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Why won't he even hug me? Let alone touch me?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 February 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 17 February 2011)
A female United States age 26-29, *armony S. writes:

hi. um, i've been with this guy for like three or four months now. something that's kinda bugging me is that he's one of those guys that hug people alot, yet he barely ever touches me. i'm not saying i want sex[i really dont. i'm too young anyway] i just want a hug or something, you know? i tried hugging him once, i was like "ok Harmony, just hug him. no big deal." and this whole pep talk thing['cus i'm pretty shy] and he just kinda hugged then let go quickly. then he was like "i'll see you later"[we were walking home]

he also seems really distant around me[mentaly wise. like he doesnt talk as much] so in my head i'm always like "i should just go. its obvious that he doesnt like me." and sometimes i think "just...give him time." its like a never-ending battle in my head. i dont want to make him unhappy or pressure him into anything, but i dont want to end something that might just need time, you know? thing is, i cant get him out of my head. i'll be falling asleep and he'll just pop into my head and then i wind up staying up all night[that sounds really weird...sorry] any advice?

View related questions: shy

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A male reader, halawlaw Isle of Man +, writes (17 February 2011):

i have an advice. the fact that you are waitingfor somekind of response is understandable to us but not to him. simply shine this subject to him without the need to search for emotion from him oenly answer. to do that you wont have to express your emotions and than you have some

maby he will be suprised. maby just doesnt know with you when to do what when to say what.

maby he keeps it to apear like nothing happens between you two to other though he would give up hes pride if u had sex. and that is not so bad. anyway you dont have control on the situation and he sound to be a retard anyhow. maby leave him befor youl become retarded. even if you understand him it doesnt seem to have some value.. dont try to pass it.. no matter what is the reason hes, bigger in his age and its hard to defeat itan its tiring like that so tell him *see**yaa*......... oh mannnnn..

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (17 February 2011):

Odds agony auntAt your age, it's possible he gets erections around you and is embarassed about them. It would be less of a problem with guys or other girls.

If he doesn't have one at any given moment, he might be afraid that touching you would give him one. If he has one, he would not want to hug because you might feel it. Did you notice him keeping his waste away from you when you hugged?

Guys learn to stop caring about that shortly before their hormones calm down enough that it's less of a problem.

As for talking less, he's either trying to be cool and coming across as laconic, or he's nervous about saying something stupid and saying nothing instead.

None of these indicate that he doesn't like you - quite the opposite, actually. Unless there's more info you're leaving out, I'd say he likes you and is just trying not to screw thigns up or embarass himself.

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A female reader, OhGetReal United States +, writes (16 February 2011):

OhGetReal agony auntHe probably is quite around you because he does like you a lot and is respecting your boundaries by not touching you and that is a good thing. Guys are much easier to get to talking if you are doing a fun activity together not just hanging out talking. Get him outdoors doing something fun.

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A female reader, Harmony S. United States +, writes (16 February 2011):

Harmony S. is verified as being by the original poster of the question

no, he normally hugs girls too[thats the only reason its on my mind so much-basic insecurities] he's pretty well-known around school.

thank you very much

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A male reader, Birdman21 United States +, writes (16 February 2011):

Puberty is a beeotch. Your at a stage where girls and guys are VASTLY different in their comfort level with one another. Things will level out in a year or so, but until he gains his mid-puberty male confidence, you may find yourself having to make the first move as far as hugs and such go. Just keep your head high and remember, your super young.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (16 February 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntWell Harmony (cute name btw),

Do you notice him hugging girls too? Or does he just do the bro hug (you know that awkward from guy to guy hug) with other guys? He may reserve the hugs for people he knows, his friends.

If he doesn't know you the well then he's probably not that comfortable giving you a hug. I don't hug people I don't know. Sometimes I feel awkward giving my in laws hugs. Or maybe he's just shy when it comes to you.

Good job for going out on a limb and hugging him, most 13-15 year olds have trouble talking to a guy much less contact. You guys are in that awkward stage of your life, where boys don't have cooties anymore and look rather cute. You're right give him some time to come around.

From your post I can tell you're a bright girl, he'd be an idiot not to like you.

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