A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My sex drive seems out of control. My husband doesn't really like to have sex with me as much as I think I need. Not only that, but when I do have sex with him, I feel disappointed. He has never been able to make me orgasm. He is the only person I have ever slept with, and I don't think things are how they are suppose to be. I was married a year and a half before I started buying sex toys. I masturbate all the time now it seems. I was up to two times a day for the longest time. My husband will only sleep with me about once every two weeks. Its driving me crazy. Also I always have to initiate sex. I hate feeling like I have to beg for sex. I would love to feel like he wanted me. I try to dress really cute when we go to bed, or I'm just naked in the room, and he blows it off. What is going on? I don't know what more I can do. I ask him what is going on, and he just says he is stressed, and that it affects his sex drive. I think he does it because it makes him feel like he can control me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): My husband is the same way. We sleep in the same bed, but he never want's to have sex with me anymore. When I try to address the issue he just blows it off or tells me it's me. I'm in my mid 40's, but look much younger. I'm an attractive woman, but feel like the ugliest woman on earth. He is 10 years older. I've been with him since I was 19. We've been married 27 years. I've been going through this over 6 years now, and I'm tired of waiting. I feel like my best years are being wasted waiting for nothing. I was there for him when he was in his prime, but my prime doesn't matter. He knows this,but doesn't seem to care. He is selfish and cruel for putting me through this instead of trying to work at making things better. He has always been a selfish partner in bed. If I look outside the marriage, I am wrong? I honestly believe not. I can't help but wonder what I've missed out on all these years. I keep waiting for things to change or get better, but it never does.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): I know what you are going through. My husbands work puts a little stress on him not much though. He refuses to have sex with me. Our age difference might have something to do with it but I know he is not cheating. He hardly even masturbates.
It causes stress between us and there is nothing I can do about it either. I have tried eveything possible. Sex is a big part of our relationship and without it it pushes us apart. If you argue try not to. Find some way out of it. Try to take some stress off of him watch a (movie) together. Make time for each other special. Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): update please?
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female
reader, tjazzy  +, writes (7 December 2009):
Are you sure his work is not stressful - Laborious, long hours, a bullying boss? Does he get to eat dinner before you pounce on him? Just asking, cos the guy just sounds stressed out to me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): I understand exactly how you feel as I am going through the exact same thing. I asked my husband if it is me and he tells me there is nothing wrong with me, I hate this part of our marriage as I feel like a failure or something. I don't have any advice for you but I can say that I understand and that there are others out there going through the same things so don't beat yourself up for it, it is him that needs to work on his issues with you not you that is the problem.
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female
reader, beckula712 +, writes (29 November 2009):
my husband has sex with me but he doesn't sleep with me and when he does it's only a few hours then he goes on the coach
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): Hi, just want to let you know that you are not the only one going thru this. I beg my hubby for sex and he just won't give it up! I think I am pretty hot and he is not so that may be the prob. He wants other hot women though and that is what confuses me. He sleeps on the couch every single night. He will not come to bed with me no matter how much I beg him. It makes me so sad and have such low self esteem.
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male
reader, gleep  +, writes (23 February 2009):
Men need either sex/masturbation alot more than women do.
By this i mean that men produce sperm at an alarming rate daily. If not released the body does its best to expel the sperm along with urine. But this can actualy lead to medical problems, pain, and some men have even reported that they have lost the ability to have an erection just because they did not have sex/masturbate for a period of time. The reason i say this is because he "IS" finding a release somehow, all men do.
While women desire sex and masturbation to feel good, men have an an actualy physical NEED to have sex or masturbate daily!
If he's not having sex with you, then he's either cheating, or he's a chronic masturbator. If the latter is true then try asking him what kinda things help him masturbate. It may be embarrassing, but something has to turn him on. Try and be open about it, let him know that your not afraid to talk about such things. If he is truely unwilling to help you after you talk with him about it, then i'd suggest counciling for sure.
Another reason could be depression, you said he was stressed... what about depressed? depression can actualy kill sex drive almost completely, google it and see for yourself.
Anyways good luck and take care of yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): I think counseling is in order. I think your husband does not want to have sex for a number of reasons that he isn't sharing with you.....there is a book out that addresses this subject and what to do about it, I have only read escerpts but it might shed some light on things or you.
"He's Just Not Up For It Anymore" and it is based on research.
Other than that, try talking to him about sex and what he would like, and then keep initiating it, because once he is into it, he will get into it..... You need to teach him what you have learned about your body when you masturbate, you know what gets you off, so show him how to do the same moves, the right rhythm or what ever he isn't getting quite right. Also, when having sex with him, don't make the big O the goal or you may never get there...really tune into him and your feelings and how he feels to you, concentrate on your sensations and relax and it should be better for you. He may be avoiding sex because he knows he isn't pleasing you, and he feels bad and doesn't want to keep disappointing you, even though that logic is flawed, it could play a part in his loss of libido.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (23 February 2009):
 As far as his controlling you, are their other signs that he is trying to do so, other than sexual?
Sex is a means to release stress, not create additional stress. If he has stress that he brings home, and it affects your marriage, his priorities are misdirected.
You are married to each other, not to bills, or jobs, or this economy (which I think others are having sex through it). Your marriage needs attention just as any other part of life. A marriage doesn't just run on autopilot, while everything else is attended to.
I would think it would be "easier" for him to first make sure you were walking around smiling and weak in the knees, so he could focus on ways to eliminate the stresses, without being begged for it.
I hope all works out for you. Your marriage needs to be part of the balance with everything else and not be the neglected area.
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