A
male
age
30-35,
*objo666
writes:i'm sorry this is so long, but i really need help, thanks :)basically, for the last 8 months i've been seeing this girl (we're both 19). its not really a 'relationship' but when we go out we always hold hands, hug and kiss each other. the problem is, ever since i met her, she has been extremely indecisive and will randomly just tell me its not working and we should stop seeing each other then cut off all contact with me. then, about a week later she will get back in touch saying how much she misses me and wants me back. however, i have started to notice a pattern forming. it seems that every time we start to get close and it looks as if we might actually get into a proper relationship, this is the time that she backs out. its not like i'm even pressuring her into it, we never talk about getting into a relationship its just that sometimes when we're out there is a really strong connection between us and it feels as if we should take the next step. this is when she breaks it off. now it gets even more complicated. last week, one week after one of the nights when we were really close, we go out again and she is unbelievably distant from me. she wouldn't even stand anywhere near me which is really strange considering the week before we spent all night holding each other and kissing (probably the closest we have ever been). its not like we even fell out during the week (we don't see each other any time other than our nights out cos i live in a different city), we were texting each other loads and she was always saying how much she missed me. anyway, after about an hour of not really saying much, she tells me that we should stop seeing each other cos it just doesn't feel 'right'. she also says that even though we always get back together, this time there is no chance of it at all (something she has never said before) cos we're both just gonna keep getting hurt. before telling me this, she told me that she used to be on anti-depressants and that her ex bf had hurt her both emotionally and physically, which could explain why she is scared to re-enter a relationship. but, she also tells me that she feels really lonely and needs someone to be there for her.i'm so confused, i really need to let her know that i would NEVER hurt her and i just wanna be there for her and make her happy but she just can't seem to trust me. there is definately something there between us but she keeps convincing herself that there isn't, she even told me that when we're getting close its cos she is really trying to make it work but it just isn't real which is definately not true cos i can see that she is genuinely happy when we get close. she keeps telling me to move on and i can do a lot better than her. i don't want to move on though cos i really like her, dare i even say love her but she just doesn't see this. how can i make her trust me and let me be there for her? is there anything i can say or do to make this better? this time she hasn't cut off contact with me so i don't know what she wants me to dothanks for reading this i really hope you can give me some advice cos i'm so confused
View related questions:
get back together, her ex, kissing, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, baybee-x-sparkii +, writes (18 June 2010):
 Hey :)
I don't know about most other females, but myself personally I have a barrier at the moment, due to being hurt a few times etc etc. And when people get close to that barrier I back away. Give her time to work out that your worth trusting and being there for. It can take a LONG TIME but work at it :) Let her know you don't mind waiting and you'll do anything for her, sooner or later she will come round to yours (and secretly her) way of thinking. Don't move it too fast however because otherwise the barrier will go back up and you'll be back to square one.
Good luck :)
SB :) x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): Hey, you poor love! You are right I think when you say she is scared, and actually, I really think that this is all it is. You seem to care for her very much, and the fact that she never breaks off all contact with you perhaps shows that she is fond of you. You clearly care for her very much and I suspect she can see this, but she is afraid to take the next step: this I reckon is because of her past, as you suspect. She will be ok soon I am sure, all that is needed is time, love (not necessarily physical just yet) care and determination. From what you say, the will is there. If you truly love her, don't lose hope, I reckon she trusts you more than she realises, she just needs to see it, which she will in time. Part of the problem I think, is that she is unsure of herself, she is unsure in herself as to what she wants. As I say, I suspect she is more fond of you than she realises, and therefore it is hard for her to admit her feelings, much less act on them.
The first step I think, is to help her get to know what she wants or is hoping for. She needs help to understand herself before she can even consider a relationship. Can you somehow find a way to help her understand herself? [I'm sorry I don't have an actual solution for you!]
Is this rambling stream of consciousness any good to you?
All the very best to you.
...............................
|
