 June 2017):
 a guy like that needs to be told that you have an std, then he might think twice before he plays that game ,
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (14 June 2017):
 I find it amazing that you think you are close enough to this guy to have sex but not close enough to discuss contraception and why he did what he did.
Are you on any other form of birth control? If not, why not?
Do you insist on having any say in whether you two use birth control or do you just leave it to him? I ask because you sound very passive about it all.
Question: what do you call girls who are haphazard at using birth control?
Answer: single mothers.
You two really need to communicate verbally.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): If you can't talk about him with this stuff then should you be sleeping with him?
If you're not on any other kind of birth control then you shouldn't risk it. Also, are you committed partners or is this just a fwb type situation? Because if there is any chance he is sleeping with anyone else, or you are, then condoms are a must.
The only person who knows why he did this is him, you need to talk to him. Maybe it'd be a good idea to commit to going on birth control if you're both only sleeping with each other and don't regularly use condoms. But if you're likely to forget to take a pill then you need to chose something more longer term, such as injection, implant or coil.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 June 2017):
 The guy clearly had zero interest in using the condom, but wanted it at the ready in case you insisted. It's one of those cases of "She didn't say no, so I didn't use it".
As for you occasionally having unprotected sex, if you're not on birth control, WHY are you taking risks like this?? It amazes me in this hypersexualized Western society we live in, where sex has never been more free and open than it is now, that we lose sight of the fact that the primary and really ONLY function sex serves isn't just to have some fun, but to REPRODUCE and populate the human race!
Sex feels so good because it is a primary biological imperative! But this complicated "feel-good" reward system in place is so that we'll have kids!
Unless you're ready to have a kid now, you should always be protected by either birth control or condoms.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (13 June 2017):
 Why do you have unprotected sex?
Are you prepared to have an abortion or be a very young mother? Even if you are on birth control or have the coil, it can fail. That's why you should always use two forms of BC and contraception until you're ready to face the consequences.
Ask him why he played with the condom and reconsider having unprotected sex before you're ready to be a parent.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (13 June 2017):
Maybe this is going through his head....
"I wonder if it's her fertile time? Perhaps I should put on a condom. I don't want to be a father. But then wouldn't she SAY if getting pregnant was really a risk? So it must be okay then. Besides, it won't be ME that gets pregnant...."
Or
"I slept with someone else last week. I wonder if I caught anything? Perhaps I should put on a condom so I don't spread it around. It feels so much better without a condom, though and that girl didn't look the type..... I'll risk it."
But ask him. Perhaps he gets it out and then waits for a signal from YOU to say whether you feel you need it if you aren't practising another method of contraception.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): He was probably waiting to see if you would insist on using it. I'm sure your sick of hearing this but please use birth control, speaking as some on who went trough a crisis pregnancy at a young age!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 June 2017):
 Are you on birth control?
If not, then I think it's rather dumb to not use a condom every time. You are both (I presume) 18-21 so having a kid is a bit early, don't you think?
Why does he play with it but not put it on? ASK him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 June 2017):
 I don't get the question. Why he was playing with a condom? Was he about to put it on, or he likes to play with it while you have sex? I don't get it. If he's not going to use it, then ok, fine, but maybe he was just trying to decide if he wants to use the condom or not?
Ask him these questions.
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