A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I met a guy online a couple of weeks ago. He's really good looking (models on the side) has a good job and seems pretty successful. He asked for my number and has been been texting me almost every day ever since but has never called. He always texts me first to ask how I'm doing too and I don't think I've ever had a guy text to me every day, especially a gorgeous one! I've been very polite in answering but I haven't been too eager to protect myself. We live two hours away from each other but we made arrangements to meet up this weekend and he said he was very exited. I did some research on his name and it looks like he is a real person and everything he said has been true (ie his education, job, the fact that he's a model) But I'm just not sure. Why would a good looking, successful guy be on a dating site when I'm sure he can get any girl in real life? I know I'm pretty good looking myself but I'm definitely no model!
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mani  +, writes (14 June 2014):
I was once in the same situation. Got a message off a girl that was stunning and I thought it must be a scam. I never got to meet her but we became friends on Facebook for a while and I also Googled her, so it does happen that gorgeous people go online to date. Also maybe women don't approach him in bars, pubs etc if he is so good looking. Is he on Facebook or Twitter? You could phone him to hear his voice (always a good idea before meeting I think). By the way the woman who contacted me was athe UK's official Danny Minogue lookalike.
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (14 June 2014):
 Hello,
Generally people use internet dating sites because of the following reasons:
- Lack of time or opportunity to meet others socially. Perhaps his work situation or other commitments prevent him going out meeting new people as often as he would like? Maybe his friends are married or have kids or other commitments so he has few single friends to go out with? He might not like the whole clubbing/loud bar type environment. Perhaps he recently moved to his current location and is yet to establish a good social circle? Work used to be a common place to find a partner but with so many of us out of work, and those with jobs having to get their heads down, the opportunity to flirt in the workplace is less prevalent, plus there is the need to avoid unPC behaviour which could be deemed as sexual harassment.
- Internet dating is now more socially acceptable, gets more publicity and many people meet partners on line. Perhaps he thought he would give it a go, meet new people, see how it went? He may be fed up of the same routine or of meeting the same kind of people in the same situations and decided to give Internet Dating a go.
- Some people, even those who are very attractive, are quite shy in social situations and not good at chatting someone up face to face.
- Maybe he is surrounded by female models at work and wants something different away from his professional life? Perhaps many of the female models he has met have been shallow, superficial or not his type?
- Preferences. Perhaps he goes for a particular type of woman? Younger, older, slim, curvy, dark hair, blonde, or whatever and wants to make sure he gets to chat to people of his type. I use internet dating because I look for a certain type of woman (well, mainly ones that find me vaguely attractive) and dating sites allow me to contact those women who fall into my type.
So there are a million and one legit reasons why a good looking man could use a dating site.
BUT you are right to be wary. Internet dating is fun, can be effective and many people have success stories to tell. Yet, as with real life dating situations, there are dangers and problems to watch out for.
Potential problems to be wary of include, but are by no means limited to, the following:
- Scams. These take many forms. Some easy to spot, others less so and more elaborate. In the six years on and off that I have used internet dating (ID) I have seen plenty of profiles showing professional quality photos of stunning women. Their profile description is along the lines of "I Love ironing, fetching beer from the fridge for my man and football". Hmmm...im sure many men would love a sexy model GF who fetches beer from the fridge and supports their local football team but only a fool would take such a profile seriously. They are usually supposedly Latvian super model, millionaire heiress types looking for a boring, drab guy like me. Im sure their are male equivalents. Basically they contact you, soon declare undying love, and then ask for a few hundred pounds/dollars to come and meet you. Or they give a terrible sob story involving sick aunties, drowning kittens or other tear jerking tales to get you to part with money. Its not hard to fake an entire persons life nowadays either. Facebook, Twitter, etc are not hard to manipulate, adding to the scams realism.
- Players. Basically men (and women too) who claim to be looking for love, commitment, etc only to be wanting one thing. Sex. They will shower you with compliments, tell you how amazing you are, rush to get intimate and then vanish.
- Weird people. Sadly ID sites do attract a fair share of strange folk. Deluded, mixed up, damaged, perverted, fake, insecure, game playing and aggressive. (Enough of my profile description, find your own!)
