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Why would a guy be staring at my lips?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 December 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 21 March 2013)
A female India age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am 26, married.

I don't have an affair. I have a good life.

BUT! Yes there is a but. There is this guy who always charmed me by his personality (not Just Looks). He knows my family for a couple of years. I really like him and I know that he values me for what I am from his behaviour.

I have had some signals from him that made me feel that he does treat me just as an acquaintance.

I have always found him like someone from my own fmaily due to his mannersims. Our relationship is formal though we are friendly and at times reasonably playful. He is usually that serious kind of person with others and with me he is always smiling. I see myself as confident and attractive in a way making people remember my personality. Of late, I see him looking a lot at my lips agape when I am talking made me think. He is not shy to make eye contact but I have had his eye grace my face, cheek and ears many times before. Ah, the ears, if my hand goes there his eyes follow and even otherwise. But I consider them to be nonconscious and never really bothered. Twice I found him looking at my lips and back in to my eyes and my heart lept in to my mouth. A well observant passer by would have caught this!!

Last time he stared the whole time when I talked. Phew! LOL. Then his eyes would go down quickly and come back. Its defntly involuntary. So guys do that when they are thinking just thinking something else, or is just listening?

I have had oglers but friends hardly do that. I wouldn't say he is sexually attracted to me as I don't think that decent single men find married women intriguing.

Why am I asking this? Simple, I want to know. Its not to jeopardise my marriage or to tread waters. Just to whether those looks have any meaning or they are totally nonconscious. I am not a believer of body language as it can be affected or just a habit.

View related questions: affair, shy

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A male reader, manfox United Kingdom +, writes (21 March 2013):

Hi,

For me personally it definitely means something. I had a gym induction yesterday and was drawn to the girls lips straight away i didn't even do it on purpose it just happened naturally she was really sexy and also had sexy lipstick on which also could have caused it, no doubt she would have noticed it happen also.

at other times I have looked at a womans lips also in a natural way not forced and sometimes it was just cos the woman had a really sexy mouth and I just went into a little trance and other times it was because of a sexual thought about her lips or other times just cos i wanted to kiss her lips.

i find body language to be all very natural personally. natural attraction to certain people is why it happens i guess.

i also believe though that you are drawn to your male friend whether subconcious or not and he may be experiencing the same although from what you mention he seems to be looking you up and down and i would bet he is doing that on purpose, sounds very player-esque to me.

and oh yeah we defo fancy all women married or not, if the woman is hot we want them..whether we will do anything is another matter as they are married but we are just sexualising.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ok, it so happened on sunday that he was looking at my lips even when I am listening. God. He is really leading me on.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (2 December 2010):

dirtball agony auntWatching someone's lips while they talk does help you listen, even if you're not deaf. Try it sometime. It does not make everyone uncomfortable, and the more ambient noise that's around, the more necessary it may become.

I'm fairly decent at reading lips, and I've still got pretty decent hearing.

Another reason for this may be that he gets uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact. He doesn't want to be looking away, so focusing on your mouth is a way to still be attentive and not always locked in your eyes. Long stares often have some passion behind them, and to two individuals who are not, and will not be, involved it can be uncomfortable too.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the replies.

Whatever you say, irrespective of my marital status it does take my breath away when somebody stares at my face and lips especially if it is someone you like. That doesn't really mean I am sexually attracted to him. But it makes me feel very nervous and uncomfortable. Since I can't tell that person I find it better to cover my lips with my fingers. I did not rationalize anything but openly tell you that I like him.

And dirtball, unless one is deaf I don't see any reason in staring at another's lips while talking thats is standing face to face. If you do so, then be aware that you are making the person in front of you very uncomfortable.

Anyway, nobody has answered my question in real. It I had not mentioned that I am married then I am sure the replies would have been entirely fascinating. :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010):

You're married. Why would you care one way or the other, unless you were interested in this guy. Get a grip.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010):

"I wouldn't say he is sexually attracted to me as I don't think that decent single men find married women intriguing"

Really, you must be kidding, decent and horny single men find all attractive women intriguing, married or not.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010):

I think the answer to your question is actually irrelevant. But the question itself is quite telling. It is 100% apparent to me that you are very attracted to your friend and have been having sexual thoughts about him while you perceive him to be staring at your lips. If anything this whole thing sounds like a rationalization to cover up your own interest.

Rather than worry about your friend's motivation, I think you need to focus on your own.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (1 December 2010):

dirtball agony auntI will sometimes watch a person's mouth when they are talking to better focus on their words. Sometimes it can be hard to hear and it is easier to know what someone said when you watch their mouth as they are talking.

When it comes to women, sometimes I just like looking at their mouth. I find lips sexy!

Any movement will attract attention. Thus why he will follow your hand to your ear and what not. He is simply paying close attention.

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