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Why the weekly contact from my ex?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 August 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2014)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My ex and I were together for several years. We broke up around 2 months ago. Since our BU, which I initiated but he seemed to want it too, he has text me EVERY week. Every single week he sends at least one text message. They never say anything about getting back together, though. Last week he sent me one telling me that he did care about me more than he thought he did and that was basically it.

They are mostly pictures of him or his dog. They're short texts saying something stupid that doesn't even need a reply. Why does he do this? Don't tell me I shouldn't care because he's my ex... I'm wanting to know what possible reasons he has for DOING it. I know he hasn't been with anyone since our BU, and I haven't either, so it isn't a case of someone ditched him so he's looking to hook up with me. It's like he won't fully go away. I just don't know why. Any ideas why?

View related questions: broke up, my ex, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2014):

He is in-touch out of force of habit, some guilt, and the fact that he still misses you. Someone you've known for years isn't that easy to just forget about. Just like you're still allowing him to contact you. He raises your curiosity, when you can just ignore him. Out of sight, out of mind.

You can block his calls and messages. You can even tell him just get lost, you've had enough. He thinks you still have a little warmth in your heart for him, and maybe at some point maybe you'll change your mind. If you don't respond, I think he'll eventually get used to your absence; and the messages will stop, and he'll just move on.

Just how do you know he hasn't been with anyone? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him. He'd know that, he's not a total idiot and he knows you.

There is a piece of technology called a "delete" button. It simplifies a lot of complications after a breakup. If you offered him sex, then you aren't really broke-up with him.

You're just passive-aggressively giving him the silent treatment thinking you're torturing him.

Judging from the frank tone in your posts, you aren't a wishy-washy kind of person. You know why he's sending you messages; because this has happened before a number of times. He's just making sure you're for real this time.

He turned down your offer of sex; because he doesn't want sex with you. He wants to make sure he can move on in peace and there is no follow-up drama. Like I said, he knows you!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2014):

I'm surprised by the other answers (I don't think his intentions are purely sexual; otherwise, that would come across in the messages), and I am surprised you are so confused by his actions. Obviously, he misses you. You were together for several years. You initiated it. Even if he did want to end the relationship, it's not surprising that he is struggling to move on. For a lot of couples, even the ones who initiated it, it takes several months to break habits of thinking of their ex when something exciting as happened and they want to share it with someone (for one example). He may want to let you know that he is available if you change your mind. He may just be having trouble letting go. If it is keeping you from moving on, tell him to stop. If not, give him time and he eventually will move on himself.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (11 August 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt..But first you were still, at least nominally, together - he did not want to give you space to go there and cling, kvetch, beg, scold, " we need to ralk ", " where this is going "- he did no want " drama". Now you are broken up and.. I think the same as Mark, a nice NSA every now and then, he would not mind it. Particularly if YOU ask !

Regardless, - these are anyway just guesses, reasonable and probable, but guesses. You'll never know the reason 100% for sure because he won't tell you. Come to terms to that and... my advice still stands : change phone number, otherwise you'll drag this charade on for who knows how long!

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A male reader, lifesgreat United Kingdom +, writes (11 August 2014):

Ok maybe I have missed a previous post here ! so I am not sure why everybody seems to think he is just after sex.

But my assumption is he is simply wanting to hold on or struggling to let go of the relationship or just wanting to double check how you are getting on.

I mean you initiated it but both wanted it.

I had a break up years ago and she was actually with somebody else yet she was calling me up every day

some people find it hard to move forward but that's my guess

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 August 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntYou obviously have never tried to quit smoking. A habit is very hard to break..out of subconcious habit he still feels a ned to share with you. Reality hasn't yet jumped up and bit him in the butt.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

That's the thing, though. He won't go through with that. I tried towards the end of our relationship and he wouldn't. If I were to reply and ask him to get together and fuck, he would find some excuse not to. So I know that he isn't really looking to hook up. But he doesn't want me forgetting him either. I honestly don't know why he's doing it.

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (11 August 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntHe is looking for sex with someone familiar. YOU! Simple as that.

You ask what his motivation would be, well I would have thought it obvious really - sex. He has not mentioned getting back together but doesn't want to go no contact either. Instead he wants the half way house of being FWB.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (11 August 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt Come on. You know why .

This is the same guy who sends you the " Cum and fuck me " texts , or the " Peanur butter and your **** " texts.

Just these texts, plus all the rest that you said about him , makes me think, no wait, makes me feel SURE that there aren't women queuing around his block for his sexual favours.

He feels a tiny bit , physically deprived, shall we say ?.

He has seen that the direct approach is not working, and / or his pride kicked in eventually... he does not want to just straight out beg you " pease let's fuck "- he hopes that YOU miss him and ask HIM !

Time, way time, high time, to spend a few bucks on changing phones, even if entails some trouble and money... otherwise sooner than you think, you'll be sucked in again into the dysfunctional dynamics you just gort rid of ( and you do not appreciate your good luck enough ! )

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