- Those who claim to be something they are not. This is not exclusive to ID of course. How many of us get messages from former co-workers or school friends on facebook and the like who claim to be living with their "perfect" wife, driving an Audi and having their dream job? Many people on ID sites claim to be earning X amount of money, driving such and such a car or describe themselves as 25, 6 foot 2 and slim...only for someone to meet them and find that they are poor, overweight, balding, 35 and quite a few inches short of six foot! On line we can be anything we want. Its only when we meet someone in the flesh that we see what they are really like.
- One thing we can never, ever tell online or via text, email or phone, is what a person is like in real life. I chatted to a very attractive girl online and got on well with her. I wondered, as you do, why she would need an ID site! When I met her she had very bad breath, a nervous twitch and the pictures I had seen of her were all taken a good 10 years earlier before wrinkles and middle aged spread took over.
OP I hope this works out for you but I would be wary. It may be genuine and I hope it is. But keep an open mind.
Mark
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): Looks may draw lots of attention, but that doesn't guarantee that people care beyond what they see.
It seems to be pretty much the norm these days that people go online to meet people. They know that they have a wider selection of options; and if they're very busy or don't have a lot of time for searching, they may take a cut to the chase approach on dating. Shopping online profiles.
He's online for the very same reasons as yourself. He may also be a dick, or a closeted gay man searching for a beard.
Just keep an open-mind, and don't get taken-in by his looks.
I don't really believe good-looks and success guarantees anyone they can get any man or woman they want. As proven by successful celebrities who have it all, but go from marriage to marriage; and one failed relationship to the next. Then some give-up, and their lives come to some tragic-ending, or the resort to drug-abuse. They want what's real. Not just have easy pickings. They want to be able to find someone who truly cares for what is beneath the surface. Not the looks and what they have.
This young man has yet to meet you. Then you may discover what might be flaws that might hinder him finding and keeping someone; in spite of all his obvious desirable attributes. Many times conceited good-looking people hunt for only what they consider appropriate arm-candy. They don't realize how superficial they are; and that is often the reason they can't find a lasting or real relationship.
Sometimes hot guys just want a lot of sex. The vast majority of people online want casual sex. Online; your options are wide open, and improve your odds of hooking up with someone. The majority of single-women want some kind of commitment. Not just be used for sex. Going online gives you the option to just find people for dating purposes; so you'll always have a busy social-life. You're never alone.
Well, once you meet and date. You'll get your close-up, and discover who he is. Nice appearances often mislead. As you'll learn, if you don't already know.
...............................
A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (14 June 2014):
Looks mean nothing, it's what is inside that counts. Being handsome is good luck but also means he will have lots of girls after him. It means taking more care, in a way. Hope you have a lovely time. Do check out whether he has long relationships or not.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 June 2014):
 Maybe he's just really busy? If he's got a career as well as modeling, maybe he doesn't have a whole lot of spare time to go out and meet people. Besides, dating sites are a great way to meet people you never would have met otherwise. He lives two hours away .. so how else would you have met him? Maybe he's trying to cast outside of his immediate social network and see what else is out there.
Just take it slow and day by day and see how it goes!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): At this stage, all anyone can really do is speculate. He might be really busy (though I would think models would simply date other models out of convenience, but not always). He might have awful habits previous partners could not tolerate. He might have a lot of baggage (a child, debt, criminal history, etc...). Meet him in person then you can get an idea of why this man uses online dating. I hope you two arranged to meet in a very public place and not somewhere fancy or over the top for a first date. I have to ask, where did you find his information? Through Facebook? Facebook profile page isn't too reliable. Have you video chatted yet? If not, it might raise some red flags, but most people don't video chat before they meet anyway...Just be cautious. Don't be too eager to please. Meet him and judge for yourself. However, always be skeptical when you think you've met Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): Some people don't have the time to do dating the traditional way.
Have you any proof he is who he says he is? It's pretty easy to find an online profile of someone and copy it to a T if you don't voice or video chat....
I would request a video chat or a picture where he (with his full face visible) holds up a piece of paper with his dating site username on it in his handwriting and for him to send it to you as proof. Tell him it's because you want to calm your nerves about meeting for the first time, or something.
Stay in public and don't get in a car together or go anywhere privately; temptation can overtake quickly, or it would be harder for you to leave if he isn't who he claims to be.
...............................
|
